A
female
age
41-50,
*agirl
writes:I've been dating a guy for over five months and things have been going well except for one problem: he won't call me his "girlfriend." He acts like my boyfriend in every other way though. We get together a couple times a week, he wants to meet all my friends and I've met all of his, we sleep together and spend whole weekends together. He told me that he doesn't like labels like boyfriend and girlfriend and that he thinks they carry too much responsibility and pressure. He also said that he wants our relationship to progress naturally and doesn't want to force things along. Last week I went on a date with a different guy and he found out about it. Then he told me he didn't want me seeing other guys and that he wasn't seeing other girls either. But I'm still not his girlfriend. How much longer should I wait for him? Or should I even wait at all? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2007): wierd i had the same problem. I came to find out he was saying that to about 3 diff girls at the same time (me being one of them) HE "DIDN"T WANT A GIRLFRIEND" yet the second i kicked him to the curb he had a new g/friend who he accually calls his GIRLFRIEND ....he just wanted his cake and to eat it to. Best bet is to. A. drop him completely. B. stay with him but play the game right back (all while having NO FEELINGS) cuz thats no fun or C. waste your time cuz it's gonna get no where if he can have you and not have the TITLE B/f n G/F, cuz then he's open for options to date other girls behind your back.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Talk to him! Tell him you are either is gf or you aren't but if you aren't then it is not up to him if you go out with other blokes. You need to let him know that you would like a bf not a part timer! Tell him just what you want and be straight about it. Don't hang back on the words. If he doesn't like it then move on.
Take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): I think you may have missed an opportunity to when he said he did not like you dating others and that he was not dating others, to say, "Well, it appears that you are asking me for a commitment, is that right? We are in an exclusive relationship at your request, therefore, does that not make us girlfriend and boyfriend? People just want to be able to understand our relationship, so hence the label, so are you ready to announce it to the world that I am your girl?"
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Good lord, I think it's time to tell this guy that although he doesn't like labels, that you disagree with his silly logic and you would like to be respectfully, referred to as his 'girlfriend'. You've both been dating for five months, you have sex together, you spend whole weekends together, etc. I think this relationship seems to progressing nicely, so nicely in fact, that you do deserve the esteemed title of 'girlfriend'. Sheesh, some guys just don't get it. What I think you need to do with this guy is sit down and have a talk. This relationship is not 'just' about what he wants. It is about what both of you want. If you aren’t feeling fulfilled by the fact he won't acknowledge you as his 'girlfriend' publicly, then you need to tell him that if he doesn’t think you’re worth the risk of making you his girlfriend, publicly, then why the heck is he keeping you around? He may have an answer you won't want to hear, dear. But at least you’ll know the honest truth, and you can either walk away from a jerk who was using you, or he can refer to you as his gf and make this exclusive and the two of you progress your relationship towards happiness and unity. Don't settle for his 'label' logic crapola. Either you are his 'girlfriend' or not. This is clearly an issue of respect for you. If he can't call you his gf, then move on to someone who will take pride in calling you that.I think that after 5 months of sleeping with you and having his fun...that not to even refer to you as his girlfriend is pretty sad. You have some talking to do, with this man, hun. Take a stand and don't be afraid to ask for what you want. Be strong, dear and take care.
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (23 February 2007):
 He's right, it IS only a label. You both seem to hit it off, dump your insecurities and enjoy being together and having fun. The very fact he's told you he doesn't like you seeing anyone else is enough to tell you he's smitten. The more you go on to him about it, the more he'll back off so forget it and enjoy just being together. Everyone can see you are both an item, just forget the "label."
Eve
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A
male
reader, Dida  +, writes (23 February 2007):
yes i think that you should have waited. Maybe you ask him why he feels pressured by the label boyfriend. That you met another boy is in his eyes a break of fidelity. He don´t mean that you are not a couple when he don´t call you girlfriend. He surely feels the same way, but why he thinks that the label would carry to much responsibility and pressure will he know best. As him!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): this happened to me, but i didnt let it go on so long! after 5 weeks i said to him,"so am i any closer to becoming your gf?" he said hes at 50/50, so i gave him 3 weeks to decide! which he was happy with! he let me go, and said it was because he didn't want a relationship with any1 right now! 3 weeks after splitting hes dating someone new!!!!! how on earth you let it go on 5 months i dont know! it was driving me crazy after 5 weeks!you need to tell this guy u need an answer!! with my guy it felt as if we were in a relationship anyway! he said i dont want to be tied down and i said - what will change tho???he is messing with your life, mr right could be passing by right now!! make him choose.... other wise you will get closer too him, and if you split it will hurt more than it will now!!
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female
reader, hugs2muchgal +, writes (22 February 2007):
 i think you should wait. he told you titles bother him, and he seems emotionally commited to you anyway, so what's in a name? if people ask about your relationship, say you are dating. simple as that. your "boyfriend" is commited, cares about you, and wants to be exclusive. as long as you keep doing what makes him care about you the name should hopefully follow.good luck
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A
female
reader, chica +, writes (22 February 2007):
girl any guy who tells you that you cant date other men and he says he doesnt date other girls means he is. he probly goes on other dates, or he isnt ready for agirlfriend. simply break up, you guys arent going out so yeah. but the best advice i can give you is to talk about it
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A
female
reader, *a.m.y* +, writes (22 February 2007):
 Basically, until you went on a date with someone else he was keeping his options open. You done the right thing! Now you know that he won't be seeing other people so thats something you don't need to worry about. You really don't need to worry about anything. To me it sounds like you's are progressing just fine. Just because he doesn't call you his gf doesn't mean that you'r not. You's act like a normal couple thats something most people complain about because theres always something 'wrong'. I think you really care about him and you'r just looking for something to pick at. (I didn't mean for that to sound nasty) Trust me girl, you've got nothing to worry about. You've got him eating out the palm of you'r hand.
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