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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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What can I do to show him I've moved on?
Q. Do men like to see their ex girlfriends in pain after dumping them. I found out he cheated when I was pregnant he dumped me and stayed with the girl then broke up with her and tried to win me back. When unsuccesful he went back to her and she took ...
A. 10 December 2007: I did answer your other comment, and yes I mentioned focusing on kids, but more from a legal standpoint not a personal standpoint. I wasn't going to answer this one but after reading the last paragraph, I felt the need to add.
(1) Explain (factual... (read in full...)
I just want to end the arguments and the whole bitterness between me and my ex but don't know how.
Q. Ive decided that this will be the last question that I write on here as this rollercoaster is getting tiring. Just wanteed to know how to end the argumement with my ex who betrayed me. I thought I had forgiven my ex for cheating on me and leavin...
A. 10 December 2007: Come to realize you won't be able to communicate without any emotion. Whenever someone has had a relationship that includes emotions, part of that always goes with you.
I understand you're hurt. I know you feel as if you can't forgive. Forg... (read in full...)
My husband sits at the dinner table playing on his laptop!
Q. I am married to a man who is a computer engineer. He works from home. Today, I told him that it really bothers me when we eat at the dinner table and he has his lap top on. Which means we don't talk and there is no eye contact. I even told him that ...
A. 10 December 2007: Talk about being inconsiderate. Don't bring your laptop to the table. All you're doing by taking that direction is giving into his poor behavior by imitating the same. Dinner time is suppose to be family time. A time to communicate and enjoy the ... (read in full...)
Can this relationship be saved??
Q. My ex and I have been together for 6 years and we have a child together. We seperated on several occasions but always get back together. The dynamics have changed since the last 2 breakups because we slept with other people and we realized...
A. 10 December 2007: I'm glad to see you figured out there is a big difference between sex and intimacy. You also need to realize the breaking up yoyo affect doesn't work. What do you really accomplish when you break up and get back together. All that's doing is ... (read in full...)
My ex seems to expect me to simply be her friend after all the hurt she's caused me... But her Father died today. Now I have the chance to be a friend, but I'm worried that I may hurt myself. What can I do?
Q. Hi everyone, I posted a question earlier today, but there has been a serious and tragic twist since this morning. My girlfriend broke up with me almost 6 months ago after she decided our long distance (240 miles) relationship was too much to bear...
A. 9 December 2007: You understand what history gives us. Every experience helps us to grow. Of course we like the good experiences rather than the hurtful ones, but even the hard ones help us to grow further in a positive direction. I've been hurt before. I think most ... (read in full...)
I don't want to be known for grass.
Q. My ex finished with me for someone else a month ago and has hurt me so much. I cant describe how it feels but my whole life has turned upside down. I love him so much and cant stop myself. The thing is, in the last few months of our relationship he ...
A. 9 December 2007: It's not the fact of weather selling drugs is OK or not. People who commit crimes should be turned in for the crimes they commit. Being with someone and knowing they are committing a crime is also a crime. There was a movie a few years ago I ... (read in full...)
Am I staying with him because I'm afraid to move on.
Q. hi everyone, please can you give me some much needed advice im 32 years old married with 3 young children. i met my husband 14 years ago weve been married for 10 years. i fell for my husband because he was a good looking guy and played hard to get ...
A. 8 December 2007: Do you really think people fall out of love? Emotions really don't work that way. It they do work that way, when people say they fall out of love means they really didn't love in the first place. The change isn't going to happen overnight. It took a ... (read in full...)
I found sexually explicit messages on my young brother's phone. Do I tell my parents, or talk to him firstly?
Q. I recently found some sexually explicit messages on my younger brothers phone not only from him by a number of girls some even younger than him. I am really worried about his emotional and physical state as he has been really agressive lately. Is ...
A. 8 December 2007: I would talk to him about it. You may also want to let your parents know it's time for the talk of appropriate and inappropriate behavior with the opposite sex. ... (read in full...)
To boys: are you afraid of being turned down by a very pretty girl, therefore prefer someone "in your league" ?
Q. Guys please help me. Is it true that some guys are scared of being knocked down by a very pretty girl and that you go for someone who is slightly more in your 'league' ?? I have friends who are told they are pretty the whole time and are not s...
