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Ever since I can remember people have always fascinated me. I seemed to be very adept at solving people’s “life” problems and I never tired of the constant flow of friends asking for my help. I have always been a great listener and have a lot of patience and empathy for people and have written for advice columns in the past.
I am a Relationships Councillor and Life Coach and have a special aptitude with people. I have been active on this site for a number of years. I'm very much a positive thinker and hate being around negative people. Life is for living, it's too short to moan all the time. I'm determined, very spiritual, grounded, independent, strong willed and love life. Be careful what you water your dreams with. Water them with worry and fear and you will produce weeds that choke the life from your dream. Water them with optimism and solutions and you will cultivate success. Always be on the lookout for ways to turn a problem into an opportunity for success. Always be on the lookout for ways to nurture your dream.
If you realized just how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought. The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
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| Latest articles: REAL Love!
This question has 8 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 July 2010: I have written this blog a few times but I thought I'd write it in an "article", that way people can always view it. To love a person, first and foremost you must KNOW them personally. Lots of teenagers say they "love" a celebrity or are "in love"...
Some tips for a happy marriage!
This question has 9 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: MARRIAGE - WHAT IS EXPECTED IN A MARRIAGE? Once you marry, don’t expect everything just to fall into place. Marriage is a serious commitment but it needs to be continually worked at. Too many people today go into marriage for the wrong reasons, t...
20 questions to ask someone on a date!
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: So many of the younger ones on this site tend to be a bit tongue tied about what to ask their date so here are 20 things to ask someone on that first date. 1. What do you like to do when you're not working? 2. Where in the world would you most...
Why do you think marriages break up more now than in the past?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
16 October 2008: Do you remember years ago when families used to sit in at nights? They had no TV, no computer games, no telephones, no DVD's, no video recorders etc etc. They had one another! They had TIME to get to know one another, to BE with one another to ...
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He has so many issues I don't know if he's sincere or not... what do you reckon?
Q. I have been seeing a man for almost 3 years, he tells me he loves me but I just don't feel it. I also found dating sites he has been on. I really love him and keep thinking that he loves me too. I just feel like he is hanging on to me until he ...
A. 8 March 2007: Why would you even consider settling down with this man when he has as you said "so many issues?" In my opinion this man is holding you back. You are at the prime of your life just now and could be doing something with your life, finding yourself ... (read in full...)
I have to make changes for HIM but he won't make changes for ME!
Q. Whenever I ask him to alter a bothersome behavior, he always has an excuse why he doesn't have to, but he can have his own laundry list of complaints and doesn't seem to see that as unfair. All my complaints are little things but I worry when they ...
A. 8 March 2007: Instead of writing all these lists about things you both dislike about one another, why don't you both write a list of things that you DO like about one another! Write down as many as you can then swap lists.
When we truly love someone, we love ... (read in full...)
I found out he had been over at his ex's house, asked him and he admitted it. What do I do?
Q. I'm 19 years old and have been with my boyfriend whos 20 for almost a year...On march 5th I found out he went to his ex girlfriends house. I acted calm and asked him to come over to my house right after so we could talk. He said he just wanted ...
A. 8 March 2007: He needs to change his phone number and promise you that it IS finally over... and then you've got to trust him. Let him know how much he means to you but if you ever find out that he's been seeing her again then you'll walk!
You say he called h... (read in full...)
I'm in love with a guy but he has MOOBS!
Q. Hello I'm in love with this bloke but he has MOOBS! (That's man boobs for those of you who don't know) I don't want to sound shallow but we all know that looks play an important role in attraction. I don't care about race, colour, nationality, rel...
A. 8 March 2007: You're right, you ARE shallow! I'm sure you're not exactly perfect yourself but he is obviously more mature and looks at the inner beauty of a person rather than the outward. Remember, looks fade with age but a healthy personality never dies! I ... (read in full...)
I just wanted to post to everyone to say THANKS!
