A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel so guilty, I saw a text from my boyfriend's ex girlfriend on Christmas Day saying she missed him, and I deleted it, so he has no idea she text.The background on this is that they broke up a year ago, just after Christmas. I have been with my boyfriend since February. He'd basically emotionally detatched from her before he broke up with her, and she, it seems, has never gotten over it.She's got a boyfriend, who she got with when she found out I was seeing my boyfriend. But all throughout our relationship she's sent him manipulative little texts and emails, trying to make him remember 'how good' their relationship was etc, trying to toy with his emotions.He has always said to me that he doesn't have feelings for her, and after her texting him a month ago and us having a row about it, he said he wouldn't reply to any of her texts etc, and he hasn't.I deleted the text because I'm sick of her mind games. It makes me angry she thinks she has the right to text MY boyfriend saying she misses him.Am I wrong? I feel like a bad girlfriend...It's not in my nature to snoop.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2008): your not wrong
what a sad gf txting his ex saying she misses him and stuff when she has a bf
i feel sorry for the bf!
you were probably doing your bf a favour anyway
needy clingy ex's are SO ANNOYING!
ive blocked a few of my ex's numbers
you could get your bf to do that too
but just tell your bf if you dont want to feel guilty!
:)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2008): I'd say it wasn't your choice to delete the text. I would say she shouldn't be sending him "i miss you" texts, but now that i think about it, if i really truly missed someone, i might text them and tell them.... i dunno. love is a complicated thing
maybe ur bf just needs to give her the closure she needs and shell be able to move on
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A
male
reader, JohnR  +, writes (2 January 2008):
 Hi. I'm gonna take the middle of the road here. You, as his current boyfriend have a right not to have ex-girlfriends contacting him. I think you should have went to your boyfriend, told him you were looking at his phone and saw the text. Would he please delete it, and most phones nowadays have an option to 'block sender'. If he blocks her number, and deletes the text, then just move on and ignore it. If he hesitates or something, then you need to think very hard on if it is really over with his ex or not. If you're in a 'serious' relationship, you do have a right to know what is going on in your boyfriends life. This includes reading his texts/e-mails, etc. If he has nothing to hide, great for the two of you. Don't put any blame on him for his ex's behavior though.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (31 December 2007):
 I am with you girl! I am 52 yrs old & had the same thing go on with my boyfriend. And, I did the same thing as you, with an email. It was an email that said "Merry Christmas". I emailed her back "AS HIM" and said "Merry Christmas to you too... From John & Rene"
If that text happened to me, I know this may sound evil, haha.... but I would say something like...." Merry Christmas... I hope this New Year will bring happiness to your life... as happy as I am with mine....You really need to move on, because I have."
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (31 December 2007):
 Yes, you know that you did the wrong thing. That's why you are writing to us.
However, I would have done the same exact thing on Christmas Day. She knows better than to do that after a full year of manipulating your relationship. Let her know exactly how you feel about this ongoing situation by returning the NEXT message that she has sends back to HER boyfriend. She might have a bit less free time to text your boyfriend if she is busy trying to explain her actions to her own. I'd also demand that he get a new number once and for all. Enough is enough! Now it's bordering on being unfaithful emotionally to you by always accepting her stalking, er, I mean calls.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (31 December 2007):
 You are in the wrong. Your intentions are good, but sadly, that doesn't make what you did right. I suggest you tell your boyfriend, apologize, and explain why you did it. I'm sure he will understand why. Hopefully he won't be cross because your intentions were good.
It must be frustrating for you, knowing that an old flame is after somebody who is with you now, so the best of luck to you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): Yes, you are in the wrong. But you need to accept that he doesn't want a relationship . he snoops and plays mind games.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, sexseahot +, writes (31 December 2007):
 I understand where you're coming from. I'd probably do the same thing. It's not that you don't trust HIM, you just don't want to really deal with this ex anymore. It was wrong that you deleted the text, just tell him about it and tell him why you did it. Someone can only take so much of an ex that acts this way. Just tell him to tell her to get out of his life and move on with hers. You or him don't need to deal with this or get into arguments because of her. If he cares about you and not her, he will be able to tell her to just back off and live her own life.
Good Luck!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 December 2007): Well done. Very Good. I would have done the same thing.
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female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (31 December 2007):
 To be honest yeah your in the wrong but so is she for texting him all the time, i think you need to tell him and explain why you deleted the message then give him an ulitmatum you or her he needs to tell his ex to move on and get over it i dont think she undertsand how she is ruining your relationships or maybe she does and loves the power, but you do need to tell him to clear your conscience and face the consequences.
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A
male
reader, Somethingeasy +, writes (31 December 2007):
 No your not wrong. Your just doing what you want. Your boyfriend should probally change his phone number as well.
Physco Ex-Girlfriends are the worst.
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