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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I had brief intercourse with a stripper during a lap dance... should I tell my wife?
Q. I’m felling real guilty about what happened to me at a strip bar. I’m a happily married man, ten years married with two kids. I go to strip bars, my wife lets me and its never been an issue. She goes out with her friends too, and admittedly been ...
A. 21 December 2007: This is up to you. It's something that should not have happened. You ask us not to judge you for it, but you're judging yourself. You need to read the post you wrote and come to realization of it not being your fault then forgive yourself for this. ... (read in full...)
I love my husband but there are lies and unreciprocation!
Q. My husband of 3 years tells lies. I work and travel alot and I discovered that when I am out of town he watches porn. I found hookup sites that he forgot to clear and approached him, he denied. then his hotmail password was changed-well it all ...
A. 21 December 2007: I was with someone too who, taking responsibility and ownership of her behavior is not something she'd do. In catching her with the untruth, I'd just giggle, "that's a good one, feel free to try again." As far as placing blame. If that begins, ... (read in full...)
He sometimes lets his female friends stay over. This bothers me. Should it?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years now, he has many female friends and is a real sosial butterfly. He has his female friends over to stay occasionaly or goes over to stay over at there house's am I odd if this bothers me? He's ...
A. 21 December 2007: Demand better treatment. If he wants this relationship he needs to treat you in a way that makes you feel special. Never settle for less from anyone in the way you desire to be treated. ... (read in full...)
My friend stole my boyfriends wallet, he and my friend blamed me, and now they are together and I'm left 6 months pregnant with his child. HELP!!
Q. i was in a seriouse relationship with a guy. one day his wallet ended up getting stolen because he left it on the porch, and me and my best friend were outside. she took his wallet and all the money in it. and he found out it was gone and blamed it ...
A. 21 December 2007: Set up an attorney, and when the child is born get the court order for child support. I generally argue for the rights of children being with both parents, but in your case I wouldn't try to work on it. He's dating your friend. how right is that. ... (read in full...)
Help! I'm 14 and my girlfriend is pregnant!
Q. Hi ,i am 14 years old and i am concerned that my girlfriendis pregnant. she was a virgin as i had sex before. We dident use protection and now she is 3 months pregnant. Web dont know how to tell our parents as they will both go mad with us. She has ...
A. 21 December 2007: This is up to you. You're kind of young to play the "I'm pregnant, pass the potatoes" way.
Do you think it would be better to tell them together or have each of you tell your own parents. Have you discussed what you're planning on doing when the... (read in full...)
I need some serious help with my jealousy
Q. Help me with my jealousy, please it's killing me! I have a very good relationship with my boyfriend, we have so much in common and I love him so much! He loves me too and is very sweet and caring. We alseo share a passionate sex life. He has ...
A. 21 December 2007: bodies are just bodies. stop worrying about these girls that spent thousands to look the way they do. most of them you could toss a dart and pop their balloons. keeping it real is the only way to go. people who have a face outside image generally ... (read in full...)
I need some serious help with my jealousy
Q. Help me with my jealousy, please it's killing me! I have a very good relationship with my boyfriend, we have so much in common and I love him so much! He loves me too and is very sweet and caring. We alseo share a passionate sex life. He has ...
A. 20 December 2007: Jealousy comes from within you, not from the actually activities he's doing. Blame tends to be place on outside areas when actually work on your inside needs to take place. You both need to work on developing a strong sense of self. Low sense of ... (read in full...)
Life is getting me down, how do I change things?
Q. This may sound ridiculous but it's quite a big issue for me at the minute. The thing is i'm 17 years old and live at home with my father and sister. This year I have been under immense stress it's just been a really tough time. Now I know I coul...
A. 20 December 2007: Unfortunately you can't take a break from yourself, but you can change your experience. So what do you feel is causing your depression? Could it be the family problems, or the mess you got yourself into. Is there other areas of your life that have ... (read in full...)
Please help, pregnancy scare...!
