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Ever since I can remember people have always fascinated me. I seemed to be very adept at solving people’s “life” problems and I never tired of the constant flow of friends asking for my help. I have always been a great listener and have a lot of patience and empathy for people and have written for advice columns in the past.
I am a Relationships Councillor and Life Coach and have a special aptitude with people. I have been active on this site for a number of years. I'm very much a positive thinker and hate being around negative people. Life is for living, it's too short to moan all the time. I'm determined, very spiritual, grounded, independent, strong willed and love life. Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
If you realized just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought. The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
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| Latest articles: REAL Love!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 July 2010: I have written this blog a few times but I thought I'd write it in an "article", that way people can always view it. To love a person, first and foremost you must KNOW them personally. Lots of teenagers say they "love" a celebrity or are "in love"...
Some tips for a happy marriage!
This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: MARRIAGE - WHAT IS EXPECTED IN A MARRIAGE? Once you marry, don’t expect everything just to fall into place. Marriage is a serious commitment but it needs to be continually worked at. Too many people today go into marriage for the wrong reasons, t...
20 questions to ask someone on a date!
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: So many of the younger ones on this site tend to be a bit tongue tied about what to ask their date so here are 20 things to ask someone on that first date. 1. What do you like to do when you're not working? 2. Where in the world would you most...
Why do you think marriages break up more now than in the past?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: Do you remember years ago when families used to sit in at nights? They had no TV, no computer games, no telephones, no DVD's, no video recorders etc etc. They had one another! They had TIME to get to know one another, to BE with one another to ...
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I cheated on my boyfriend, how can I regain his trust?
Q. I cheated on my boyfriend, how can i regain his trust? Me and my boyfriend have been together a year in April. When met in a bar, and this night we didnt realised we liked one another until our friends talked together. But before we knew this (or...
A. 24 February 2007: Again, it's the trust issue. If you trusted Craig 100 per cent it wouldn't bother you that Jo and him had gone to his room to pick a movie. Seems to me that Craig is enjoying winding you up. Why on earth would a boyfriend tell his girlfriend that ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend tells me she's 16, her mates tell me she's only 14, I'm 24. She never wants to see me and always has excuses, her mates tell me she's cheating on me, I don't know what to believe! Help!!!
Q. I'm 24 Years old i'm dateing a 16 year old girlfriend who i never see. the problem, i never see my new girlfriend but i have a big heart to dump her for not seeing me. i kind of blame myself for us not seeing each over. v-day i lost the car ...
A. 24 February 2007: You say her mates are "just kids" so it may well be she IS only 14. That being said you say she attends college and 14 is too young to be at college so it's probably the case that she is 16. Why would you ever want to go out and sleep with someone ... (read in full...)
Should I give her an ultimatum or just stick it out?
Q. Hi Im a single guy and would like some advice. On 04/12/06 I started chatting with a girl nearby in a chat room. Anyway we hit it off instantly and after a couple of weeks she asked to meet me. However I still haven’t met here. Every time we ...
A. 24 February 2007: I think it's quite obvious she's making excuses NOT to meet with you. She's either really scared it might spoil what she has already with you or she's with someone else. You'll need to do your own detective work here.
Let her know you know som... (read in full...)
My partner had an affair, we have 3 kids together and I just can't get over it, I feel his mom planned it all.
Q. My boyfriend had an affair a year ago..We have just started our 9th yr together and have 3 beautiful children.To say i was shocked and devestated would be an understatement. The woman he was with was an ex..she stayed best buds with his mom. I never ...
A. 24 February 2007: Have you confronted your partner with all of this? What is he saying about it? You really need to tell him that continuing to see his ex is destroying you! He is taking you for granted here big time love.
Okay so there are 2 things you can ... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend, how can I regain his trust?
Q. I cheated on my boyfriend, how can i regain his trust? Me and my boyfriend have been together a year in April. When met in a bar, and this night we didnt realised we liked one another until our friends talked together. But before we knew this (or...
A. 24 February 2007: You are both very insecure in your relationship together and both need to learn to trust one another more. Okay, so he's saying he doesn't trust you because you kissed another guy. You were straight and upfront with him, you were honest enough to ... (read in full...)
Can a relationship with a young person with hardly any baggage and a man ten years older with a lot of baggage be healthy and equal?
Q. I am 22 years old and work as a substance abuse/mental health case manager. I have been drawn to the helping profession not because I have a history of abuse/mental illness/addiction/abandonment, but rather because I am passionate about helping ...
