A
female
age
36-40,
*idnightRuby7
writes:I am 22 years old and work as a substance abuse/mental health case manager. I have been drawn to the helping profession not because I have a history of abuse/mental illness/addiction/abandonment, but rather because I am passionate about helping people heal. After working at this job for a while, a new guy joined our company about three weeks ago. The second I saw him, I thought he was gorgeous and funny and he suddenly began taking interest in me. He is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for a year and a half, and he is actively seeking a lot of helo for this issue (he goes to AA, has a close relationship with his sponsor, sees a therapist). His passion is helping other people get through recovery and he is really good at it. Although we are not dating, we are having a great time getting to know eachother. We have simmilar life passions, he has been wanting to convert to Judaism for a while (I am Jewish), He is gorgeous, compassionate, funny, and very honest and direct about he wants and feels. He writes me long e-mails just because he feels the need to communicate to me what is going on in his life. I am interested in him, but am a little intimidated by the fact that he is 33, in the process of getting his second divorce and he has an 8 year old daughter and of course, is a recovering alcoholic.I on the other hand, just got out of college and am used to dating guys in their early 20's who don't know how to communicate their feelings very well. It is so refreshing to be communicating with a guy honestly who knows what he wants and articulates it well (the guys in their early 20's don't seem to know how to do this very well). This is perhaps due to his age and his life experiences.This may be an entirely different dating experience than I have had. He said that he feels younger than 33 because he was an alocohol for so long that it may have stunted his emotional development. Does this happen? But now, he has his head back on his shoulders and he is a wonderful guy. I am just not sure if this is a bad idea or not. I don't want to be someone crutch, even though it doesn't seem that way. But he does talk a lot about his recovery and he should, as has been a big turning point in his life. I just want to make sure if I get into this relationship, that I would for the right reasons. I want to support him, but make sure that it would be based one equal exchange and equal support. Can a relationship with a young person with hardly any baggage and a man ten years older with a lot of baggage be healthy and equal?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): Absolutely 100% agree with Eve, very well put.
A
female
reader, Stephanie19 +, writes (24 February 2007):
 i am 19 and i married a 29 year old man and we are really in love he has 2 ex wifes and a daughter and we have a son together any thing can work if the love is their
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (24 February 2007):
 I don's see any reason why this can't work. You both have lots in common and have the same interests. He talks to you about his alcohol problem because you are in that field and know only too well what he's been through besides, you want to support him so there's no problem there. He's also very honest and direct which is a good thing. I don't think he's using you for a crutch at all, you both just "click."
He stimulates you mentally, you have the same interests, he's funny, witty and honest. I'd say those were good ingredients to at least give it a try with him. Just take things slowly, get to know him better, find out more about his religious beliefs and continue to talk! I don't think the alcohol will have stunted his personal development, that's a new one to me but I do think he would have missed a lot going on in his life when he was drinking all the time. He probably didn't do the "normal" things guys of his age were doing because he was on the booze and this (at the time) was the most important thing in his life so he would have missed out there.
As to your question can this relationship be healthy and equal... I say yes! You have a good head on your shoulders and he is mature and honest with you. The cornerstones in any good relationship are trust, honesty, loyalty and communication of which you KNOW you have 3 so I say go for it. I wish you both all the best.
Eve
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