Q. The first of December was the day I was ovulating. Im not on BC and I had unprotected sex that day(12/01/07). I always get my period the 16th of everymonth...I haven't gotten it yet making it 4 almost 5 days late. Today (12/19/07) I took a first ...
A. 20 December 2007: I wouldn't worry just yet, unless you're experiencing other symptoms that are present with being pregnant. Wait a couple of days and try another test, or go to your local family planning office and they'll generally test at no cost to you.
If yo... (read in full...)
This marriage has been based on lies and to make things worse his female colleague seems to be seducing him. He also went on holiday behind my back. Am I wasting my time?
Q. I am married with 2 children. My husband has been deceiving me for a while now, lies over silly things. He watches porn when on business trips, i have seen the evidence on his hotel receipts. I have not confronted him but i know that if i did he w...
A. 20 December 2007: I think he really doesn't have much respect for the marriage you're in. When married, all though it's not OK to control someones behavior, it's also not OK to take part in activities that would have the possibility of breaching trust in the ... (read in full...)
I deceived a married man to get me pregnant and he wants to be there for us, but I don't want him near us unless he leaves his wife, what is the right thing for me to do in this situation?
Q. I'm a single mom who had been seeing a married man for two years before his wife found out. After she found out, he broke it off with me, and we were both devestated. Then I called him a few times, and we started to see each other again, but ...
A. 19 December 2007: your reasoning does not matter. sometimes the act is much larger than the reason behind it. you acted careless. you interfered with the life of someone else with a malicious intent. why you did it, who cares? that's like saying, i killed this ... (read in full...)
I'm 17, pregnant and scared
Q. Please help, I'm 18 weeks 3 days pregnant. I've always thought that if ever I fell pregnant I would have an abortion. I found out I was pregant last tuesday. I'm 17, and have split up from my ex as he cheated on me. I can't even say I was in love ...
A. 19 December 2007: your parents seem as if they are helpful and understanding. you should be grateful for having parents like that. if i was your age, i'd have the same things going through my mind as a father. my son was born when i was 19. we considered all the ... (read in full...)
Going on tour with my band and getting nervous
Q. In about 2 more months, my band memebers and I heading our first tour out in TN, at a club. Our other friends, The secrets, other band taught us everything we should sknow about tours. The bad news is 1) I get really nerves because we never ...
A. 18 December 2007: you need to realize their there to see you. not knowing them is sometimes better than knowing them. how do you feel about your bands performance as a whole? the problem some have is thinking they are being judged like on the shows as to their ... (read in full...)
I deceived a married man to get me pregnant and he wants to be there for us, but I don't want him near us unless he leaves his wife, what is the right thing for me to do in this situation?
Q. I'm a single mom who had been seeing a married man for two years before his wife found out. After she found out, he broke it off with me, and we were both devestated. Then I called him a few times, and we started to see each other again, but ...
A. 18 December 2007: No it's not right. You need some serious psychiatric help. What you did, first be seeing a married man, then by malicious means get pregnant. I hope that somewhere within you, you can find the truth that what you did was not right. There is not even ... (read in full...)
Never had a boyfriend and my aunt gives me a hard time about it
Q. Hi i'm a girl who has never had a boyfriend and i don't know why ? I mean i have talked to guys before but i only had one guy friend and he is gay . anyway my dilemma is my height . I am 4'9 and my aunt who i hate so much keeps asking my parents why ...
A. 18 December 2007: I'm a guy, and if the girl was nice and fund to be around, hight wouldn't be an issue.
With that being said. I'm 36 years old. I've been married, have four children, but I don't have a girl. I don't because it's a choice. Being with someone and dati... (read in full...)
My dad has a problem with my friends. Can you help?
Q. Dear cupid, my dad frowns upon me having friends if they are not up to par with my sister's standards. All she cares about is looks and "coolness" by her standards. I am not like that and never have been. And I don't necessarily think that the ...
A. 18 December 2007: Just let them be who they are and you be who you are. If you want to change it in your home, don't accept it. Live with your beliefs and don't let anyone change you just because of their ignorance. I'm not saying to be real mean, but for example ... (read in full...)