Q. Hello, I haven't got a question, I just wanted to thank everybody on the site who has helped me. I'm only 18 years old and so obviously I don't have a lot of life experiences, so it's always been such a great help for me to come on this site and...
A. 8 March 2007: I don't know if I specifically answered any of your questions but it's nice to have people post back and thank the aunts for their time and advice. As long as you've found the advice helpful then that's the main thing.
I wish you all the very bes... (read in full...)
I'm a bit hot headed and always take it out on her. How can I control this?
Q. My girlfriend and I have been going strong for about a year and a half now. We've had a few arguements, but what couple hasn't? Last night though, we had a really big fight, during which we both said things we didn't mean, and hurt each other pretty ...
A. 8 March 2007: You have a mind, your feelings come from your mind therefore you can control your feelings. In other words, YOU are in charge and nobody else so THINK before you speak, be aware that you're getting irritated, angry etc and THINK. She must have the ... (read in full...)
Ever since my best friend moved, I've totally changed. I'm very unsettled by this. Help!
Q. Hi i'm a 15 year old girl. i am going to ask something but i dont think there is any correct answer to this. i would just like to know what everyone thinks and if anyone has ever been in this type of situatuion. My best friend of like 8 years...
A. 8 March 2007: You say... "soo many friends of mine have told me that i am not the girl i used to be," They don't KNOW how you used to be as you never really got close to them so bear that in mind!
Also, as you rightly said, you're growing up now and your per... (read in full...)
Is there any advice you can give me on how to make her feel better and be there for her without having to cuddle her?
Q. hi, my wife recently lost a very close family member. Well all i've tryed to do over this past week is be there for her but now that the funeral is over she is worse than she was before. Everytime i ask her how shes feeling she keeps saying shes ...
A. 8 March 2007: In this case you should put how YOU feel aside, ill nor not and CUDDLE YOUR WIFE!!! You must be getting better now and she's crying out for some TLC. Give her the cuddle she so needs!
Eve... (read in full...)
He wants me to send him naughty pics but I don't want to, I don't feel comfortable with it, what should I do?
Q. guys..my bf wants me 2 send him naughty pics. i trust him sooo much but i'm not ready 2 do that jus yet. its not that i feel uncomfortable cos of him.. i just think its kinda gross.but he has sent me stuff and is expecting me to send him. this...
A. 8 March 2007: If you have any respect for yourself whatsoever then you will NOT do this! What happens when you break up with him and he plasters these pictures all over the net? Of course he says he won't do this, they all say that! If he wants to send you his ... (read in full...)
How can I handle his depression?
Q. Help, How to handle a depressed boyfriend? I have been with this man for two years. When things are great, they are great! He has had rough early 20's and has had to deal with a lot of family loss in his life. It seems whenever times come up th...
A. 8 March 2007: Copy and paste the WHOLE of the link I gave you, not just the part underlined, sorry I don't know what happened there but it will work if you copy and paste it okay?
Eve... (read in full...)
How can I handle his depression?
Q. Help, How to handle a depressed boyfriend? I have been with this man for two years. When things are great, they are great! He has had rough early 20's and has had to deal with a lot of family loss in his life. It seems whenever times come up th...
A. 8 March 2007: Just watch and make sure his depression isn't "on tap." In other words he's not using depression as a way of getting space from you to go out with his friends and chill. You said he seems to have a routine and does this regularly UNTIL you get mad ... (read in full...)
I prefer texting to phoning as I don't like the awkward silences, how can I make him understand this?
Q. i'm15. been dating this guy for a few months now. i love him soooo much but he calls me like everyday and like sumtimes more than once a day! he also expects me 2 phone him all the time, but i am the kinda gal who likes texting instead. its not that ...
A. 8 March 2007: Let him know that calling him is more expensive whereas texts are free. Make a compromise with him and tell him you'll call him one time in the week but you much prefer texting for now as it's more convenient. Maybe once your relationship ... (read in full...)
How can I get him back and let him see I'm much better than her?
