A
female
age
41-50,
*ikki222
writes:Help, How to handle a depressed boyfriend?I have been with this man for two years. When things are great, they are great! He has had rough early 20's and has had to deal with a lot of family loss in his life. It seems whenever times come up that remind him of the members of his family that he has lost he slips into his depression. He is currently on anit-depressents but he will still push me away, very distant emotionally and physically. He does the same with his mother. He, at times, can be mean. It seems to be obvious he pushes the people closest to him away. But i know its not him, it is the funk that he is in. When he snaps out of it, sometimes he does not remember things he has said to me, and will say "i dont know why i do that but i never want to do that to you again or push you away i love you so much" But what i dont understand is how he can not want to see me or barely talk to me for almost a week, but still be able to hang out with his friends? I always thought depression was wanting to be alone? I know each person is different and he has told me that when he is like this he cannot be "loving or affectionate" bc he doesnt feeel that way when he is like this. So i guess it would make sense that he can hang out with friends becuase he doesnt have to be like that with them???He keeps telling me not to take it personal and he is sorry and "i wish you could understand" I am trying to understand but its hard. He usually has a routine, he will push me away for about a week. We will have basically no communication except for a few text messages that i will say to him that im thinking of him. And then when i feel like i had, had enough and im mad and just want to move on, he will call me and be "him" and is appologizing and want things back. I know he needs to seek professional help, but he doesnt think so. I was just wondering if there is anyone else out there who suffers from depression the way he does and pushes their significant other away, but can still be "normal" with thier friends? Or if anyone out there is in my situation and how they handle it? thanks :(
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depressed, I love you, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 Copy and paste the WHOLE of the link I gave you, not just the part underlined, sorry I don't know what happened there but it will work if you copy and paste it okay?
Eve
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (8 March 2007):
Just watch and make sure his depression isn't "on tap." In other words he's not using depression as a way of getting space from you to go out with his friends and chill. You said he seems to have a routine and does this regularly UNTIL you get mad and want to move on... then he seems to come back to his normal self again. It sounds a bit strange to me!
Here is a link that might help you. It's entitled "How to cope with a depressed spouse." See if you find any of this similar to what you're experiencing.
http://www.rd.com/content/openContent.do?contentId=31899
Eve
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A
female
reader, endless_tamara  +, writes (8 March 2007):
as a person who suffers from SEVERE depression as a result of excessive drug use in my youth, i can understand what your BF is going throuugh... you just need to remember, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT! he needs to seek psychiatric help... and soon, before this "funk" spirals out into all aspects of his life... he could lose his job friends, and life itself if he doesnt be a man and get to the doctor soon
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