A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have been with my beau for about a 6 weeks now. He is very much in love with me, but I don't share quite as intense of feelings. He is a great guy and amazing to be with, but I would rather him just as a friend. The problem is I know we have only been together a short period of time, and there should be nothing serious about us, but he keeps talking about the future and us staying together for a long time. I talk to him about this, and told him to slow things down, but it hasn't. In January he wants me to go with his family on their annual vacation...I keep feeling as if I should break up with him, because he wants more from this relationship than I...should I do it before the trip? I just don't want to wait till after and him think I was using him for holiday, but I do enjoy his company. You see I really don't want to break things off with him, but if it doesn't work out, then I would rather do it now so he wouldn't be as hurt if I waited until more feelings, emotions, etc were involved...some input would be appreciated.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (2 January 2008):
 Hi Again,
Based on what you have said, if you still have feelings for him and you can get him to Slow Down with the intensity, then all I can say is that it's up to you. I have to say, usually the girl determines the direction of the relationship and how close it becomes. Obviously, We are the only ones who know in advance if they are going to get lucky or not! lol!
If at ANY time, you are really not happy with the intensity and direction that this relationship is going and he DOESN'T listen or slow it down, then That is a BIG red warning flag on how he actually relating to you and whether or not he Respects your feelings. If that happens, you should walk away and find a relationship that you are more comfortable with. You are exactly at the age where most people are "trying on" different relationships, so this is a perfectly normal thing for you to be considering right now - finding out who you like and who you want to be with!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks that did help a lot. Do you think that even if I am not as serious about the relationship as him...should I still stay with him and NOT go on holiday, or just quit cold turkey right now?
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (1 January 2008):
You should definitely not go away with his family on their annual vacation. You were SO wise to consider this BEFORE you accepted their kind invitation. He is inviting you as a future member of the family and his family will be incurring extra expenses on your behalf. It would seem very false to them if you broke up with him after they had payed for a trip for you.
It's funny that you asked this question. This situation actually DID happen to me, and I was the mother involved.
The girl who was with my son actually phoned me personally and told me that she had to decline because she wasn't sure how serious she was with her intentions towards my son and that she didn't feel comfortable accepting a trip under the circumstances. I have always appreciated that fact that she did that and thought that she was very gracious and that she behaved with impeccable manners. It couldn't have been a very easy phone call for her to make, I though it was very mature of her.
Cheers, hope this helps.
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