Q. OK, I don't know where to begin. I was seeing a man for several years. Our relationship was great. He was separated from his wife, we both have two children. The kids are the best of friends. "Gary" and I were friends for 2 years prior to s...
A. 8 March 2007: The best way to get over him interested in someone else is to play it cool, and let him THINK it doesn't bother you one bit! You continue with your diet and well done for losing the weight you have so far!
The more you shout and beg and cry the ... (read in full...)
How do I get him to "cut the cord?"
Q. so i just moved back to my hometown after 4.5 years, and i ran into an old boyfriend that i dated right after highschool. when we were together, it was great...we were thick as theives...i am close with his family, and they have always wanted us to ...
A. 8 March 2007: He's got to WANT to do that himself and he's not ready yet. It might be a good idea that he deletes her or at least blocks her from his PC for now. He has to want to end all ties with her. What YOU should do in the meantime is remain friends with ... (read in full...)
His ex wife wanted nothing to do with him until she heard he was seeing someone else. Now we can't get rid of her and I don't know how to handle it?
Q. Hi. My boyfriend has been divorced for 1 year and 5 months. He married in 2002 and got seperated in 2003/ beginning of 2004. He was with his ex wife for 10 years all together. They do not have any kids. I am 20 and he is 35 and we've been together ...
A. 8 March 2007: Let your boyfriend know how much this is affecting you and suggest that he changes his phone number and BLOCKS her email address. That will stop any more coming through. She is obviously jealous that he has someone else now and is trying her ... (read in full...)
We broke up and his friend raped me. We got back together and when I told him he said he can't deal with it anymore. What do I do?
Q. me and my boyfriend broke up 3 months ago and i became good friends with his friend.. but his friend raped me one night when we were out at a club. me and my boyfriend got back together and have been together for a month but i just told him what ...
A. 8 March 2007: TELL YOUR PARENTS!!! Why didn't you report the rape to the Police? He broke the law as you're under 18, you could have had him charged! You can still do it if you want to. As for your boyfriend, I think this is just all too much for him at the ... (read in full...)
I'm confused by this man but I'm deeply in love with him and don't want to put pressure on him.
Q. i have been seeing a gorgeous man for a while now and i am deeply in love with him but i get confused by him one - minute he tells me he's in love with me and tells me I'm beautiful but then i get the feeling he doesn't want me around. I don't want ...
A. 8 March 2007: The best way to get him to want you more is to draw away from him and busy yourself more. Don't be so available to him. Is he actually married? If he's not married then it will be easier for him to break away from this other relationship, not so ... (read in full...)
How can I control my jealousy? His daughter, I feel is bang out of order here.
Q. Im a 27 yr old women whos been going out with a 39 yr old man for almost two years now. We are deeply in love and pretty much happy. I am a very jealous person, and I need some advice on the reasonability of my jealousy. He has a 16 yr old daughter ...
A. 8 March 2007: Now you're talking like a mature woman. Once she realised you weren't a threat then she came round. She needs to see that this baby isn't a threat either, just an addition to the family. Do try to give him some quality time, she'll appreciate it ... (read in full...)
How can I control my jealousy? His daughter, I feel is bang out of order here.
Q. Im a 27 yr old women whos been going out with a 39 yr old man for almost two years now. We are deeply in love and pretty much happy. I am a very jealous person, and I need some advice on the reasonability of my jealousy. He has a 16 yr old daughter ...
A. 8 March 2007: There are a lot of feelings going on here both from you and from the daughter. Women see things differently from men. Let's deal with the daughter first.
She is 16 and doesn't see her dad as often as she'd like. She seems like an immature... (read in full...)
How can I feel better about myself? I feel as if I'm not good enough for my fiancee.
Q. i feel like im not good enough for my fiancee. he treats me like a princess and worships the ground i walk on. everything he does he puts me first im the main thing in his life. my past relationships were very abusive so i became used to abuse so a ...
A. 8 March 2007: I'm sure you would much rather he was like this to you than be abusive to you. Tell yourself he is LUCKY to have you. Remember we ALL have gifts within us, every single one of us. Sometimes it's just trying to find out what that is. It may be ... (read in full...)
