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female
age
41-50,
*ianaLee
writes: Children as a big turn-off!My lover has got a 13 years old daughter from a previous marriage. I find it xtremely difficult to get used to the idea she is number 1 in his life. I feel very jealous and dont want anything to do with her. I am asking him how is she, but its more out of politness, not because Im interested! I am nearly 28 and never had relationships with men who are married/ divorced or had children. This is my first 1 and I dont feel good about it at all! I know i shouldnt be so selfish, but cant do anything about it! I dont want to share him with anyone. I feel like I should just pull-out, its self-destroying. Shall i stick to my good old rules and find somebody who s got no x-wife and kids? Will it be for the best?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2007): I have a fiance' of six year's. He had no contact with his girl's for 3 year's. I was in heaven. Now his Dork of a Father stepped up to bat and came to our house Stating he need's to call them every week. BULLSHIT!!!!
He don't have to call them. I was feeling pretty good, like a goddess after he wasn't talking to them.
He call's his little girl BOOGIE! What a freak'n name to give to a little girl.
But, on the other hand, I just deal with his 450 pound x wife. Listen to her shit, don't deal with her shit and go on. Because in the long run:
I KNOW THAT I HAVE HIM AND THEY DON'T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY ARE JEALOUS BECAUSE HE LEFT HER FOR ME. NOT MY FAULT. I DIDN'T HOLD A GUN TO HIS HEAD. AND FOR HER INFO: WE HAVE ACCOMPLISHED FAR MORE TOGETHER THEN HIM AND HER. WHY BECAUSE SHE SPENT SELFISOUSLY HIS MONEY LIKE CRAZY!!!!!
SO NOW, I HAVE HIM. PUT UP WITH THE ONCE A WEEK PHONE CALL'S TO BOOGIE AND GET ON WITH MY LIFE. NEEDLESS TO SAY I SEE HIM HURT ALOT. AND ALWAYS THINK HE WILL GO BACK TO THE STATE WHERE HE USE TO LIVE JUST FOR THESE THREE LITTLE GIRLS HE PRODUCED WITH A BITCH THAT'S FAT, UGLY AND UNDESIRABLE TO HIM. CAN'T BELIEVE ANYONE WOULD SLEEP WITH THAT KIND OF TRAILER PARK FILTH.
A
female
reader, Whisper  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 There is no way this man will put his child second for you- and quite rightly too! You need to understand how important she is to him, and no matter what, always will be. The love he has for his child is a totally different kind of love in comparison to the love he has for you, its unconditional and you need to accept that.....or leave. You also need to consider what his daughter has been through whilst her parents were seperating, she has to deal with you also!If its making you so unhappy, i would call it a day.
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A
female
reader, DianaLee +, writes (8 March 2007):
DianaLee is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello EveryoneThanks for all your replies!The problem is - I have never even seen the girl! She lives with her mother and older sister (who is from the previous relationship of my lover's x-wife) somewhere miles away from London. My lover has never offered me to meet her as he fightened of her reaction. She still wants her parents to get back together, and i dont blame her! My parents got divorced too when I was only 12. And then my mum met that bloke who i hated with all my heart and actually made them to split few years later! Funny enough, that was the reason why my lover have split up from his wife - her 1st daughter made his life hell!! So i do understand there will be a lot of troubles if she would find out about me (we keep it as a secret for now). And too be honest, i would rather pull out now than to fight for him with his own daughter! I know perfectly - my chances are 0! I know it, as I ve been there myself! So keep our relationship as a secret for much longer is difficlult, but to let secret out and face it even more problematic!!
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 You are selfish and a little imature. You're competing with a child for a man she doesn't even want in the same way you do.
She's first in some ways you're first in others. When he goes out for a romantic dinner, it's with you. When he's watching his girls school play, he's prooud of her. You should be happy you've got a caring man as a mate.
You will drive him away though in your quest to separate him from his child.
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A
female
reader, aunty t  +, writes (8 March 2007):
 Yes you are not doing yourself any favours by staying in this relationship. Children are for life so there is no chance of this man choosing you over his daughter. You are not happy and if you cant accept that you have to share him with his daughter then get out and find a man with no ties. You will be much happier.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): I have the same problem except shes 16 yrs old and flaunts her boobs infront of her father, sits on his laps etc Look above. Would love to help yuou but im in a worst boat!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): You are certainly starting off on the wrong foot by saying that you don't want anything to do with your partner's daugher!! She's part of his life and always will be no matter what happens!! She will ALWAYS come first in his life!! My partner has an 8 year old son from a previous relationship and yes like you I've often gotten jealous over him and about the time he spends with him but I realised that it was childish! My partner only has limited access to his son so on those occassions that he's with him I leave them alone to spend quality time together! It was either that or lose my partner and I didn't want that!! At Christmas I got his son just a small gift - nothing big or major as if I was trying to buy his affection and attention and to be honest - even my partner was surprised cos I've only met his son 2-3 times in the 11 months we're together! Small gestures like that mean a lot as I've discovered! Like you this is also the first relationship that I've been in that has involved a child so its all new to me! I agree with AskEva about becoming friends with her - you never kno - you both actually like each other and get on...All I can say is best of luck with everything x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): All staying with him will do is created serious issues for all three of you. It would be very selfish to engage in an endless fight for his attention with with his daughter, but it would be unselfish to bow out now and say it is more than you can handle
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): In short, yes, you should find someone else who doesn't have any children or other emotional obligations in his life. The relationship you're in right now, no matter how great the guy may be, is not the type of relationship you want.
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (8 March 2007):
 She is always going to be there and he loves her very very much. If you try to pressure him at all into showing you more attention then you'll lose! Try and be friends with her, it's not her fault she was born! And... she is living with seperated or divorced parents and an only child. She's only 13 so her hormones will be all over the place just now as she comes into womanhood. My advice is to try and be a friend to her and let her look to you as a big sister. If you can't do that and you feel it is coming between you and your partner then you need to finish with him and look for someone with no baggage.
No man who is a loving father would sacrifice his daughter for anyone! You are right... you ARE selfish!
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): You know, i had the same problem you are but the opposite!
My dad was dating this lady when I was 15 years old and I HATED her, as she hated me. I too was jealous because before her, it was ONLY me. She would get mad too because she wanted my dad all to herself and would send me off places, so that she could stay with him. This went on for the first two years. Then I was washing dishes one day and looked out the window. I saw my dad. He was happy! I love my dad and if being with his gf made him happy, well, even tough I didn’t quite like her – she made my dad happy.
I decided to be the grown up and told her I needed to talk to her. We went out to eat and we talked and talked and talked. I confessed I didn’t really like her, but somehow we ended up being friends.
You need to understand that 13yr old girl in your bf’s life. She’s probably feeling just like you, and you know what? She makes her dad happy and you want your bf to be happy right? Befriend her, and who knows maybe you two end up being the best of friends (your not too different of age). Hope it all works out for the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2007): It will if you're so threatened by a little girl but I think you'd be missing out by limiting yourself to men with no past. However if a child is going to make you feel so inferior then you have to avoid this situations. After all these guys don't need another kid to deal with
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