A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I think I have some underlying issues concerning sex that need sorting. They've only really become obvious since I've been with my present partner, which is the past 2 years. I feel the need to have sex or satisfy him some other way all the time. I cannot spend a day without doing something. Some men would think that's great but he doesn't: he loves me and respects me so says no sometimes, and his sex drive isn't very high anyway. This is driving us both crazy. I know I want to do all this for the wrong reasons, I don't really get much physically from sex (I never have an orgasm with a partner, only on my own). It's like I feel like I have a 'use' when we make love. I know it's crazy, he's a wonderful guy and respects me so much and he keeps telling me this has to stop. He's right: why am I acting this way? He loves me for who I am so why do I feel so worthless when I let a day pass without 'satisfying him'?
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (23 February 2007):
 I think you find that having sex with your boyfriend is one of the ways you find you really "connect" with him. That in turn makes you feel worthy and needed. He probably expresses himself in the bedroom and you KNOW you're pleasing him. Out of the bedroom it's a totally different ball game, you may find you can't connect or talk with him in the same way or he's not showing you the attention you so crave from him. You may even feel invisible when you're together doing normal things and feel a bit taken for granted... but in the bedroom it's different, you can PLEASE him, you feel NEEDED, WORTHY, STRONG... POWERFUL even and this is why you crave sex with him so much. He's so used to you "doing" for him that he's forgetting to please YOU, hence the reason you can't have an orgasm.
Talk to him and tell him what you like HIM to do to you, you know what works for you when you do it yourself so get him to do that to you, get him to take his time and get you aroused, soon you'll find that you want him to be just as involved in the bedroom without you doing all the work all the time.
Out of the bedroom just enjoy one anothers company, be there as his best friend as well as his lover, let him see that you're just as happy sitting in his company whether it's watching TV or just chatting as you are making love to him in the bedroom. Although sex is a big part of a relationship there is more involved, it's about laughing together, having fun together, dealing with problems together, supporting one another... all these things together with a close sexual union will strengthen your relationship.
Eve
A
female
reader, cherri sparkle +, writes (23 February 2007):
insecurity i think is the answer to your question as in you dont feel comfortable enough just to chill and relax with him. im curious do you do other bonding things together? if not then maybe you should start things that you enjoy doing together also things you like to do alone or with friends.
another thing is the way you feel you have a use u are a person not a sofa we all have uses but in a relationship that is to be a partner and companion give support when needed and so on........he will aprichate that allot more than constant sex you dont want the lovemaking ro loose its value
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