My partner cheated on me and now I feel worthless, please help!
Q. help i am a gay man in a relationship i suffer from self esteem issues and recovering bulimic. my partner who i adore has just cheated on me i caught him with a friend of mine after a night out. he thought i was asleep but i wasnt and caught them ...
A. 8 March 2007: Okay, first of all you are NOT worthless! He doesn't deserve to be with you and you should dump him! He doesn't have an ounce of respect for you if he can have sex with another guy while you're still in the house. You deserve far better and you ... (read in full...)
He wants to be tied up in the bedroom!!!! How do I go about this?
Q. My boyfriend is wanting to try new things in the bedroom. I am all up for trying new things and he really wants to be tied up, and for me to take charge. I'm a bit nervous as he has had it done before me and says it was rubbish so im worried that i ...
A. 8 March 2007: It's the CONTROL that turns him on here. He wants YOU to take charge and dominate him and tying him up is all part of that. So do it, tie him up, wear an alluring outfit. Improvise, wear a basque or some sexy black lingerie and wear some black ... (read in full...)
How can I get him to spend more time with me and the kids?
Q. I have been married to my husband for nearly 12 years and we have been together since I was 14. We have 3 young children. He plays darts on a grand scale and it seems to be the one thing we always fall out about. He puts it before me and the kids ...
A. 8 March 2007: You need to talk with him! Let him know that you don't mind him having a hobbie but you feel it's starting to have an impact on the rest of the family. Explain to him that the kids are never getting to see him as much as they could, YOU are never ... (read in full...)
We have decided to move in together and get married, now he's dropped a bombshell... he's £50,000 in debt!!!
Q. I have a wonderful boyfriend of 5 years. We are very much in love and have decided to move in together and get married. We both have good well paid jobs however he has dropped a bomb shell! He is £50,000 in debt and has hidden it from me till now. ...
A. 8 March 2007: He has probably been wanting to get this off his chest for months and now that he has this is a weight lifted off his shoulders in itself. If you truly love him and still want to be with him then you can work this out. Go and get some professional ... (read in full...)
When guys kiss you on the cheek like friends, do they put their lips on your cheek? Or is it supposed to be a kiss in the air and you just touch cheek to cheek?
Q. When guys kiss you on the cheek like friends, do they put their lips on your cheek? Or is it supposed to be a kiss in the air and you just touch cheek to cheek? This guy i like put his lips on my cheek to kiss "HELLO" like all of us friends do. I've ...
A. 8 March 2007: Most kiss on the cheek, it just depends on the culture. Some people do only kiss in the air but this is usually if they don't know you very well or are very shallow. Good friends would usually kiss on the cheek.
Eve... (read in full...)
What should I do here... stick with the boyfriend and ditch the lover?
Q. Trapped between 2 men Hello there I ve been with my bf for 5 years, last 3 of them we are living together. Last couple years i ve started feeling very unhappy, although its not really my partner's fault. I still love him very much, but its a differ...
A. 8 March 2007: Firstly, you're nothing more than an ego boost to this older man. I bet this previous lover was when he was still married too? This man has no intentions of leaving his wife so get real here! You will never be number one with him but will always ... (read in full...)
I like him and I know he likes me too but he keeps going on that his friend likes me but I want HIM! What do I do here?
Q. Their is this guy at school, I like him and I know that he likes me, he gives the impression that he likes me too. I ask him to meet up with me on weekends, and he does, he flirts but i dont know whether this is just friendly or something more. He ...
A. 8 March 2007: I think he's using his mate as an excuse here and is just trying to tease you. Be assertive here and let him know you have no interest in his friend whatsoever and continue to enjoy his friendship. You never know, the more you talk, the more he'll ... (read in full...)
He has a 13 year old daughter and I feel so jealous, I want him all to myself and don't want her near me!