A. 8 December 2007: This is one I answered before I hope it helps you.
You say he's too good. What makes you think that way. What if he felt that way about you? Did you know you're looking at him in a different way than he looks at himself? I remember when I watched ... (read in full...)
I can't just drop my ex...how can I go and see him without my bf getting in a mood??
Q. I am still good friends with my previous boyfriend who I was with for a year. He has some personal issues such as depression, and as one of the few people that he really trusts, I like him to know that I'm there for him. However, my new boyfrien...
A. 8 December 2007: Put yourself in his shoes. What if he had the ex girlfriend, they spent a year together and he leaves you at home to comfort her. I'm real good friends with my ex wife. It made my daughters mom uncomfortable all though our communication was on the ... (read in full...)
I can't just drop my ex...how can I go and see him without my bf getting in a mood??
Q. I am still good friends with my previous boyfriend who I was with for a year. He has some personal issues such as depression, and as one of the few people that he really trusts, I like him to know that I'm there for him. However, my new boyfrien...
A. 8 December 2007: Put yourself in his shoes. What if he had the ex girlfriend, they spent a year together and he leaves you at home to comfort her. I'm real good friends with my ex wife. It made my daughters mom uncomfortable all though our communication was on the ... (read in full...)
I can't just drop my ex...how can I go and see him without my bf getting in a mood??
Q. I am still good friends with my previous boyfriend who I was with for a year. He has some personal issues such as depression, and as one of the few people that he really trusts, I like him to know that I'm there for him. However, my new boyfrien...
A. 8 December 2007: Put yourself in his shoes. What if he had the ex girlfriend, they spent a year together and he leaves you at home to comfort her. I'm real good friends with my ex wife. It made my daughters mom uncomfortable all though our communication was on the ... (read in full...)
I don't feel like I have done anything wrong...so why should I apologise??
Q. I was seeing this guy on and off for 3 years. It ended badly with me never wanting to see him again. He kept trying to start things up again and I gave in about 3 months ago. Things were great, we have been dating and having a great time. I finall...
A. 8 December 2007: You need to apologize. You're trying too hard to be right. Your point of view is how you perceive and the same with his. We all like different things, our points of view are the same as if it's a like or dislike. You don't try to push your point of ... (read in full...)
How much can she love me if she is still cheating and keeping these friendships which hurt me inside??
Q. My wife maintains mostly men as friends. They are mostly coworkers. She also had sexual affairs with some of them. Her frienships with these guys make me very uncomfotable, and she knows it. I have asked her a few times to cool down those male fri...
A. 8 December 2007: her actions are extremely selfish. it seems as if there is no compromise on her end. She does what she's going to do and expects you to just accept it. That's not right. Being married means you have to compromise and act in a manner that doesn't ... (read in full...)
I gave my phone number to an on line acquaintance, he initially said he was 18, then admitted to be much older and asked for a date in matter of days. Should I keep this "friendship" ?
Q. Okay, so we were chatting in a chatroom and I am right now fifteen. I ended up giving out my phone number to this guy who said who was eighteen. We did have good conversations for a while and then today he admitted that he's actually 25...
A. 8 December 2007: It depends on if he makes any contact once you tell him not too. If he does notify the authorities and have your parents change the phone number.... (read in full...)
My nipples face in the opposite direction? Is this normal?
Q. My nipples face in opposite directions and im really worried that my boyfriend will think im wierd if he sees them. Is it normal, please help me!...
A. 8 December 2007: It's normal and you're too young for your boyfriend to see them.... (read in full...)
I don't want to be known for grass.
Q. My ex finished with me for someone else a month ago and has hurt me so much. I cant describe how it feels but my whole life has turned upside down. I love him so much and cant stop myself. The thing is, in the last few months of our relationship he ...
A. 8 December 2007: First you say you love him so much. So out of love your willing to ruin his life. Now that doesn't sound like love. Revenge is not a good act. It's not a good habit to get into. Hurting others can only come around and bite you in the rear. Selling ... (read in full...)
Talking to them doesn't help.
