A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:what to do?i've just turned 16, and my mum is really obsessed with school, and when i even mention a boy off the tele she has a stress, mainly because she left school to be with my dad and apparently it ruined her life, but i can't even look at a boy without worring never mind date one, i've tried to talk to her about it and she won't listen she just says after your exams and i really hate the fact that i can't be like everyone else, and if i force her to listen she will kick me out. Help me please!!!how can i solve this? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): You don't see it now but you may come to see that your mum is doing you a big favour to keep you focused on your exams, even if she is being a bit too controlling.
You only get one chance to pass these whilst at school, I kind of wish my parents were more strict on me as I saw school as one big joke. As you grow older over the next few years you will naturally become more independent and in a couple of years, if you decide to go to university, you will be completely independent and free from your mum - plenty of fun and exciting times ahead! You should try and see that your current situation is very temporary and you will be old enough and mature enough to be independent soon enough. Before then, try and have a little trust that your mum does know better than you, even if you do think she is controlling and wrong.
Maybe you could come to some kind of agreement that you will stay away from boys and late nights or whatever until your exams are finished? That would show matureness on your part and trust from your mum's, good luck.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (23 February 2007):
 She wants YOU to have what she didn't. She feels she ruined her life and never completed her education. She's only trying to protect you and make sure you don't make the same mistakes so don't be too hard on her for wanting the best for you. Sit down with her and let her know you're not silly. You want to finish your education and have a good career, but you need some free time too. Tell her to remember the saying "all work and no play made Jack a very dull boy." Let her know everything in moderation is okay. Let her SEE you're doing your homework and your studying first!
I suggest you spend more time with your mum. Sit with her over a coffee and ask her more about her and your dad's courtship. How did they meet? Were they crazy on one another? I'm sure she'd love to sit and talk to you about it. Then you can say to her "I would never do that, I want to get my education and learn to drive first, maybe get my own place and have a career before I even think of settling down with someone." This will let her see that her little girl is in fact growing up to be a mature woman and she'll be so proud of you.
Cut her some slack, she's only got your best interests at heart here and school doesn't last for ever. I'm sure one day you'll even thank her for it.
Eve
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A
male
reader, I've been there  +, writes (23 February 2007):
The only problem is that your mum sees that dropping out of school was a mistake for her and she doesnt want you to make the same mistakes she did so she is being protective over you. My advice to you is this; tell your mum that there are more important things then studying and exams but it all depends on what you want to do. If she wont listen make her. But from what oyu sid she will hrow you out if you argue your case? Well i seriously doubt that becuase she is not letting you date because of exams i doubt she would kick you out as that would ruin your life like hers was ruined.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (22 February 2007):
 It is a waiting game really. My mother was scarily strict when I was your age...no makeup, no dating, no cool clothing etc. It felt more like a military camp than a happy home at times! Anyway she had similar circumstances to your mother by the sounds of things and felt she missed out on loads by making compromises early on. She is just being overly-protective because you are still her little girl even if you feel all grown up and want to do grown up things. Some parents have trouble letting go. You have to look on the positive side of this - she really cares about you, she just has a strange way of displaying it. While you may think you are missing out of life's great adventure, you have plenty of years left in you to have a good time. You know that old saying about the grass being greener on the other side...it is very true! You think your friends are out having a fab time with their boyfriends but honestly, it can be a miserable, fickle business at 16. I would rather skip over all the heart-ache and misery and wait for the opposite sex to grow up by a few years when they have learned to treat you a bit better.
As you say, you live under her roof (and by default her rules). I suggest you really do concentrate on your exams as they will give you the power to make your own choices in life, rather than being financially dependent on your family or having to live under conditions that are unacceptable to you. I worked really hard for my exams because I knew it gave me an opportunity to escape home-life and move away to go to University at 18. Of course, I then discovered a new world that had previously been denied to me and so will you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): Your Mom sounds very controlling. Where is your Dad in all this, dear? I feel sad for you that your Mom has given you the clear message that because 'she left school to be with Dad, it ruined her life!" That is clearly something, a teen does not need to hear. That is Mom and Dad's problem, not yours. And no, she is wrong to want to kick you out if you don't comply with her. Your Mother is clearly an unhappy lady. She seems to feel that you may make the same mistakes she did and in her unhealthy, controlling way, she is trying to protect you from life's potential heartaches. What she doesn't understand, is that she needs to stop making the assumption, you will do the same thing as she did. Part of raising our children is respecting their own individuality and slowly letting go as they grow into adults. You are on the cusp of adulthood. You should be exploring life, dating and enjoying your youth. As parents, all we can do is let go and hope all we have taught our kids will enable them to make good choices about life, as they stumble through adolescence. But parents should be there to talk, communicate and still guide their teens. Yes, you do need to talk to her...asap. If she's not responding, please talk to another trusted adult, like your father, an aunt, or a family friend. Perhaps they can help you. And please, get Dad your involved
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): I can help you. Please send me an massege.Dont't think more.Thanks.
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