A. 24 February 2007: I don's see any reason why this can't work. You both have lots in common and have the same interests. He talks to you about his alcohol problem because you are in that field and know only too well what he's been through besides, you want to ... (read in full...)
Where can my husband and I go for a weekend away from the kids? we need time alone if you know what i mean?
Q. Where can my husband and I go for a weekend away from the kids? we need time alone if you know what i mean?...
A. 24 February 2007: Why don't you leave the kids with friends for the weekend and just lock yourselves in! No one even need know you're still home. That way you can do what you want without being disturbed. Have a nice candlelit meal together and flirt with one ... (read in full...)
Why can I not get a date? I'm told I'm pretty but I won't "put it about!"
Q. Hi! I have boy troubles! Well I don't want to sound concieted but I at least get told I'm pretty or beautiful by strangers everyday. I was nominated for most beautiful in high school and I won miss personality plus. I was in the 10% of my class n I ...
A. 24 February 2007: Good for you for having morals and principles and not "putting it about". You obviously have respect for yourself so well done there. Sometimes guys feel intimidated by beautiful women, they think they're out of their league and get all ... (read in full...)
I just saw my ex a week ago, he's gorgeous and I want him back.... he has a girlfriend though. How do I get him back?
Q. i about a week ago i saw one of my exs who i had a miscarriage with. But i wanted out and now i have seen him i really love he and want him back, i would do anything. the past couple of nites i havent been able to sleep and i cant get him out of my ...
A. 24 February 2007: He's told you he has a girlfriend and he wouldn't go behind her back. You leaving messages on his phone will only make him step back even more. Don't keep texting and calling him, you're only making a fool out of yourself doing that and it makes ... (read in full...)
My male friend just broke up with his girlfriend, I'm confused as to whether he wants to go out with me, what do you think? And if so, what should I do?
Q. I need help. My best Male friend broke up with his girlfriend and on IM he said he wnated to "get back out there." Then he put "you" an put a * next to it. I realy like him and I donno if he asked me out or not. It's been weeks since weve talked ...
A. 24 February 2007: You obviously get on well enough with each other so yes, it might be a hint to you and because you haven't said anything about it he maybe thinks you don't want to go out with him. Next time you see him, ask him out for a coffee or a smoothie, or ... (read in full...)
How do I get his trust back again?
Q. I used to lie to my boyfriend a lot so he cant really trust me when i tell him something. How do i get his trust back?...
A. 24 February 2007: Trust is one of the cornerstones in a relationship. It will take him a while to trust you again. He will need to see by your ACTIONS that from now on, you mean what you say. If you are totally honest with him at all times then slowly his trust ... (read in full...)
He has another woman but I want him. What's wrong with that??
Q. In reply to your answer, I just want the man back, not because he has another woman. I had feelings for him when he didn't have another woman. Its my heart that I'm thinking of and I believe we could work this time. What's wrong with trying to get ...
A. 24 February 2007: Please give the link to your last question so I can try and help you. Not enough information here.
Eve... (read in full...)
I don't seem to be attracted to males or females. Is this normal?
Q. please help, i am a 17 yr old 'straight' girl. i do go out with boys but never find myself attracted to any of them. i thought about if i could be a lesbian but i am not attracted to girls either....it appears i am not particuarly attracted to ...
A. 24 February 2007: It may be you just haven't met the right person yet or it could be that you are what is termed "a-sexual." Someone who is a-sexual does not find males or females sexually attractive. Have a look at the links below and you can read a bit more about ... (read in full...)
How do I entice my old lover back again?
Q. What advice do you give to women, who runs into a old lover and wants to get back with him? How do we do it? Flirting, dressing sexy, setting up an accidental meeting, etc?...
A. 24 February 2007: You run into them and ask them to meet you for coffee one day as friends. Don't dress to kill. Dress smart but casual and just catch up. They could already be with someone else so keep it platonic and friendly. If they aren't attached and are ... (read in full...)
I have a tendency to think too much, how can I not just go out and enjoy myself like my buddies?
Q. It's been a year since my last relationship. I do feel somewhat lonely in that respects. There are several women that regularly flirt with me and show interest but I am not interested in them. My buddies smack me on the shoulder and tell me to ...
A. 24 February 2007: When you go out socialising, you don't necessarily have to go out with the intention of "pulling" a woman. Go out and have fun with your friends and assert yourself. If some of your friends are female then let them know (if they're attached or you ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend never wants to go out with me any more, she says she has no money yet she is always out clubbing with her friends.