Q. I think my flatmates hate me. I've made such an effort, but they are always so rude. The main problm is with two guys (I am a girl at uni). They are always so rude and selfish. They are always so rude to me, like always teasing me and shouting at ...
A. 8 December 2007: If it comes to choosing laundry or talking to them. I'd choose the silent treatment. You're not a slave, and don't deserve to be treated that way. Don't be friends with them. They seem like the user type. If you have money, sure we'll hang out. If ... (read in full...)
I'm getting married and worried about my figure
Q. i m 23 years old.my hight is 5'.3" n my weight is 45 kg.i m slim smart girl.i m going to get married but i m woorried about my figure...........acctually i hav small brest,my bra size is 32,i hav to use paded bra 34.i m worried will my husband like ...
A. 8 December 2007: I wouldn't worry about your figure. Your getting married to the whole person and so is he. If I really love someone, their figure would not be an issue because they're so much more than just the physical looks. I'd be marrying for who they are ... (read in full...)
My husband is a deployed military, I need his economical support, he didn't help me. Too proud to ask specifically. Are American men like this?
Q. Hello Dear Friends, Let me tell you a little bit of my situation. In the month of June I got married to a military (USAF) I am Mexican and he is American, in the month of August he was deployed to Korea, I came back to Mexico were I was living bef...
A. 8 December 2007: My advise to you is to contact the USAF. American military requires support to the spouse. They'd take a portion and send it directly to you. ... (read in full...)
I gave my phone number to an on line acquaintance, he initially said he was 18, then admitted to be much older and asked for a date in matter of days. Should I keep this "friendship" ?
Q. Okay, so we were chatting in a chatroom and I am right now fifteen. I ended up giving out my phone number to this guy who said who was eighteen. We did have good conversations for a while and then today he admitted that he's actually 25...
A. 8 December 2007: I think you shouldn't keep the friendship at all. First he's too old for you. Only talking for a few days, falling in love does show some psychotic or dependency type behaviors you'll want to stay away from. Even if you were old enough to date, he ... (read in full...)
Talking to them doesn't help.
Q. I think my flatmates hate me. I've made such an effort, but they are always so rude. The main problm is with two guys (I am a girl at uni). They are always so rude and selfish. They are always so rude to me, like always teasing me and shouting at ...
A. 8 December 2007: They don't have the right to do all these things. You're roomies, not married. Even being married they don't have the right to do this.
This behavior is inappropriate. I believe your country has laws to protect you and your possessions. You've trie... (read in full...)
When I eat I sometimes get sick.
Q. I am 16 i have been getting really stressed at home with my parents,they are blamin me for things i havent done and i have been kicked out twice now.my mum is refusing to feed me because i am not in work at the moment i am in an collague course.and ...
A. 8 December 2007: I really feel for your story. It sounds like your a good person. Even though you may be a good person, doesn't mean you can force a parent to be a good person too. When they blame you, stand up for yourself and let them know "No, sorry didn't do ... (read in full...)
After the C-section from months ago, my sex drive decreased. Any suggestions?
Q. im 21 married and have two children. after having a c section with my last child that is now 10 months old i feel i have no sex drive i have tryed underwear,toys ect and they have had no effect any suggestions?...
A. 8 December 2007: try getting over the fear of the c section. I think your issue may be a mentally developed fear, rather than a physical entity.... (read in full...)
To men: what makes you find a woman you've met, "sexy" ?
Q. Bottom line serious question to the men: In real life, what makes you find a woman you've met "sexy"? ...
A. 8 December 2007: just being herself. Being honest, and being a strong being. That's sexier than any standard body type.... (read in full...)
When we are intimate, I have to insist. My wife is never in the mood. She also refuses counselling.
Q. Wife and I been married 5 yrs, 2 kids. 2 and half years into our marriage I deployed to Iraq for a year. Things were good till then, even when I was deployed we got a little freaky via webcam. I know she didn’t do anything like cheating, but our sex ...
A. 8 December 2007: Why does she choose not to see a therapist? She would have to change her view of what sex is in the marriage, and that a therapist is not at all, mostly, a sex therapist. Changing her view would be from two people having sex, to two married people ... (read in full...)
I slept with my friends husband...and now I am pregant with his child!!
