| A
female
age
41-50,
*ianaLee
writes: Trapped between 2 menHello thereI ve been with my bf for 5 years, last 3 of them we are living together. Last couple years i ve started feeling very unhappy, although its not really my partner's fault. I still love him very much, but its a different sort of love - like love to the parents or to the child.About a month ago I ve started to have an affir with my manager from work, who is 16 years me senior, divorced and has got a 13 y.o. daughter. I went into the relationship with him because of my unhappiness. My bf doesnt want to settle down - he doesnt want kids, doesnt want to get a place of our own (right now we live with his parents). And my lover keeps telling me he wants exactly that - to start a new life, have a family again. When i ve started sleeping with him I thought he likes me as a person, but now ve started thinking he is after me because Im young and have no baggage. He mentioned something - he told me about his previous lover, some girl with a young child. That child was a real put-off for him and also his lover wanted a commitment, and he said he couldnt do it. So why is saying he wants a family again if he cant commit? It really worries me, as this is what Im looking for!Also, my boyfriend seems to change his mind and wishing to get engaged very soon! What shall i do - 1) Stick to the bf and ditch lover? 2) Ditch bf as he probably bullshits me as usual and keep relationship with the lover, even if he seems to be a bit unclear about the things he wants? 3) Ditch them both as they are hopeless and taking me for a mug?
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male
reader, agony_uncle_r  +, writes (8 March 2007):
your bf is honest about everything then you go cheat on him? he should ditch you.split up with both and stay clear of relationships until u can be faithful, loyal and commited to one!
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 Your boyfriend should ditch you. He's honest and tells you what he's thinking. You mope around and then go sleep with someone else before ending your current relationship. It's odd how people try to rationalize POOR choices by pointing out the poor choices of others in their lives.
You and Prince Charming from work are the underhanded ones here. But, you seem to twist things to justify your rotten choice. Shame on you for not being honest enough to face the issues and either repair them of move on.
What do you think your next man will think of your history? Choices? Integrity?
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A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 Ditch them both. Neither are doing you any favours. Your boss is using you and probably has no intention of settling down with you. He will tell you anything to satisfy his needs. Your boyfriends has told you he doesnt want kids etc. so get out of there. You need to move on and get what you want out of life. If you want a family etc. then dump these two wasters and get on with it and stop wasting precious years of your life.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (8 March 2007):
 Firstly, you're nothing more than an ego boost to this older man. I bet this previous lover was when he was still married too? This man has no intentions of leaving his wife so get real here! You will never be number one with him but will always be "the other woman" or "his bit on the side". If you're happy with that then great!
Secondly, you are bored with your present boyfriend and don't seem to have much respect for him or you would never have cheated on him. Do the right thing and don't keep this poor guy hanging on, thinking you are both going to have a life together, if you do eventually settle down with him then you'll BOTH be miserable and it will never last.
Dumb both of them! Have some respect for yourself with regards to this older man and have some respect for your boyfriend by cutting him loose.
Eve
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