A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend had an affair a year ago..We have just started our 9th yr together and have 3 beautiful children.To say i was shocked and devestated would be an understatement. The woman he was with was an ex..she stayed best buds with his mom. I never realised just how close. NOW IT HAS ALL COME OUT! While i slaved away at wk ends as a chef.. mother in law would kindly offer to cook dinner for my bf and kids. rest of wk. i stayed home with kids.. did EVERYTHING FOR HIM..EVERYHING.GOURMET food..sex goddess in bedroom. ANYTHING HE WANTED .and i loved him with every fiber of my being. Well...the ex was always invited to mothers 4 dinner too. THEY GO ON SKI HOLS EACH YR.TOGETHER.. Have little dinner parties together. I HAVE NEVER BEEN INVITED FOR 'DINNER'..EVER!she wants my bf to be with ex. i know in my heart.. she pushed and pushed.. So he took the bait. HE HAD AN AFFAIR.. SLEPT WIH HER TWICE.. EXACTLY A YEAR AGO TONIGHT HE WAS ROLLING AROUND NAKED IN 'HER' BED. i can not get the picture of them out of my head. I AM SO SAD..I WANT TO DIE.I loved him so much and cannot believe that the same person that i see every day.. and acts the same was capable of doing this. We are still together..but i m not sure if i want to be. He acts the same as ever.. but i am never going 2 trust him again.. so i question every move.. call.. everything. THEY ALL DESTROYED MY LIFE.. MY TRUST IN ANYONE.. AND I CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, batman  +, writes (24 February 2007):
 you might eather want to tell him how you feel or if you really don't want to go out with him anymore then just dump him.
A
male
reader, fallenman  +, writes (24 February 2007):
 I can not agree more, betrayal of trust hurts. It cuts like a knife straight into the heart of the victim. In many ways its worse than if he had died. The loss, the injustice, the cruelty, the anger, the devastation, the confusion, the searching that our minds do in this situation is exhausting.
So what can be done? First DO NOT TRY TO MAKE A DECISION IN A CRISIS. It just will not be the best choice you can make.
Having said that, what else can be done.
1) Don't take revenge and don't harbor bitterness, it will eat you up worse than an aggressive cancer.
2) This bit is more difficult, accept that nothing can bring back the relationship as it was, trust that has been broken can never be rebuilt to the same level as before. When you are ready (which will take time) decide to forgive him, not for his sake but for your sake, if will help you to move on.
And if you choose to forgive it should not be in his presence do it privately. His guilt is his issue, if indeed he has any guilt!
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (24 February 2007):
 Have you confronted your partner with all of this? What is he saying about it? You really need to tell him that continuing to see his ex is destroying you! He is taking you for granted here big time love.
Okay so there are 2 things you can do, either tell him no more involvement with the ex. If he cares for you at all then he'll know this is not only wrong but it's hurting you so much. If he refuses to do this then it speaks for itself, he doesn't love you enough to be totally committed to you only.
The other thing of course would be to tell him to leave. You have the children so he moves out, plain and simple! If, after you both talk, he continues to see her then again you need to tell him to leave. If you both own a home together then the house goes up for sale and you find somewhere for you and the kids to go. You don't deserve all his philandering. You are mother to 3 kids, work hard every day, come home and be the perfect wife for him and this is how he repays you?
TALK!
Eve
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