A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Currently, I am with a girl who has many nice qualities about her. She is nice, supportive and affectionate, I find her quite physically attractive, and she never gets jealous or nasty- she has nothing "bad" about her at all. Ive been with her 7 months now. What more could u ask for? The trouble is i just feel no "spark"- to the extent where i dont even feel excited about meeting her. Its a long distance relationship (about 2 and a half hours travelling each way) and we only get to meet once a week, which obviously brings additional challenges to the relationship.Whilst i feel bad for saying this- shes nice, but bores me to the point where, when im with her im looking forward to her going home. Ive tried various ways to "spice things up".. But it doesnt work.The problem is, i dont think i could end it. Shes such a lovely person, and she seems very in love with me, i feel like id break her heart and id feel so guilty.. So for months now ive been going along with it because of that. Also, i fear that if i broke up with her, and got with someone else, i might end up with someone who messes me around, and really regret ending with my current gf. I just dont know what to do... any advice would be appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2008): i am in the same situation as you.except my realtionship hasnt been 7 months yet.The guy i am with is amazing. we met and were 'getting together' for a while. it was exciting at first but when it became official everything has become routine. i see him once a week because of long dstance but i don't want to pull it out if i regret my decision later.i feel like you should try and tell her, hint that you're bored and try and spice things up yourself. if you're bored it's likely she is too.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (26 December 2007):
 Sorry if I misspoke myself. I think that you answered your own question in the last paragraph. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, I really think it's either there or it's not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies everyone. I would however like to clear a few things up, because i feel my initial letter perhaps came over a little cold hearted. Firstly, I am definately not using her, i care for her deeply, its more that i do not want to hurt her. Also perhaps "boring" might have been the wrong choice of word. There is, however, a lack of spark which has been on going, and when we meet things are always pleasent- but theres just no excitement. It is a confusing situation, because she has so many perfect qualities ud want in a partner, we even have similar beliefs on things generally- In theory it seems amazing, but in reality, I just dont feel how i should be feeling.This has lead me to worry- perhaps there is some underlying issue with me, that is leading me to have trouble feeling towards her. Either that, or it is a simple case of 'if the feelings not there, its not there'.
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A
female
reader, Still.Hurting. +, writes (26 December 2007):
The best thing to do is end it. If you don't have the 'spark' then there issn't much point carrying it on. The best thing to do is go and see her, sit her down and just say i'm sorry but i don't think it's working out. Tell her that she is a nice girl and perfect in so many ways but she's just not totally right for you, say you still care about her and if she ever needs to talk your there for her.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): if this relationship doesn't meet your needs, why are you in it. Birdynumnums is right !! and you sound as if you are using this girl until someone else better comes along. You have to end it sooner rather than later. This is not a loving relationship. To love someone means to love being with them 24/7. If you say she bores you now after only 7 months, where do you see yourself in a year or 2? I doubt she doesn't notice when you look foward to her going back home every time you meet once a week!!You are hurting her and hurting yourself. You can't push for something not meant to be yours.You have to talk to her and maybe you two can find a solution.Who knows maybe you boer her too and she can't tell you !! Hope this helps. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (26 December 2007):
Hmmmm. I'm not sure that you heart is in it. You are happy to seem content with the status quo, but if you lived closer in proximity to each other, would you still continue this? It doesn't sound like it. In an way, you are kind of using her, in a sense, until something else comes along. That's what I get from your letter. I also get that you aren't "that" kind of person, you are just in a mediocre relationship that you aren't seeing as one with a future. Perhaps you aren't out there looking for what you really want because you are with her as well? Everything in life is a choice! When we choose we always leave something behind. There is a new year approaching, is it time to make a change? Good Luck with all your future choices!
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