A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my partner for five years now and most of the time we have a fantastic relationship.But there is a problem, in the form of one of his friends.Whenever he is around my partner, my partner becomes quite cold towards me, very matter of fact and to be honest it really hurts.Its happening at the moment and i dont really know how to deal with it?Help please Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): I think it is a blokes thing. They get with their mates and they turn on the macho bit. They cannot possibly be seen as the loving caring bloke that we all know. They must be hard and appear uncaring. I would have a talk with him and point out exactly how you feel. Don't be fobbed off but his excuses, let him know that this is rude and totally unacceptable. Say that if this persists then you will have to rethink your relationship.
Take care
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Sweety, its your happiness at stake, not your bf's happiness or his friend's happiness. . It's time for you to set the rules down and tell your man, this friend's influence on him is causing you to tolerate bad behaviors that you shouldn't have to. Someone...preferably-this friend- has to leave this dysfunctional trio, so ask your bf to choose. Either you or this friend. Be prepared to follow through if your guy sticks it out with his loser friend. It's plain to see that his friend has some sort hold on your bf and I can bet, if it's not a personal vendetta against you...it definitely has to do with all women, in general. If your guy cannot or won't take a stand for you or realize his weak behavior is inappropriate then do you really want an emotionally immature, uncaring guy like this in your life. I know I sure wouldn't want a wuss. I'd want a man who would tell his friend...to respect his woman, irregardless. You should be his number one woman...his priority. Lay down the rules and take a stand for your own happiness and be prepared to pay the price, (leaving this nowhere relationship with a loser,weak man) or accept that these two guys will always be dumping crap on you. The choice is yours.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (23 February 2007):
 If things are going well with you and your partner and it is only when this friend appears then it sounds to me this friend has a lot of influence over him. Maybe when they're out together he tells him he's "under the thumb" and that he should get out more often. Silly guy talk! When he comes round, he tries to let him see he's NOT like that (which I'm sure he's not.) He obviously enjoys being with you or you would never have been together 5 years. I think he's only trying to "impress" his masculinity when his mate is there.
Let him know you can see it a mile off and you didn't realise his friend had such an influence over him. Ask him to cool it a bit as it really hurts you. Either that or just totally ignore it and say to him in jest when you're alone that you didn't realise his mate had so much influence on him. Either way I wouldn't worry about it too much... unless of course his mate is gay and fancies him! Long shot... but not impossible!
Eve
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (22 February 2007):
 I think this is something that you have got to talk to your partner about. Tell him that you are really hurt by his coldness when his friend is around.
When this other guy comes over has he got a partner?.
If he comes alone it could be that he is giving his mate 100% of his attention being a guest. Not that i think he should be cold torwards you, i think that is wrong. Maybe he is embarrased to show you warmth infront of him because he is affraid of what his mate will think, or he will take the micky out of him.
Either way tell your partner how you feel.
Good luck x
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