A
female
age
51-59,
*anelliliz
writes:This guy contacted me on a dating website and he was originally from my area. He is a good listener, has a good sense of humor, and actually knows how to use a phone unlike other guys on the website who seem to like to hide behind texts. We hit it off and we started texting every day and he had called three times in a week even on Friday and Sat. nights. The theory is that you shouldn't keep texting and/or communicating a lot because the idea is to meet up and see if you have a connection. I subscribe to this and even put it on my profile because I don't want to waste my time finding out all about this person if by chance I am not attracted to him upon meeting. We were going to be in the same town which was an hour away from where we each live like on the 4th day of talking(he is 2 1/2 hrs. from me}. I suggested we meet and then he contacted me an hour and a half prior saying he couldn't make it as it would be too late for each of us when we returned home, etc. He was hunting prior to our meeting so I think that I could see maybe why he didn't feel like it. On the weekend he commented that he had made a mistake not meeting up with me and I replied, Yeah you did" because he said I could have met him at this camp when his sisters were coming as well. Then we keep texting, talking for another 6 days and I suggest we meet on the following Tuesday. Actually, I gave him a choice of Mon. Tues, Wed. When I asked him if he wanted to he had said okay. Then that day which was Tues. he contacts me in afternoon saying he can't get out of work early to which I replied, "Bye". No discussion of it and seeing how we can make it work because what does he mean by early, but I wasn't going to beg the guy. He texts me back saying that was mean to say "Bye." Later, two other texts implying it was mean and another about misc. Frankly, I don't think he ever intended on meeting and it sounded like a scam excuse, but that's just me. I text him back later saying he can contact me when and if he wants to meet and I also stated I didn't want to waste my time texting/talking to someone I had never met and may never meet.Having decided to not return to my long-term partnerin March who I have asked previous questions on here, this has me really bummed for the holiday and have to wonder if any of it is worth it.
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female
reader, vanelliliz +, writes (30 November 2016):
vanelliliz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks beautyincolor00, that is a good idea to keep it within site. I just had someone ask me how old my pics were who when we met totally had more hair in the pic with his daughter (bringing kids onto a dating site, don't get that) and distant pics as his primary.
A
female
reader, beautyincolor00 +, writes (30 November 2016):
My advice to you would be to not exchange numbers (real or spoofed) until you make definite plans to meet in person. He flaked out after you made plans but he wasted a lot of your time texting and talking on the phone before that, when he never planned on meeting in the first place.I know you may want to put a voice to a face, but this way you can weed out the losers who aren't serious about meeting. Keep all communication within the dating site/app. If they get belligerent about not getting your number, stay firm and insist that's how it has to be.If you do decide to exchange numbers or even if you decide to talk solely within the app/site, give them 1 week to meet you in person. If after 1 week, you haven't met offline, move on. Everybody has a lunch break, everybody has a day off. If they're that busy, they don't need to be on a dating site/app anyway. I had a guy on Tinder send me 2 sentences of conversation then ask for my number. I told him no, he'd get my number when we made plans to meet in person. He said he understood and over time we could meet. Over time? We're just meeting in person, not getting married! I unmatched seeing as how he was also overanalyzing how old my pictures were, based on how light or dark my complexion was in each pic. There's this thing called lighting...
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A
female
reader, vanelliliz +, writes (24 November 2016):
vanelliliz is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the encouragement, male reader!
You are funny, Cindy Cares! You have a good pint with simplify.
You are right about the effort, Mina
They are sadly mostly losers. I have noticed that and he was a bit of a pig.
Thanks to all of you!
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (24 November 2016):
 I'd give this one up if I were you. If he really wanted to see you he would make it so. Fair enough the first time maybe a second chance, but if he knew he was working then why didn't he book a half day or the full day off so he knew he would be able to meet you?
The problem with online dating is that you come across time wasters and weirdos but don't let it dishearten you. It will all be worth it when you find someone that is deserving of your time.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 November 2016):
 Don't take it so at heart, OP. Chancing into flakers is part and parcel of the dating site experience. I do not concur with the poster who says that all men are PIGS, yet it is undeniable that many people ( women as well, although somewhat less ) are on dating sites for an ego stroke, the thrill of a (virtual ) conquest which will never have a follow up IRL, or also just to kill time. Some people, as a hobby, answer questions on Reddit or Quora or Dear Cupid ;)- other people have got the dating sites hobby.
I think it's inevitable that sooner or later you meet someone who tries to waste your time or to string you along. Discard them mercilessly, and soldier on.
After all, even IRL not every person you meet is excellent, brilliant or morally outstanding, - maybe 1% are, many are average or so / so, and then there's even a percentage of total losers, criminals and even sociopaths.
What I would do differently if you want to stick to dating sites, is to just stay local. I mean, even if you find someone who is potentially truly interested, 2 and a half hours of distance make things difficult and complicated. One should be totally in love to embrace the hassle , and they can't be in love if you have not even ever met, right ?
I admit that I am sort of biased against long distance even if I know of successful LDRs, and we have many posters here who manage to carry on LDRs happily, or sort of. But the more you go on in life, the more you need to simplify it , not to complicate it. To make it as easy as possible. One thing would be if your husband or long time partner gets transferred for work and you can't reach him at once, so it gets to be LDR- you can't break a marriage or a family just because of geography. Another case in favour of LDRs would be if you get to meet in person , let's say, in a holiday resort or at a convention etc., someone who you like a lot and ticks all the boxes and there's great potential. Only, you live a few hours away from each other : well, maybe it 's worth a try nevertheless.
But, when you start from scratch, with someone you don't know at all and you do not have any attachment for yet, plus he lives 3 hours from you ?... that is a source of frustration and difficulties and general rough sailing even if there were genuine mutual enthusiasm ( .. never mind if they just want to kill time ). Keep it simple- and stay local.
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A
female
reader, Mina_Bhamji +, writes (24 November 2016):
 No point trying again Hun, you've tried twice, what will be different next time? You done the right thing for telling him to message you when he wants to meet, but by then you might not want to, which is fine.
I suggest you speak to more people, cause this guy does not seem serious. Also be cautious with these dating websites, he could be dragging out the meet cause he is a scam, or it could be genuine. But either way his effort isn't matching yours, so it might be best if you leave him to it
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2016): He is giving you the run around. Like lots of guys who troll around on online dating sites. They are not serious. Just playing the field. Sleeping around. Sending out feelers to other women. It's just a game to them. And MANY of them ARE already MARRIED or have girlfriends. And they go on these sites for thrills and an ego boost and because they are pigs generally. So, once a woman asks them to meet, they bail. Because they never intended to take it that far. They are actually happy in their relationships but like to play innocent women because it's fun and it makes them feel powerful and manly and because, oh did I mention, they are pigs?
It's a vicious world online. So many predators and pretenders and players.... I would steer clear of these places. No wonder they would bring you down. Look at the quality of people on these sites. They are mostly losers.
Do not contact this guy again. He is NOT worth your time at all. And please BLOCK his number. Next......
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