Q. I have been with my fiancee for 10 months. After new year all she did was go down town with her friends all the time. We live a long distance from each other and we used to spend every weekend together but latly she would rather go to the pub. Also ...
A. 24 February 2007: Look at the facts: you used to spend every weekend together now she prefers to go to the pub with her mates, rarely rings you, says she hasn't any money to see you, is always out clubbing... come on, it's perfectly obvious, she's moved on and is too ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and really really like this boy. How can I pluck up the courage to go and talk to him?
Q. I'm 14 and I'm really shy around certain people. I haven't dated anybody before. I don't know why but I really like this guy but I have never talked to him before but I have seen him in the hallways and he is way more outgoing then I am. Every time ...
A. 24 February 2007: Why don't you go up to him before school starts and say to him "Excuse me do you have the right time, I think my watch has stopped?" Then wait for him to answer you. You could then ask him what year he's in and what are his favourite subjects. If ... (read in full...)
How can I keep my jealousy under control?
Q. i need help. i get jealous pretty easily when my girlfriend talks to other men. I confess, it all started with my last gf who i didn't go out with for long, but she cheated on me anyway but broke up with me before things got serious (as far as I ...
A. 24 February 2007: Feelings such as jealousy are based on fear and do not come from love at all, we say we feel like this BECAUSE we love the person but this isn't the case at all. Jealousy comes from wanting to possess and wanting to own or have. One cannot own ... (read in full...)
Is it normal still to have feelings for your first love, even when you're married?
Q. I am 26 years old and have been married for 3 years. I love my husband very much and never want to be without him, but I am feeling very guilty and confused. I recently ran into my high school boyfriend/first love and found myself thinking about ...
A. 24 February 2007: I wouldn't call him on the phone as that's too personal, especially as it is you making the first move here. If you were going to get in touch with him at all, I would only do it with the consent of your husband. Let him see what you've written ... (read in full...)
What does EMPHAZIMAR mean?
Q. Hi Do you know what E M P H A Z I M A R means Is it spelt right?...
A. 24 February 2007: I think you are referring to EMPHYSEMA (pronounced: emfiseema)as the other aunts suggested. Emphysema is a form of chronic lung disease often accompanying chronic bronchitis. It is often caused by exposure to tobacco smoke. Here are a couple of ... (read in full...)
Because of previous relationships Im coming over as Needy with my new man, how can I better handle this ??
Q. I have horrible insecurities and they're turning my life into a living hell! For 10yrs i was married to a man who drained every last ounce of self confidence from me (you're too fat, too stupid etc). My new man and the love of my life is 3yrs ...
A. 24 February 2007: Here are a couple of links that will help you to keep the romance and passion alive in your relationship.
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/men/menu/articles/0,,426361_285737,00.html
http:... (read in full...)
She's getting married! I can't even imagine a future without her. Is there anything I can do to bring her back??
Q. I'm in love with a girl who was mine up until 8 months ago. At that time, because I was already in a relationship which is now ending - and because I was only in her town occasionally - she met a guy there and decided that she needed someone who was ...
A. 23 February 2007: Here is the link to the birthstone pendant again, it didn't come out properly. If it doesn't come out properly again then put all of this link into your address bar - http://www.limogesjewelry.com/Custom.asp?productid=4411&srccd=OTC-mercfindgift
... (read in full...)
She's getting married! I can't even imagine a future without her. Is there anything I can do to bring her back??
Q. I'm in love with a girl who was mine up until 8 months ago. At that time, because I was already in a relationship which is now ending - and because I was only in her town occasionally - she met a guy there and decided that she needed someone who was ...
A. 23 February 2007: You were the one that broke it off with her because you were already IN a relationship so you really can't blame her for wanting someone in her life 100 per cent of the time. That said, she still seems to have feelings for you but now wants to keep ... (read in full...)
She's came back into my life and I want to get closer to her again. How can I do this?
Q. I'm having a bit of a problem, i was best friends with this girl all my life and the last 4 years i was at the same school/college and lived near her i fell deeply in love with her. We were always together saw each other everyday i used to spend a ...
A. 23 February 2007: She obviously still feels the same way you do but going round to her house means you might not have privacy to talk and get closer. If you do manage to get some privacy and she still has feelings for you then there's no reason why you can't kiss her ... (read in full...)
My mum is stressing me out, I can't even LOOK at a boy on TV let alone date one but she'll throw a fit!