Q. Children as a big turn-off! My lover has got a 13 years old daughter from a previous marriage. I find it xtremely difficult to get used to the idea she is number 1 in his life. I feel very jealous and dont want anything to do with her. I am asking h...
A. 8 March 2007: She is always going to be there and he loves her very very much. If you try to pressure him at all into showing you more attention then you'll lose! Try and be friends with her, it's not her fault she was born! And... she is living with seperated ... (read in full...)
I really like this guy who I was introduced to a couple of weeks ago, what should I do about it?
Q. I really like this guy but we were just formally introduced a couple weeks ago. And we all know how the guy's mind works. He forgot who I was. But I've liked him for the longest. What should I do?...
A. 8 March 2007: It's okay to get a friend to talk on your behalf but it does show a lack of maturity from your side (unless he's immature too of course.) The best way to go about this is to have a friend that you know, and who hangs around with him to introduce ... (read in full...)
I feel so neglected by my partner, he seems to have time for everyone else but me!
Q. which is the best way to get your man to give you more attention? im feeling really neglected by my needs lately and everytime i tell him how i feel, he seems to run futher from me. He plays rugby, cricket and squash, he has kids, and it just seems ...
A. 7 March 2007: The best way to get more attention from him is to be more involved in his activities. I'm not saying rugby and cricket but have you ever tried squash? Give it a go! Spend time together WITH his kids and get to know them better. Don't seem so ... (read in full...)
What are the features that girls look for in a boy/man that makes him sexy?
Q. hello agony aunts this question goes to all the girls/women who are agony aunt, men feel free to answer if u wnt what are the features that girls look for in a boy/man that makes him sexy or peng?? i need help as some girls on msn say im g...
A. 7 March 2007: Looks are only superficial and as the other aunts said different girls have different qualities/looks that they go for. Common sense and a bit of cerebral always goes down a treat with me. Now if you REALLY want to appeal to a woman then go ... (read in full...)
I feel he's so jealous all the time and doesn't trust me.
Q. Am 15 years old and the guy that am talking to is 17 years old.We've been talking since December.He is a great guy who is always there for me always telling me that everything is going to be okay.But lately I found out that he is the jealous type.I ...
A. 7 March 2007: You need to stand up for yourself here. The next time he questions your loyalty say to him "what's all the questions for, don't you trust me?" Go on to tell him calmly that trust is one of the main cornerstones in a relationship, you would hate if ... (read in full...)
I really like this guy who I was introduced to a couple of weeks ago, what should I do about it?
Q. I really like this guy but we were just formally introduced a couple weeks ago. And we all know how the guy's mind works. He forgot who I was. But I've liked him for the longest. What should I do?...
A. 7 March 2007: He obviously can't remember who you are so you need to make a bigger impact on him. Ask your friend to arrange a foursome so you can go out with him with friends around or if you prefer just get chatting to him and ask him a bit more about himself. ... (read in full...)
How can you tell if someone is lying to you? What are the signs?
Q. I want to know how you can tell if someone is lying to you! I have been dating a guy for about 5 years and its been a shakey relationship I had gave up about a year ago when I split with him He just didnt care I then started dating a guy I met at ...
A. 7 March 2007: Why do you think he's lying to you? Lying about what? How many kids do you have? Does this man live with you? Are any of the kids his? Please get back to me so that I can finish answering your question.
Eve... (read in full...)
Been hurt before and I'm cautious but tell me..how can I stop myself from falling in love?
Q. How can I stop myself from falling in love? Ive only been in love once before and it all ended in tears, mine mainly as he split with me for someone else. It took ages to get over and I always vowed to myself that I would never let a guy hurt me ...
A. 6 March 2007: Okay, here it is from a psychological point of view. The truth of the matter is, our brain controls our emotions, without a brain we would not be able to experience what we do. Love does not "fall" and neither do you or anyone else. What we call ... (read in full...)
Im painfully shy and have real low self esteem. I feel different to everyone else-how do I get past this?
