A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Im wondering if other people feel the way I do.Im 23 years old and my life on the outside would seem perfect. Im a model with my own home, lots of friends and a great family. But inside I feel like Im destroyed. Im painfully shy and have real low self esteem. I feel different to everyone else and I feel so inferior to everyone, even my own friends. I cant talk in social situations. I feel like I dont have anything to say. I find it hard to make friends because all I think about is what they think of me, mainly believing that they think I am weird or stupid. I feel like I dont have a personality, or if I do then it is a very weak, boring one. It is becoming an obsession now, sometimes its all I think about.I also get stressed out so easily. Some days, Im so stressed I cant bear anyone talking to me and I cant talk to anyone. Its like I dont have the mental strength to do it. Im so sensitive as well, anything can easily upset me especially rejection and critiscism. Up until now I have accepted the way I am. But now I think there may be something wrong with me mentally? Surely a normal person couldnt be feeling like this. If anyone knows why, or they feel it themsleves, please reply with your advice. Thanks
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self esteem, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Kody  +, writes (7 March 2007):
Its not what people think of you its what you think of you go out be brave you only live once
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (6 March 2007):
 Hi there Anonymous,
Wow - your problem sounds exactly like what I went through my whole life up until a couple of years ago. If I was walking down the street, I was convinced that someone was looking at me and thinking "that girl walks weird" or if I was at the grocery store waiting in line I felt like the person behind me would be looking at what I was buying and thinking that I like gross food or why was I buying that much stuff... Or if someone saw me get into my car, what if they thought my car looked stupid? Or what if someone thought the plant on my desk in my office looked ugly in the pot I had picked out!? It was awful. And it was all stupid crap that I knew nobody really cared about at all.
I thought EVERYONE was analyzing EVERYTHING about me. I dealt with it by becoming extremely introverted. I thought by not letting anyone have a chance to get to know me, it'd spare me anymore feelings of embarassment by anyone knowing my tastes in anything.
So how did I get over it? I went to a life coach. My doctor and I talked numerous times about what was going on in my life and eventually he used hypnosis to treat me. After going through a number of sessions I began to find that I no longer felt like people were looking at me through a magnifying glass. I mean, it was such a weight lifted off of me, I can't tell you how happy I was and still am. I'm sure that if I didn't see him, I'd still be hiding myself from everyone and living day to day hoping that people wouldn't look at me or even worse, what if they wanted to talk to me?!
It sounds like you might want to look into a life coach in your area. And if you want to pm me to talk about this, then that would be absolutely fine. I'm a little reluctant to discuss everything about my problem on here since it is a very personal one. I just wanted to make sure you saw my name (stina) and saw enough detail to figure out if what I described does remind you of yourself, as well.
^_^
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (6 March 2007):
 You lack confidence and self esteem and you know this, the more you think about it the worse you become, you then start to imagine people are watching you and you're no good at anything, you feel an outsider all because you're telling your brain you do. You need to shift your brain up a gear. Instead of getting all hyped up about the fact you're a failure, rewind your brain the opposite way. You WERE a failure and you HAD low self esteem but now you're better! Close your eyes and feel yourself getting better and better... growing in confidence... more assertive... the more you tune your brain to believe it the more confident and assertive you'll become. Remember - "YOU ARE WHAT YOU THINK..."
Here are a few links for you to look at to help you build up your confidence and self esteem, try that exercise I gave you to do, go though it and tell yourself what a wonderful person you are, it really does work if you just focus and concentrate.
http://www.wikihow.com/Build-Self-Confidence
http://pickbrains.com/how-do-i-build-up-my-confidence
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
Do the self esteem test and check just how high/low it actually is then see the ways to make it grow.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2007): You say that you have accepted the way that you are- this is obviously not true since your self esteem is still pretty low. I went the first 20 years of my life with horrible self esteem- and it actually turned people off from me( which would then renew my theory that I was worthless and unlovable etc) So it is a hideous cycle. I reccomend that you take a day and go for a jog, go shopping, and force yourself to smile at strangers. While doing this dont think AT ALL about anything- or how they percieve you.. instead think- wow that persons nice I will smile at them- even if they arent nice, even if they are someone you woudl be scared about- everyone is vulnerable.. and those you are afraid of most are more vulnerable actually, and they hide it. Force yourself to smile and make eye contact- face your fears! And find something you enjoy doing all by yourself that will make you feel like you have worth- art, going on a run, finishing a project, playing music, speaking a new language.. anything that you can execute your talent with. To help with relating to people I recommend this book called "intimate connections" by david burns.. It helped me get out of low self esteem and destructive mental patterns- it also may help you a little bit with stress. Talk to your doctor about stress- and if reading some cognitive therapy books dont help your situation- I might reccomend a councelor- they are a bundle of help and very worth it!( if you find a good one) Good luck! You are beautiful!
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