A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I stop myself from falling in love? Ive only been in love once before and it all ended in tears, mine mainly as he split with me for someone else. It took ages to get over and I always vowed to myself that I would never let a guy hurt me again.But I have strong feelings for a boy that I once slept with a few months back. It was just a one night thing but every time we saw each other afterwards we couldnt leave each other alone.There is real chemistry. We never talked about a relationship but he has my number and has texted me a few times in the past to see how I am.I know hes not interested in going out with me. But I really like him. I can feel the same feelings I had when I first met my ex and its really scaring me. Im also scared to see him out because I cant control my feelings, or my mouth, when Im drunk and I will probably throw myself at him. And the next day I will be mortified but I know that is what I will do.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): Im sorry but Eve's answer is obsurd. How can anyone stop themselves from feeling love just by believing that they can control their own mind? They would have to be super human! Have you never heard of the saying 'you cant help who you fall for?' And its true.
Yes, love may orignate from scientific chemicals in our bodies but I see it as a beautiful feeling when reciprocated. And the term 'falling in love' means that your feelings are getting deeper and deeper as time goes on for that person.
Anyway, if you dont want to love him then stay away from him. Erase his number, avoid places he might be at, stop thinking of him. Put him in another perspective, not the one you have now.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 March 2007):
 Okay, here it is from a psychological point of view. The truth of the matter is, our brain controls our emotions, without a brain we would not be able to experience what we do. Love does not "fall" and neither do you or anyone else. What we call 'falling in love' is an emotional reaction to what we have experienced or are experiencing, but of course it has nothing to do with 'falling'.
Our mind controls our emotions, liking another person very much and therefore in 'falling' one does not have a nervous breakdown and there have never been occasions where broken nerves are found and so it is with 'falling in love', there is really no such thing. It is your LIKING another person that is often confused with 'falling in love' but it has little to do with 'falling'.
Your brain chemistry releases endorphins which are responsible for the rush you experience with 'falling in love' yet those can be CONTROLLED and need not become overwhelming. It is often our CHOICE to become overwhelmed which is why it is called 'falling' yet we cause it ourselves and when we lose control we tend to give a name to it like "it came from outer space" but nothing could be further from the truth.
These are our emotions which you have given a free reign, once under control and when using one's mind many of the dreams or beliefs come crumbling down and thus there is no 'falling in love', it is a choice one makes and ultimately everything we do is a choice made by our mind.
Again, I control my mind, my feelings come from my mind, therefore I can control my feelings. That is a famous syllogism in psychology so 'falling in love' actually has nothing to do with it.
Eve
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (6 March 2007):
 Unfortunately we can't control our feelings of falling in love, it just happens, the more you fight it the stronger it gets.
You have had a bad experience where you were in love and it ended in tears with him leaving. You have got to put this down to experience and not let it affect future relationships. Not every guy is the same, believe it or not there are some nicew guys out there waiting for you.
Good luck xx
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