Q. Im wondering if other people feel the way I do. Im 23 years old and my life on the outside would seem perfect. Im a model with my own home, lots of friends and a great family. But inside I feel like Im destroyed. Im painfully shy and have real lo...
A. 6 March 2007: You lack confidence and self esteem and you know this, the more you think about it the worse you become, you then start to imagine people are watching you and you're no good at anything, you feel an outsider all because you're telling your brain you ... (read in full...)
I'm confused by this man but I'm deeply in love with him and don't want to put pressure on him.
Q. i have been seeing a gorgeous man for a while now and i am deeply in love with him but i get confused by him one - minute he tells me he's in love with me and tells me I'm beautiful but then i get the feeling he doesn't want me around. I don't want ...
A. 6 March 2007: You seem a bit insecure in yourself. You need to be more assertive and believe in yourself more. I don't mean for you to have a go at him when you ask him, be nice about it and just talk to him about it. Don't be a doormat to him though, have more ... (read in full...)
I am not interested in a relationship just now but there's one girl I just can't get out of my head. I've tried everything! How do I get past this?
Q. This problem may be differant to what you normally help with... I am 18 years old and have never been in a relationship. Now that isn't the problem, because I DON'T want to be in one (not just now, but ever... I wont talk about why, because it's ...
A. 6 March 2007: Okay, thanks for posting more information but I see you have emailed me about this too so I'll answer on there okay?
Eve... (read in full...)
He told me he loved me and was in the middle of a messy divorce. Few weeks later his WIFE calls me and asked what's going on... what do I do? I'm sick to my stomach.
Q. I met a man at an out of state conference I was speaking at. We hit it off right away and traded biz cards. I heard from him a day or two later and we found ourselves talking endlessly on the phone, emails and im's. He started calling me pet names: ...
A. 6 March 2007: You would never be able to trust him. He's your soul mate? He's more like your typical con artist! If I had a dollar for every time someone wrote to me saying they were with a married man and he had told them he was in the middle of a messy ... (read in full...)
We have nowhere to be intimate together... what can we do? Any ideas?
Q. Hello! I have a boyfriend who I love soo much and I recently lost my virginity to him. I'm 19 and his 21. We don't have sex that much maybe once a week. The reason is bc we have no place to go! I live with my parents n my mom is always home bc she ...
A. 6 March 2007: Then you go to his place once in a while. He lives in the middle of nowhere which sounds pretty much private enough to me! In the meantime continue getting to know one another, your likes and dislikes, what makes him tick etc, have fun together ... (read in full...)
Is it normal that I mis "her" more than my girlfriend?
Q. is it normal that i miss 'her' more than my gf, i talk to 'her' more than my gf, i want to have sex with 'her' more than my gf? i think i'm falling in love with her. help!!...
A. 6 March 2007: From the information you have given I take "her" to mean either an ex or someone else you have grown very fond of. Having these feelings for "her" is NOT being fair to your girlfriend so you either get "her" out of your head and continue with your ... (read in full...)
I'm confused by this man but I'm deeply in love with him and don't want to put pressure on him.
Q. i have been seeing a gorgeous man for a while now and i am deeply in love with him but i get confused by him one - minute he tells me he's in love with me and tells me I'm beautiful but then i get the feeling he doesn't want me around. I don't want ...
A. 6 March 2007: Then you need to talk with him and ask him why he keeps blowing hot and cold with you all the time. He either wants this relationship or he doesn't. YOU have the right to want to know where you stand too so be assertive and ask him. It could be ... (read in full...)
I am not interested in a relationship just now but there's one girl I just can't get out of my head. I've tried everything! How do I get past this?
Q. This problem may be differant to what you normally help with... I am 18 years old and have never been in a relationship. Now that isn't the problem, because I DON'T want to be in one (not just now, but ever... I wont talk about why, because it's ...
A. 5 March 2007: What exactly ARE the feelings you have for her? What did she say when you told her how you felt? What is it about this girl that draws you... what is the pull? Why is it you don't ever want to be in a relationship? How did this come about?
... (read in full...)
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