Q. what to do? i've just turned 16, and my mum is really obsessed with school, and when i even mention a boy off the tele she has a stress, mainly because she left school to be with my dad and apparently it ruined her life, but i can't even look ...
A. 23 February 2007: She wants YOU to have what she didn't. She feels she ruined her life and never completed her education. She's only trying to protect you and make sure you don't make the same mistakes so don't be too hard on her for wanting the best for you. Sit ... (read in full...)
We live together and argue all the time, now my boyfriend's thinking of breaking up. How can I prove myself to him?
Q. myself and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years. we lived together and recently he has moved out after months of arguing and acting like a married couple and doesnt know if he wants to break up. i know he loves me and i love him he. he is ...
A. 23 February 2007: Okay, so you get back together and he moves back in. Can you see things changing? Do you know where the problems lie? Have you spoken about what it is exactly that you both find anoying about each other? THAT has to be done and ironed out before ... (read in full...)
Is there any way I can get him to leave his girlfriend, he says he wants to.....
Q. hey. well im in a bit of a situation, i met this guy a year ago, and we got together, for a few weeks then stopped contact for 6 months, then he approached me, and althou we not dating we've been seeing each other since november last year, then i ...
A. 23 February 2007: Yep, the other aunts are right, he's a player and has no intentions of settling with just you or anyone else for that matter. Either be happy to be his friend, (that means NOT sleeping with him) or put him out of your head and move on to find ... (read in full...)
How can I get myself motivated?
Q. Hi Can you please tell me the way to get motivated in keeping my self clean and tidy meaning face, nails etc. as well as doing some cleaning in the week I have just had my hair cut ready for a colour (myself) but not got round too it yet which was...
A. 23 February 2007: It all starts in your mind. Tell yourself if you look after yourself you'll look good and if you look good you'll feel good! Do what needs to be done around the house then reward yourself with something nice, it could be a coffee and your ... (read in full...)
My grandparents can't understand that I'm gay and keep asking me when I'm going to get a girlfriend! How can I get them off my case?
Q. I am a 17 year old guy and I have been with my boyfriend for three months. I recently came out to my parents and they were cool about it. However, my granparents are very traditional and they often make jokes about gay people. The thing is they keep ...
A. 23 February 2007: You're only 17 and still very young (to them). I wouldn't tell them for now. Like you said, they're traditionalists, a different generation and they'll never understand until their dying day why you have to be gay so I would save yourself and your ... (read in full...)
Hubby treats me like a kid sister! I want him to find me desirable again. What should I do?
Q. What do men really want in a wife? I’ve been married for only 4 years and I mean I think I’ve lost my husband’s romantic/sexual attention. He sees me as his kid sister. He tells me oh your so cute and hugs and that’s it. I honestly don’t know what ...
A. 23 February 2007: I totally agree with the other male reader. YOU need to take control here. You tell HIM what you want. Dress much more provocatively and tell him you want to be seen as a sexy desirable woman! Become much more assertive and TELL him what you ... (read in full...)
I can't see us getting back together but I can't face life without him either? What can I do?????
Q. Here I am again.... Please help me guys. My boyfriend dumped me at Christmas after calling a break. After two and a half years (long distance but saw each otehr every fortnight) he wasnt sure I was his future, etc. The problem is I cant get over it....
A. 23 February 2007: Life is full of hard knocks and can be tough. My advice to you would be to remain friends with him, that's really all you can do for now. When you talk with him, whether it be over the net, email, text or whatever, always sound cheerful and not ... (read in full...)
Cops have caught us, making out---twice! Will my parents find out? Will I be kicked out of school? Help!
Q. My boyfriend n I are super worried! Last december {we go to a community college} we were caught making out in the parking lot..the cop was very nice and just asked if I was 18 n I said yes..n if I was there on my own will..n I said yes..n he lets us ...
A. 23 February 2007: You weren't doing anything wrong. You were only lying talking, even had the windows down, nothing wrong in that. It's only your guilty conscience (because you were caught before) that's freaking you out. Taking a note of the licence plate is ... (read in full...)
Hubby had an affair and I just found out! Do I throw 10 years away or give him a chance?
Q. I found out three weeks ago my husband has had an affair. We have been married for 10 yrs and he has just turned 40. he has spent since christmas being very moody and distant and said it was just things getting him down, fed up etc, however 3 weeks ...
A. 23 February 2007: Sit down together when it's quiet and have a serious talk with him. Tell him how much it's crushed you and it will take time to build up the trust in him again. If you love him and really want to try and sort this then tell him he's on "trial" for ... (read in full...)
