A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is wanting to try new things in the bedroom. I am all up for trying new things and he really wants to be tied up, and for me to take charge. I'm a bit nervous as he has had it done before me and says it was rubbish so im worried that i might be just as bad as she was. Any suggestions of what to do, or even where to begin? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): One more thing. What's going on in his head anyway? He was such a big confident guy and now he wants to be helpless, weak, dare I say unattractive...
Well some guys just have a deep yearning to face a sabertooth tiger with nothing to protect them but a spear and a loin cloth. It's raw and primal. It makes their heart race. It makes them feel like a man. Pussyfooting around with carefully chosen words and detailed analysis of data, etc. over time drives us crazy. Bondage is one way we can experience that rush we used to get when we realized that the hungry saber tooth tiger is thinking, "Mmmm, this hors d'œuvre comes with a toothpick..."
A
male
reader, knowsomethingaboutthis  +, writes (17 June 2010):
I've seen many women struggle with this and I've actually started writing a book on the subject. But the basics are quite easy.
1) Act competent - even if you don’t feel competent.
2) Do some knots research on-line. Try “Knotty Boys” for example.
3) Generally you want to go for a spread eagle on your first try since it’s easy to tie and hard to escape from. Get under the bed and find secure points to attach your ropes. Stretch him tight!
4) While you’re tying him up try to gauge how excited he his. If he’s rolling his eyes then he doesn’t feel trapped and that means that you have to tie him up better. Don’t be afraid to make several attempts until you get it right. Just make sure that you don’t stop trying until you do get it right. When you’re done you’ll see it in his eyes that you did a really good job and he really feels trapped. On the other hand, if he looks uncomfortable he probably is. Back up and redo what ever you did so it’s both secure and comfortable.
5) Feel free to leave the room to find the ropes or belts you need to tie him up well.
6) Once you’re done, you can take a break, have a shower, whatever. A little statement like, “I’m going to wash my anus now (blow him a sexy kiss)”… will drive him crazy. You can also say, “I’m going to see if I can find that big wooden spoon in the kitchen.”
7) You do not need to rush into trying to jerk him or suck him off. Let him enjoy his predicament and just be friendly, light, loveable, desirable – and just out of reach of course.
8) If he says anything disrespectful or complains about your performance in some way just pout sexily and then hit him with that spoon hard. Don’t react with words.
9) He may or may not get hard during all this. Bondage is funny that way. Don’t use his hardness as a gauge so much as the expressions on his face.
10) Buy handcuffs or zip ties if you want instant respect. But learning to use soft rope with competence is much better.
11) Once you have him tied up sit on his face and make him make you happy!
12) Remember that in general whatever he tries to do to you is what he wants you to do to him. It's a guy way of communicating.
13) Make him negotiate for release. Nothing big, just make him admit he was wrong about something or get him to make a small promise. It proves you're in power.
14) You're skill in this is important to him. Take it seriously on the inside while being light and playful on the outside.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, irving  +, writes (29 December 2009):
The advice given here is all excellent, but AriesGirl is the best. Make sure the ropes are secure, and make him suffer...slowly. If you want, you can keep him bound for as long as you wish.Bring him to almost climaxing numerous times, and then leave the room. Talk on the phone...smoke a cigarette or two...watch television...etc. Make him yearn for you.
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A
female
reader, lovesmypet +, writes (23 July 2009):
i call mine "pet" hes very sweet. you do indeed need a safe word. ours is "peach" if i were you id pick a word that means something to one or both of you. "mistress" is usually the word of choice for the "owner/master" in those types of relationships. it is crutial that you draw a line between what we call "girlfriend time" (when you take the role of the loving girlfriend) and "mistress time" (obviously when you take the role of his mistress). being a mistress isnt about beating your pet at all times. its more like how you would treat a pet or child...punishment and reward.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2008): Well, you allow him to have what he wants...don't think it through, for he hasn't. After kneeling in the closet for 4 straight hours, with his hands cuffed behind his back and his ankles shackled together, He will wander why he made such a request. The dildo that you've strapped in his mouth and the blindfold on his eyes and the swimming wax in his ears, these things will add to his "pleasure."
See how it goes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): If your wondering... No I've never tried this myself. But when certain men make me angry, I use my imagination to decide how I'd get them to admit they're wrong and apologise to me real nice... :D
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2008): Lol... Airesgirl is perfectly right.. tie him and then leave him alone and go and do something else... that's how it's done....
When you come back, give him some oral sex, and if he gets excited punish him. Punish him for anything, punish him for talking, punish him for trying to touch you, punish him if he moves...... Get some ice, and put it on his dick, tie a blindfold around his head, so he can't see what you might do next. Then go and paint your nails in another room...
YOU MUST HAVE A SAFE WORD. YOU NEED A WORD WHEN TO KNOW IF HE IS UNHAPPY... it dosen't matter what.. "cabbage, video, pencil"... you need a word just in case something goes wrong...
He must call you mistress, queen, godess, and his name is slave, little boy, or both of you can make one up for each other. This is to add to the fantasy, and make sure that you mark a line between this type of sex, and your normal type of loving when your being boyfriend and girlfriend...
Good luck, be safe and have fun... You don't be nervous. If your nervous, punish him with oral sex and stop before he comes. Get a feather and use it lightly, smack his bottom, or smack his arms and legs. If you feel nervous then punish him, because, well just because you can... lol
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A
female
reader, AriesGirl +, writes (29 August 2008):
However you tie him up, tie him SECURELY. Then give him HALF of a b*** j**. Then go out in the kitchen...have dessert..maybe a cigarette. Relax and ignore him.
Leave him alone for a few minutes. Then come back and make sure he's VERY respectful before you finish what you started.
If he's rude, punish him.
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A
female
reader, chachacha +, writes (8 March 2007):
What an insensitive man - fancy teling someone that you want them to tie you up, then saying last time it was done it was rubbish!
Why doesn't he say in what way it was rubbish, rather than let your mind run away with you and bring forward all kinds of worries?
Why doesn't he say what would make it not rubbish, and give you a few hints - are you supposed to guess the details?
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (8 March 2007):
 It's the CONTROL that turns him on here. He wants YOU to take charge and dominate him and tying him up is all part of that. So do it, tie him up, wear an alluring outfit. Improvise, wear a basque or some sexy black lingerie and wear some black boots too! LOOK the part! Tie him up, spank him and tell him YOU are in charge now... the rest is up to your imagination but he'll love it!
Eve
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (8 March 2007):
 First of all use something soft to tie him up. You don't want him to have embarassing marks the next day. Maybe you could try ties or something? Always agree on a safety word so that if he's not comfortabele you have a way of knowing to let him go, since begging to be let go insincerely might be part of the thrill for him here. Also think about ways you can drive him crazy with desire when he's tied up like not quite touching him where he wants to be touched, a slow and sexy striptease etc...
CD
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