A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all,I'm currently in university and have run into a "relationship" problem. One of my guy friends has told me he loves me and that he wants me to be his girlfriend. This is good and all, however, I don't really have feelings for him. This isn't to say that I never did. Five years ago, I was the one who told him that I liked him but we never acted on it. Then I moved on and had my own share of dates and heartbreaks. He's a great guy, but I think I might have lead him on by telling him I'd think about it. It's been 2 months since he told me and already he's thinking of me as his girlfriend. I don't know what I should do since he's a great guy, but I'm not really FEELING the attraction anymore. Okay, so, the analogy would be that I used to 80% like this guy... now it might be around 25%? And that's only as friends.And another problem would be that I'm terrified of marriage and most likely have a problem with commitment. Most women would probably be extremely comforted and flattered to hear the guy telling you that he wants to marry you and have a future with you, but I'm really scared.. I've had somewhat of a traumatic experience when my parents divorced while growing up.My question is, what would you do in my shoes? Would you try to make it work? Or would you tell him that your feelings have moved on? I just need some assurance and advice on this.Thanks.
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divorce, move on, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): Talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel. Don't hang around just because it is the 'nice' thing to do. Just be yourself and be open about it. The truth may hurt but it is your future and you shouldn't compromise.
Take care
xx
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (23 February 2007):
 You told him you'd think about it... You need to give him some kind of explanation and the sooner you do this the better. Tell him you HAVE thought about it and as flattered as you are, you really do like and respect him ONLY as a friend. You've moved on in your life now and you KNOW you wouldn't be suited together in a relationship as you both have different goals. If he asks you to be more specific tell him you're NOT the marrying kind. You don't need to justify yourself any further, that should be amply sufficient.
Don't fall into the trap of getting involved with him and causing yourself a whole pile of misery, it just isn't worth it. The right person will come along in time, but it's definitely NOT him!
Eve
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (22 February 2007):
 I think as you only have 25% of feelings for this guy is a good reason to move on. You had feelings for him once, now you don't.
You say he is a great guy, so do the decent thing and don't lead him on, tell him how it is and move on.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, luvme247  +, writes (22 February 2007):
 You shouldn't be with someone that you don't have feelings for. Just tell him you want to stay friends.
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