A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my husband for nearly 12 years and we have been together since I was 14. We have 3 young children. He plays darts on a grand scale and it seems to be the one thing we always fall out about. He puts it before me and the kids all the time. On average he goes out once to twice a week to play - costing about £50. At worst, like this week he has been away all weekend, gone out tonight and is away again tomorrow (Thursday) until Sunday, then back out again Monday and Wednesday next week. I don't get a choice in this as he says he can't let his team and friends down. We can barely afford to live on our wages as it is without him spending all this money at the pub. Also, the kids are now getting upset at hardly seeing their dad anymore. I've tried getting angry, moody, etc, but nothing works. What should I do?
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female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 You must get strong girl. He is spending money that you dont have to spend. He is being very selfish and is neglecting you and the kids. If you let him away with it he will keep doing it. Its up to you to put him straight. Would he be happy to let you do the same thing and would he be willing to stay at home and watch the kids while you go to the pub. I am married 17 years and have been in your position before. But then I said enough is enough. He has to realise that you and the kids come before his friends and hobbies. If you cant afford to do it then it cant be done end of story. You must tell him that things must change maybe you could agree that he can go out one night a week but weekends away are a difinite no no until the children are older or the financial situation has changed.
A
female
reader, nicola79 +, writes (8 March 2007):
 When he says that he cant let the team down, what about you and his kids then? you have to be strong sweety and say how this is affecting your family, tel him you are not putting up with it anymore and instead of spending the money down the pub what about taking the family out for the day.
Tell him you dont want to make do with just seeing him a fiew times a week and your kids are getting upset that they dont see there dad much. You have to be strong and say he either cuts it right down or something is going to after be done about it. Stand by what you say though because he needs to see that you are not messing around. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (8 March 2007):
 You need to talk with him! Let him know that you don't mind him having a hobbie but you feel it's starting to have an impact on the rest of the family. Explain to him that the kids are never getting to see him as much as they could, YOU are never getting to spend quality time with him and that you are finding it difficult financially as it is without him spending £50 every week on himself.
Ask him.... "what's more important to you, your friends or your family?" Reiterate to him that the problem isn't with him having a hobbie and friends, it's the fact that he's not balancing things better and you are all starting to suffer for it. ASK (not tell) him if he can make a compromise so everyone can be happy.
Eve
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