A
female
age
41-50,
*oura
writes: I m acctually living a dilemma I recently knew someone who asked me for marriage quite rapidly I was a bit confused ,its true that he is a good guy who has many good qualities ,he works ,he is well educated but he comes from a diffrent back ground it doesn t take him too much to convince me since i really feel its time for me to get a house of my own. the problem is that i thought that since he wants me he would accept to do what ever makes me feel comfortable, but when i told him i would like us to live independently away from his parents he refused, he likes his parents and want me to live with his family including his brothers and sisters .I tried to convince him but he always closes his ears to my arguments, and he recently told me whether to accept or he breaks! he for so many times repeated that he loves me and want no one but me and when it comes for action he prefers his parents I have niether the strenth to let him go cause i love him so much nor can i sacrifies my freedom and peace of mind and accept to live with his family .what i can i do? i really feel overwelmed and lost Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AngelofLove  +, writes (1 January 2008):
 Not matter how much you love someone, do not let anyone manipulate or push you into a situation you are not comfortable with.
Emotional blackmail to break up if he does not get his way is not a good basis for any relationship.
A heathly relationship should have mutual respect, and it means that each partner has equal say on their life together. Otherwise it would not be called partnership, but Ditactorship.
Not sure about his background or culture, modern belief is that whatever you do together should be agreed not forced into by the other.
If someone really loves you, it should be unconditional, that includes respecting your feelings and accepting your decision.
A compromise does not mean that you give in to his say and vice verse.
If you cannot find a satisfactory solution, then your instints are perhaps telling you that this relationship is not good for you.
Don't let your desire to be with this person to loose your freedom to think for yourself.
You can be as strong as you need to be with every situation that you encounter.
Your self esteem is already suffering if you believe that you cannot leave without this person, work on your confidence and stand your ground. You have that right!
Denying yourself the right to choose how you live your life, will only bring you more regret.
Be strong and happy
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 I believe that we, as women, have a very good sense of people, of relationships, and of ourselves. I think that when we question ourselves too much, we miss vital clues that we have already picked up on and that we already know are "truths". Don't second-guess yourself. if you don't feel right about living with his family, about how quickly this is moving and about how he is treating you, you are absolutely right in not going forward with it.
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