Q. I slept with my friend’s husband and I got pregnant and she thinks it is another man baby. I have and want to tell her because, I have to go for child support and the paper is going to get served. Should I just let her find out through him? And it ...
A. 7 December 2007: You should definitely tell your friend. She may be angry and hurt but she'll have more respect than hearing it for the first time from paper.... (read in full...)
My partners been lying to me, help
Q. i have recently found out that my partner has been lying to me for the last 18 months how do i confront him,without direct accusing,need all the help i can get thanks...
A. 7 December 2007: If you could give more information it would be helpful. Different situations require a different approach.... (read in full...)
She's been cheating our whole marriage and I can't seem to leave her.
Q. Hi, I found out 4 years ago my wife of then 20 years had been cheating on me our whole marriage. I eventually got her to tell me everything she had done. I wished I hadn't. I couldn't bring myself to leave her because of the children. I did ...
A. 7 December 2007: Sound like she has some serious issues. If you are really wanting to stay with her, the help has to be something she is willing to seek herself. If she's not willing to, I'd say it's time to leave. Depending on your laws there, I'd establish grounds ... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and have issues with the way I look.
Q. IM 13 years old. And i have issues with the way i look! I play softball for three different teams, YET im tipping scales at 215... and im only 5 7 so its like not porportioned and my boobs are huge and its annoying and i dress nicely so i can hide ...
A. 7 December 2007: As far as guys being attracted, it depends on the guy. Not all guys are attracted to the skinny women. Many guys go for girls who are bigger. If your not interested in changing yourself then don't. Be happy with who you are, even seeing yourself up ... (read in full...)
He says he's made a big mistake but I don't know what to beleive.
Q. This particular story is very hard for me to talk about, and this is one of the first times i am writing everything i feel. Me and my boyfriend have been together 6 months and although im only 15 i really really love him. However on saturday nigh...
A. 7 December 2007: Cheating in its self is an act. It hurts like hell, but it's still just a choice which he made. Alcohol lowers will power, but if someone who may cheat it's still a choice to put yourself in a position which something like that can happen. People ... (read in full...)
Should I run from this guy, he seems a little too good to be true?
Q. Ok ! I PRETTY MUCH know what im doing when it comes to men . I was married to the BIGGEST and WORST kinda PLAYER in the book ! I got involved with him at the age of 15 and married him at 18 and divorced him at 33 im now 36 . Ive learned ALOT and ...
A. 7 December 2007: You say he's too good. What makes you think that way. What if he felt that way about you? Did you know you're looking at him in a different way than he looks at himself? I remember when I watched a segment on GMT and they talked to Kenny Chesney. He ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend, but I have lust for another guy! I don't want to cheat, so what should I do?
Q. I've got a really great boyfriend who I love and have been with for almost 2 years now, but I've always had a secret lust for this other guy for about 4 or 5 years. He's always been really out of my league but recently I'm finding that more guys are ...
A. 6 December 2007: Your right, people do cheat. Those who do generally have a low self esteem, low self respect, and lack of respect for the person they are with. It's wrong to have a one night stand while you're with someone. I think if you follow your feelings of ... (read in full...)
Broke up with fiancee and started dating a guy from work. Now this new guy thinks we are getting too serious,too fast! What can I do?
Q. hi,I'll keep it as short as i can..I recently broke up with my fiance of 3 yrs. I had decided what I was living wasn't how I wanted to live for the rest of my life..soon after I began to have feelings of this, I began speaking on e-mail to a guy at ...
A. 6 December 2007: This really doesn't sound like something that can be worked out. Does he have children? If not, his realization may be around getting involved with a "ready made" family. He may not be ready for a greater commitment, and that's something you won't ... (read in full...)
Is it fair for me to deny my son his father because I'm scared that my life would be turned upside down for this?
Q. Hi i am in a very bad situation, caused by myself and i dont know whether to carry on witht he status quo or do something which short term will be worse for everyone involved, but long term be better (probably) I have a 3 month old son and h...
A. 6 December 2007: You keep mentioning "your world" You had a child so now your world doesn't exist if it doesn't benefit your child. It's not your place to decide if there is a relationship between the father and your child or not, it's a relationship they both have ... (read in full...)
