A
male
age
51-59,
*knhrtd
writes:My ex and I have been together for 6 years and we have a child together. We seperated on several occasions but always get back together. The dynamics have changed since the last 2 breakups because we slept with other people and we realized that we did that because we seek intimacy. After 6 years Im now realizing what intimacy is and I completely understand now....and Im so ready to get to know her passions, her likes and really getting to know the person inside and satisfy her outside of sex, Im ready for marriage because I love her. My question is can this relationship be saved and my second question is when a woman sleeps with someone during a breakup does that means it is over. Im no angel because I did the same but I regret it.
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 December 2007):
 I'm glad to see you figured out there is a big difference between sex and intimacy. You also need to realize the breaking up yoyo affect doesn't work. What do you really accomplish when you break up and get back together. All that's doing is overexercising the fact that each of you can make a choice not to be together if things don't work well. It's more affective to take the same power and work on the issues. When you do the yoyo, each time you get back together one bad ingredient still exists, the reason you broke up in the first place.
Now lets look at the sex problem. The reason I call it a problem is when people, men or women, during break ups or other times have sex just to do it, there's usually an underlying problem that causes a need to feel fulfilled. Let's say you have a hard break up, your not only a bit upset, you also feel inadequate. That feeling can drive people to have sex as a way of coping with that feeling. The same as when people drink while stressed or depressed. That also means if you're planning marriage, both of you need to work on developing a strong sense of self. The stronger you both are as individuals the stronger your marriage will be.
I think this relationship can be saved since you're starting to view it in a different way. Learn to work through issues instead of just breaking up. When your married it could get very expensive if you got divorced then re-married every time there is an issue to work through.
A
female
reader, beanie0216 +, writes (2 December 2007):
 I think this relationship CAN be saved. If there is enough love, trust, and LOYALTY it will work. If you want to put that effort into your relationship you have to stick with it and let her know you'll do anything for her. When you break up with someone they are officially SINGLE. They can do whatever they want. Whatever they did should stay with them. And having to know what the other person did is insecurity. It hurts either way. But whatever happened is theirs to know and keep and they don't have to tell if they don't want to, but both people have to make sure that whatever happened is over and it won't happen anymore if a relationship with one another is what they want. If she slept with someone during a breakup it doesnt necessarily mean its over. She could have needed emotional support orr sexual desires that you werent there for because of the break up. Good luck, if you need anymore help let me know.
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