A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in a great delimma and need advice. About a month ago I found out that I was expecting. This came to a total surprise for I was on the pill (I recently found out that my taking the Z-Pak for my sinus infection neutralized the birth control). Needless to say at the age of 37 I am expecting and the baby's father is 51. He is very irrate. He even told me that he hated the baby. He looks at me with so much contentment. Just a few months ago we were "in love" and now he does want to make to me nor touch my stomach. I just graduated from a university here in Texas and getting ready to attend the masters program. He is also educated with a B.S. and two masters. He has three kids and the oldest at the tender age of 18 just had his first grand baby. I feel as if he throws his all into kids to avoid time with me and to ignore the pregnancy. He said that he has to take care of his parents, his children and his grand baby and my reply to him was that should include the baby being developed in my womb. He wants me to have an abortion. I recently looked into his cell phone and an old picture of his ex girlfriend which indicates he is definately looking at other woomen. My emotions are crazy right now for of hurt and pain. I do for his family by buying groceries, cooking, cleaning and I know deep in my heart I need to just walk away. I never thought that I would be in this predicament. I have mentioned to him about carrying the baby on his insurance once he/she is born and also I have mentioned about support but he does not say anything. I hate for this to get ugly. Any advice?
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abortion, ex girlfriend, his ex, the pill, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Mango08  +, writes (28 February 2008):
Hi, my heart goes out to you! My ex partner left me when I was 8 weeks pregnant and then made life increasingly difficult... he told me he hated the baby, even called his unborn child 'that b******* baby' I asked him for suggestions for names and the list of swear words he gave should not be repeated...his behaviour was dispicable and he caused me alot of anguish and unhappiness. From experience pregnancy alone is very daunting and lonely. However the best advice I can give you is enjoy your pregnancy, your labour (sounds crazy I know) but it is an amazing experience, the early weeks etc... and don't let this man spoil it for you! It takes two, and both parties are accountable for their actions not just you! Get him out of your life now, enjoy your pregnancy and your baby he is not good enough for you and he will be the one missing out on his beautifull baby one day! You are still young enough to find someone who will love you and your child.Obviously things are a little different in the UK, but seek legal advice as early as possible re:financial support and visitation rights (for a man to say he hates an unborn baby it shows what an unstable person he is I certainly would not want him near me or my child), join as many single parent groups as possible for support and hopefully you will meet others in simillar situations, you could consider a birth doula for labour as well as mum/sister/best friend.Single parenthood is really not that bad, yeah sure its hard work, tiring, lonely at times, daunting but it is also very rewarding and your baby will be very much loved and cared for and you will melt the first time you see him/her smile/say mama and all those little things make it all worth it! You are an extremely brave and strong woman be proud of yourself and what you are doing. Ignore people when they say otherwise, Untill they walk a mile in your shoes, how can they have the right to judge?!seek some counselling if you think it might help and keep talking to anyone who's willing to listen! I know the emotions through pregnancy are very turbulent without difficulties and it's important not to bottle it up and not share it, it's hard going through pregnancy alone for that reason, so start sharing it with someone worthy of this special experience!Good luck and best wishes, feel free to mail me if you want to chat, Oh and Congratulations on your pregnancy! x
A
female
reader, xapathyxrebornx +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Hun well i suggest you follow your heart and leave him and seek legal advice too on the insurance thing. Do what you feel is right, being a single parent isn't as hard as people make it out to be these days(its hard but you know what i mean)
LOVE your child and i wish you the best of luck x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): Hi anonYou are in shock dear, your pregnancy wasn't planned (alot never are) but at the end of the day you have got to do whats right for YOU. Do you want this baby? only you can really answer that, are you prepared to go it alone (lots of woman do) you are in a prime time in your life and are not some silly schoolgirl, grandad will just have to go along with what you decide one way or another as he got your pregnant.Great replies so far wish you well
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (4 January 2008):
 Doesn't sound like the best bet for a happy future, from what he has said to you and judging from his past commitments and current behavior. If you are sure that you want to go ahead and become a single mom, you should be committed to doing it on your own. Like Panungalungh said, seek legal council for advice on securing financial assistance in raising your child.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (4 January 2008):
 He sounds like a real gem of a guy (sarcasm). 2 masters degrees equals one a-hole in this case.
I'd seek legal advice as far as financial support. A court should order child support. You should be eligible for state aid for medical benefits for your baby. Live your life. Raise your child on your own, it's been done before. I'm a single father and am living proof that you can do it if you want to.
Good luck.
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