My jealousy might end my relationship.
Q. My current boyfriend Michael and I have been dating for 3 months. Our relationship is amazing. I've known him since i was real little because we used to go to church together. But we never talked at all then. And then just one day i saw him and ...
A. 27 November 2007: You answered your own question. First look at your question and tell me you don't sound despirate. You mentioned the word "Need" You don't need him if you didn't have him the sun would still rise and set.
You need to come to realize you're in this... (read in full...)
What can I do to alleviate this guilt?
Q. I have a girlfriend and I love her her very very very much. I have another friend who is kind of attractive, and she has had a crush on me for a while....I kissed her twice, but never really felt, or wanted it. I just couldn't stop it the first two ...
A. 27 November 2007: It will climb all over you until you tell your girlfriend. The problem with gilt is it works as real 100% pain. This type of pain, unlike physical, grows if not taken care of. The way to do so is to tell your girlfriend and work things out from ... (read in full...)
Hopelessly promiscuous!
Q. I have a huge problem in relationships. I don't know what to do. When I get in a relationship I automatically start thinking about other girls and who I would cheat on her with. I cant even fantasize about any of my g/f's it makes me sick I have ...
A. 27 November 2007: I see possibly a fear to really comit to one person. Is there a fear or a sense because of past experience where you feel as if a real relationship will end up causing you pain? Fantasizing about others and figuring out a plan of who you'd cheat ... (read in full...)
Do you think she wants to take a break?
Q. Hello, I have been going out with my girlfriend for about 4 or 5 years now. She is the sweetest girl and is family oriented and a genuinely good person. We went on trips across the country, hung out every day over summers -- basically did ev...
A. 27 November 2007: Let me ask you something. She says it's the fighting she needs to get away from. Unfortunatley when you're the one she's fighting with it includes you. So, is the solution, taking a break. That's like a boxer sitting down for a few minutes in ... (read in full...)
I've met a great guy, but I find myself drawn to my old boyfriend who is gay,what should I do?
Q. I have a boyfiend who loves me. There is also an idiot boy that I fancied for ages. I had an almost obessive crush on him. He was handsome and ever so flirty and nice and nominated me "his favorite girl". We had a 'thing' about two yea...
A. 27 November 2007: Your to tell your boyfriend what you were doing. That's a must and it's out of respect to do that. It's normal for women to feel attractions to gay men. If women are shopping for outfits and a women isn't around ot assist, a gay male is usually a ... (read in full...)
I gave up the custody of my grandson as my daughter would have troubled us, the man I was dating has "shut off," how do I stop the the constant heartaches, misery and let downs?
Q. I find it hard to ask for help myself though I often help other people, I guess its because Im concerned about being condemmned or made fun of so I hope someone can help. I have had quite a traumatic childhood and adult life so far but things h...
A. 27 November 2007: when I spoke about being positive, I'm talking about how we view things that happen to us. I am a very positive person, I've had obsticals to overcome, and some have been very difficult, but I tend to look past the obstical its self, set up a plan ... (read in full...)
I gave up the custody of my grandson as my daughter would have troubled us, the man I was dating has "shut off," how do I stop the the constant heartaches, misery and let downs?
Q. I find it hard to ask for help myself though I often help other people, I guess its because Im concerned about being condemmned or made fun of so I hope someone can help. I have had quite a traumatic childhood and adult life so far but things h...
A. 9 November 2007: I know you must be saying, easier said than done. I would too if I was just reading some weird guy saying be positive take action. That's what I tole myself 7 years ago, when I had a suicide level depression and I was drinking a bottle or rum every ... (read in full...)
I gave up the custody of my grandson as my daughter would have troubled us, the man I was dating has "shut off," how do I stop the the constant heartaches, misery and let downs?
Q. I find it hard to ask for help myself though I often help other people, I guess its because Im concerned about being condemmned or made fun of so I hope someone can help. I have had quite a traumatic childhood and adult life so far but things h...
A. 8 November 2007: You've had a difficult life. Now it's never time to give up on life. It's also never time to do self harm. Now, what we learn from our parents can determine our actions as an adult. When growing up like you had, now that you're an adult, it's up to ... (read in full...)
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