A
female
age
30-35,
*nonyous
writes:I think my flatmates hate me. I've made such an effort, but they are always so rude. The main problm is with two guys (I am a girl at uni). They are always so rude and selfish. They are always so rude to me, like always teasing me and shouting at me. Worst of all,, they expect me to do everything - like everyones laundry, cleaning the entire apartment, going shopping...And if i refuse, they get annoyed. Also, they come and trash my room everyday for fun...they'll throw food all over it and flood it so that i have to go down to laundry everyday...which i cannot afford and they refuse to pay for it so i have to as i don't have anywhere to sleep otherwise. Also, one of my flatmates will just come in and start hitting my things with something so that half of my possessions are now broken. ALSO, they flush my things down the toilet and my flatmate will come and just take food out of my cupboard and eat it. At first, having food fights was fun, but now it is getting out of hand and I don't know what to do. i am fed up of cleaning my room everyday. I've tried to tell them but they don't understand. I cannot take it anymore. they never pay me back for anything. Everytime I try and say anyhting, they start swearing at me loudly and tell me to go away and everyone else laughs...it's so embarassing. i don't want to move so i don't know what to do coz talking to them doesn't help.Please help.
View related questions:
flatmate, teasing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonyous +, writes (9 December 2007):
anonyous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi. thanx for the advice everyone, but i am so stressed out all the time. I don't know what to do coz i haven't actually done anything wrong to make them dislike me so much. I mean i do everything thy ask, i spend most of my time around them so its not like i'm never around to be involved. Also, i am the nicest person n the world-i'm not ruse, messy or noisy. So what have i done wrong??
i realise that not everyone can be friends, but i don't understand why they dislike me so much. I t really upsets me coz i have made such ann effort in these past three months to get along with them, but it doesn't help.
i know that i am not a bad person, so why do these guys hate me?? Like, this morning, the three of them decided to go and eat breakfast out, but they didn't even ask me even though i was around, and left without even saying anyhting, leaving me all alone in the flat. Why???
smetimes, i just coome nto my room and cry cozz thats the only way of makingme feel slightly better.
its worse coz my other female flatmate has not made an effort t all to get aling ith these guys yet they love her and never go anywhere without her.
please help m...i can't move so i need a way of dealing with this. help...
A
male
reader, Groovy_Tubes +, writes (8 December 2007):
 Even if you don't want to go down the routes above (you should, the above advice is correct!) you can always MOVE THE (f)DUCK OUT!!!!!!!!
University towns always have plenty of rented accomerdation available. Even if you end up loosing a months rent, being out of this situation will be priceless.
I once got mental emotional abuse in a houseshare and it took me a long time to get over it. Don't let this happen to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lost_Soul85 +, writes (8 December 2007):
It sounds like the people you live with are total morons. My home situation is far from perfect, I live in a houseshare like you and I would say that I am disliked by most of the people I live with. The way they treat me does not broach the territory you describe i.e. physical and mental abuse but like you described, the people that dislike me hang out in a little group and they tend to make me feel awkward when in the communal areas. They do not say hello to me, arrange group outings together that I am not involved in and publisise these events when I am in earshot.OK, so first things first: these people obviously do not like you, so make no attempts to bond with them. Do not bargin with them by doing there laundry, don't float around them in the vague hope they'll talk to you.You are at uni right? When I was at uni 95% of the people I socialised with were not people I lived with. Join a club or society, go to a university organised event (EVERYONE is looking to make friends at uni), talk to people on your course, introduce yourself to your neighbours or go to a meditation / yoga class or a healing circle - try to stay out of the house as much as possible (which is what I tend to do) and when you are out LOCK YOUR DOOR!!!! I cannot stress that enough. University should be the best time of your life. It is so easy to meet new people during your uni years because you are surrounded by people your own age, surrounded by diversity, you are guarenteed to meet someone with a similar outlook to you. So get on it girl and go get socialising! When you are in the house, try to use the communal areas as little as possible, it is clear that your housemates are idiots so do not engage with them. Cook your meals and take them back to your room. Don't tell them you are doing laundry etc. Treat yourself to some DVD's so when you are in your room you won't be bored. Chat to friends from home on the internet to reminde yourself that you are not alone. Do not rise to their bait and show them that you have a life of your own. I pressume you are renting from a landlord / lady or letting agency. Tell them about the this. Make a list of all the incidents that occur, date, time and nature of the problem. A few months back my housemates threw a party, which woke me up at 1am, I asked them to keep it down as I had to be up for work at 7:30am - they ignored this. The noise continued and at 2:30am I'd had enough, left the house to stay at my girlfriends. The next day I told my landlord who threatened them all with eviction. There have been no disruptions of any kind at my house since. Talk to your student union, they are there to help and WILL take you seriously. They will recommend further actions you can take to minimise this problem. Your uni will have an anti bullying policy which is there to protect you. Your housemates could be kicked off their course if your uni is willing to follow its policy through. If it continues, it sounds to me like they are invading your privacy - talk to the frigging police. Even if there are no grounds to charge your housemates with anything, at least it would put the willies up them! No one likes being ticked off by the police or having a criminal record of any description. Most employers nowadays do CRB checks on potential jobseekers, I doubt any of your housemates would appreciate having harrassment etc associated with there name. Next time they break into your room or damage any of your personal property, tell them you will ring the police if it happens again. If it does happen again RING THE POLICE! Finally, take photos of any damage they have caused to any of your personal items. Then you will have evidence that can be used against them. Be proactive and don't take s**t from any of them!
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (8 December 2007):
 If it comes to choosing laundry or talking to them. I'd choose the silent treatment. You're not a slave, and don't deserve to be treated that way. Don't be friends with them. They seem like the user type. If you have money, sure we'll hang out. If you do my laundry, sure we'll pretend to be friends. Find friendships that aren't superficial. True friends are you friend because they enjoy you and being around you. Doing things for them or buying them things would not change how they feel. If you say no, they respect your reason and that too doesn't change your friendship. Focus on something that can be real, instead of trying to develop something that isn't.
I want you to look up "setting personal boundaries" on your search engine. You choose how to be treated, and setting your boundaries sets what you're willing to accept being treated and what you're not. Take care of yourself and stop trying so hard to get them to be friends.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2007): mate this is NOT good enoughhow dare anyone treat u like this??I'd go mad my flat mate ate some of my food once and i went mad!this is the place that you live in there's no way you should be treated like this, its disgustingif you cant get this sorted, move out. you don't deserve this,good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonyous +, writes (8 December 2007):
anonyous is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey. thannkx for the advice, but i am really worried and feel really stressed out all the time from all of this. i don't know what to do. i mean, i do absolutely everything can, but even then nothing helps. The worst thing is that the two guys have formed this kind of 'group' with my third female flatmate and they always hang around together even tough she does absolutely nothing. its so depressing watching them three hang out together like best friends and me by myself in my room. They never invite me out anywhere, even though i try so hard to fit in...like go and sit where they are so that i could talk to them etc. but i'm always left by myself. presently, my flatmate will not speak to me because i refused to do his laundry for him. Please help me and tell me what to do...please...
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 December 2007):
They don't have the right to do all these things. You're roomies, not married. Even being married they don't have the right to do this.
This behavior is inappropriate. I believe your country has laws to protect you and your possessions. You've tried talking, it doesn't work. I recommend gaining your strength and taking them to court. Also work on finding a others to be roommates with.
...............................
|
