A
male
age
,
*nothertrain
writes:I'm in love with a girl who was mine up until 8 months ago. At that time, because I was already in a relationship which is now ending - and because I was only in her town occasionally - she met a guy there and decided that she needed someone who was there 100% for her, and didn't want to be the #2. I understood this of course, and gracefully let her go without a fuss. Since she's been with him we've had sex several times although in the last few months - although we've stayed in touch - she's gradually scaled back on showing me any kind of affection, as she feels it compromises her relationship. Which again, I agreed with. A few days ago I went to her town to meet with her and find out what the latest is... and now she tells me that he's going to propose to her soon and that they'll likely get married next year.... I am so in love with this girl I almost can't think of anything else, and the thought of losing her is devestating to me. She is the only girl I want - period. I can't even imagine a future without her. Is there anything I can do to bring her back...
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): well babe, shes gone to bad move on. Leave her alone SHES GETTING MARRIED!!! Its the right thing. Just think how unfair it is fir this other guy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): You have had an emotionally and physically intimate relationship with a young woman up until 8 months ago. You were already in another relationship so this female and you had no real binding force in your relationship except 'just' feelings. Over time, the feelings did change. It sounds like the feelings at one point, did cool for the both of you. She carried on, met another man while you remained in your other relationship. But you still had sex on occasion. You have no grounds and no standing in her life. You were a sex add-on feature, her good friend and love bug. Friends come and go and she made the decision you were gone. So the words "I love you" don’t mean much to her-nor to you. I think I feel more sorry for both of your other partners than I do for the two of you. Other people have and /or will feel great hurt with all this 'dancing around'. Before you approach this woman about continuing in a love relationship be prepared to do the following if it hasn't already: 1) get completely out of your current relationship 2) be prepared to give her 110% of your time and energies 3) make sure she completely ends her relationship to this other fellow. With that in mind, it's then you sit with her and decide whether to revive this relationship. You both need to stop flitting around and decide once and for all, whether to commit to life together or just to end the relationship, completely. All I am seeing is people getting hurt in the face of your indecisiveness. If you go this far with her, no graceful exits, no indecisions. Just do it and get it right this time and be prepared to make it work.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb  +, writes (23 February 2007):
 You say she was "yours until 8 months ago", and you were already in a relationship with someone else? How was she yours at that time?
It appears from here that she decided to move on, and now, since your relationship has ended, you have decided to try to gain a foothold in her life.
You have to ask yourself if you really love her or do you selfishly want to keep her in your life knowing that, once she's married, you will no longer be in the picture.
People have a tendency to want what they can't have.
You need to think long and hard about what is best for her before you try to intervene.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (23 February 2007):
 Here is the link to the birthstone pendant again, it didn't come out properly. If it doesn't come out properly again then put all of this link into your address bar - http://www.limogesjewelry.com/Custom.asp?productid=4411&srccd=OTC-mercfindgift
http://www.limogesjewelry.com/Custom.asp?productid=4411&srccd=OTC-mercfindgift
Eve
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (23 February 2007):
You were the one that broke it off with her because you were already IN a relationship so you really can't blame her for wanting someone in her life 100 per cent of the time. That said, she still seems to have feelings for you but now wants to keep her distance as it's affecting her relationship with her new man (which is the right thing to do I might add.)
My advice to you is meet up with her one last time and let her know exactly how you feel about her. Do the whole "I love you more than I ever thought possible" bit and really let her see that you've had time out to think about all of this and you know she's the one for you. If she can only give you the chance, you'll prove it to her. Give her a small gift to remind her of you, here's a nice touch, a his and her pendant, give her the one with the key to wear around her neck and you wear the one with the padlock. Tell her the key is to unlock your heart.... (here's the link to the pendants -
http://www.remist.com/his-hers-two-color-key-lock-couple-pendant.php
Or here's another pendant, an "infinite love pendant", tell her to wear it always as this is how you feel about her. (link below)
http://www.findgift.com/gift-ideas/pid-45432/
Finally, a birthstone heart pendant in 2 halves with each half showing your birthstone, you wear one half around a chain and give her the other half. (link below)
http://www.limogesjewelry.com/Custom.asp?productid=4411&srccd=OTC-mercfindgift
Tell her you respect she's with someone else at the moment and will give her the space she needs to think about her feelings for you and whether or not she wants to get back with you again but always keep the gift as a reminder of your love for you.
Hey if she doesn't come back to you after that, then I'm in the wrong job!!! lmao ;o)
Good luck, and let me know how it goes.
Eve
Ask her to contact you when she's made her decision. Then wait! Leave her to sort her head out and hope that she chooses YOU over her present boyfriend.
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A
female
reader, luvme247 +, writes (23 February 2007):
 It was wrong for her to continue giving you the hope that she wants to be with you by continuing to sleep with you while she was in a relationship. I think that you need to refuse to sleep with her any longer because she is going to get married. If she misses you enough then she will break off the proposal, but if you continue to sleep with her, then there is no reason for her to break it off with the other man. I would suggest trying to move on and break off contact with her. It will be hard, but it will hurt more if you wait. You'll find someone that will love you back and that will not have you be #2 in her life. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Anothertrain +, writes (23 February 2007):
Anothertrain is verified as being by the original poster of the question Because I love this girl so much, I promised her that I would never try to come between her and her boyfriend. They've been living together for about 8 months too, so unfortunately sending her flowers etc. is out of the question, as it would cause trouble for her at home. I feel so powerless with all this... maybe I really am...
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A
female
reader, Angel-Face +, writes (23 February 2007):
 well hun what you gotta do is send her flowers from you and take her on evenings out but if she doesnt think much of it when she gets married stop in it apparnly its really romanic.good luck hunni
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