My hubby worships his ex and I feel threatened! Should I contact her?
Q. My husband has an ex that he worshipped. Even though we've been married for years, I still feel threatened by her. I found her profile on myspace. Why would I want to contact her and should I?...
A. 23 February 2007: How are things going in your marriage? Do you have any problems? Is he still loving and attentive towards you? Are you still intimate regularly? If he's a loving husband and doesn't seem distant then you have nothing to worry about. I still ... (read in full...)
He doesn't like to call me his 'gf' even though we date! How much longer should I wait for him to accept me as his gf or should I even wait??
Q. I've been dating a guy for over five months and things have been going well except for one problem: he won't call me his "girlfriend." He acts like my boyfriend in every other way though. We get together a couple times a week, he wants to meet all ...
A. 23 February 2007: He's right, it IS only a label. You both seem to hit it off, dump your insecurities and enjoy being together and having fun. The very fact he's told you he doesn't like you seeing anyone else is enough to tell you he's smitten. The more you go on ... (read in full...)
My ex is dating another guy and I am sick over it! Can anyone help?
Q. I can't get over my ex. makes me ill most of the times. Shes always there with her new bf, telling me how much there in love, and I just want to break down and cry. can any one help?...
A. 23 February 2007: Hey she's only doing this to make her jealous, actually she's being very spiteful and selfish in what she's doing. She may even be USING this poor guy to make a point! She's not worth it love. If she liked you she'd never hurt you like this.
... (read in full...)
I like him as a friend but he wants to marry me! Should I just move on?
Q. Hi all, I'm currently in university and have run into a "relationship" problem. One of my guy friends has told me he loves me and that he wants me to be his girlfriend. This is good and all, however, I don't really have feelings for him. This is...
A. 23 February 2007: You told him you'd think about it... You need to give him some kind of explanation and the sooner you do this the better. Tell him you HAVE thought about it and as flattered as you are, you really do like and respect him ONLY as a friend. You've ... (read in full...)
My partner goes cold towards me when one of his friends is around! What is the problem...any ideas?
Q. Ive been with my partner for five years now and most of the time we have a fantastic relationship. But there is a problem, in the form of one of his friends. Whenever he is around my partner, my partner becomes quite cold towards me, very matter ...
A. 23 February 2007: If things are going well with you and your partner and it is only when this friend appears then it sounds to me this friend has a lot of influence over him. Maybe when they're out together he tells him he's "under the thumb" and that he should get ... (read in full...)
How can I get rid of severe depression?
Q. Im suffering badly with severe depression, i am in a long term long distance relationship and we have been together 1yr and 6months. ive got no friends at all accept 1 or 2 but they moved away, and i have no family, i only have my boyfriend and ...
A. 23 February 2007: If you feel really depressed about things then only YOU can do something about this. First of all I would recommend you go and see your GP and tell them how you're feeling. You don't have to go through this alone you know. The next thing you do ... (read in full...)
I feel like I have to satisfy him every day, he's not pushing for it, it's just me!
Q. I think I have some underlying issues concerning sex that need sorting. They've only really become obvious since I've been with my present partner, which is the past 2 years. I feel the need to have sex or satisfy him some other way all the time. I ...
A. 23 February 2007: I think you find that having sex with your boyfriend is one of the ways you find you really "connect" with him. That in turn makes you feel worthy and needed. He probably expresses himself in the bedroom and you KNOW you're pleasing him. Out of ... (read in full...)
Should I call him and just be single so I don't keep making him mad?
Q. hey, again. i'm the one that loved my boyfriend but liked two other guys. well anyway theres this new kid at school and me and him flirt well today at luch i was sitting with my boyfriend and the new kid past our table and he smiled and shook hi...
A. 23 February 2007: No, I wouldn't call him. I would wait and see if HE calls you. There's nothing wrong with smiling at someone, just because you do doesn't mean you fancy them. Seems to me your boyfriend is the one with the problem here, he seems jealous. If he ... (read in full...)
Because of previous relationships Im coming over as Needy with my new man, how can I better handle this ??
Q. I have horrible insecurities and they're turning my life into a living hell! For 10yrs i was married to a man who drained every last ounce of self confidence from me (you're too fat, too stupid etc). My new man and the love of my life is 3yrs ...
A. 22 February 2007: The good thing is you're AWARE you are this way, that's important! You just nead to learn how to fix it! Okay, so he's had lots of women before you, where are they now? They're out of the equation because he's chosen YOU! You obviously have a lot ... (read in full...)
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