She doesn't contact me, but she contacts my ex! What does this mean?
Q. iam a guy who is 22 yrs in love with a girl aged 19.The problem is i recently found out that she does not at any time call me but instead she calls her ex-boyfriend as i found a text message she wrote to her exboyfriend using my phone and this has ...
A. 18 December 2007: I am really trying to figure out this trend of poor relationship ethics and respect. when you go to work, or out to a nice dinner or a meeting, you dress accordingly, act with professional behavior that meets the requirements of the setting you go ... (read in full...)
Is this relationship worth saving?
Q. I hava a boyfriend who has a short temper who I luv very much little confused, an incident occured yesterday where he got so pissed off because he wanted my son who is 13 to help him with some bags. I told him that I would take care of it and then ...
A. 18 December 2007: First I want to begin by saying, I don't condone violence in a family or outside the family. No one has any right to inflict pain on another. I do however understand that at times stress, and other influences can alter our mood. Even with that, we ... (read in full...)
I'm scared of confrontation! How can I feel more comfortable with disputes with my boyfriend?
Q. Hi guys, I'm petrified of confrontation and argument, I don't know where this has come from, I came from an okay home and no one has been abusive to me, but I systematically avoid disagreements at all costs-i even broke off things with my ex only ...
A. 17 December 2007: you have a few things going on here. all though they may be linked together, first look at them separately. (1) self esteem (2) self harm (3) avoidance. It seems as if you're afraid not just of the confrontation, but the reaction you might get from ... (read in full...)
We couldnt kick the drugs, so we kicked each other. Will I ever find love again?
Q. Hello...I am still very much in love with my ex boyfriend of three years from college. We broke up because we both had drug problems and neither could kick the habit, so we kicked eachother. Regardless, I want to move on and find someone else, but ...
A. 17 December 2007: i'm not going to address your drug problem, because you didn't mention if you were still using or clean. i will address the love issue. you can find true love, but true love first beings with your personal strength. knowing yourself. the more you ... (read in full...)
I work, she parties, I get angry. Am I being selfish?
Q. Am I spending too much time at work? I am being selfish? I've been married for a year. Live together and love my wife. She has many close ties with her friends I work for the military which sometimes requires long hours. After work I get hom...
A. 17 December 2007: If I were you, I'd talk to her about this. I think it's OK for people to want to go out and part and have fun, even while married. Marriage doesn't give you a license to control or property rights over her. But being in a marriage, there has to be ... (read in full...)
I slept with her, and now she's dumped me. How could she do this?
Q. im a guy and im quite sensitive when it comes to how i feel bout someone. i got with a girl and lost my virginity with her early ( too early) and she suddenly stoped replyin to my my textes. she dumped me soon after and makes out im messed up in the ...
A. 17 December 2007: when we look at where to place blame and where to draw a line to determine what was done to us, we have to look at the facts around what happened. (1) because you have feelings for her, is she obligated to have the same for you? (2) to you, what are ... (read in full...)
How can I recover from a relationship with an ex b/f who loves himself more than anything else?
Q. I am 19 years old and I was in a relationship with a narrcissist for a year. Its been 5 months almost now since I ended it and havent yet recovered. I am lost as to what to do. I still feel emotionaly ruined. I dont feel normal. I dont feel like i ...
A. 16 December 2007: This is difficult. Let me tell you something about innocence. It's precious, and sound like you feel as if it was a mistake, maybe it was, but does loosing you innocence really change who you are as a person.
You still have the power to dete... (read in full...)
Do I have a right to be angry at my ex who I had a dysfunctional relationship with?
Q. i went out with a guy for three months was crazy about him, the first time we broke up it was because he decided he didnt want to be in a relationship and because he knew i was ending it with him as i told him we needed to talk he ended it with me ...
A. 16 December 2007: Your a bit younger than I am. I want you to keep repeating this to yourself, I believe it should be taught in all schools. It's not OK to hold a grudge. Forgiving him is not for his benefit. He may not even care if you do or not. He may not be being ... (read in full...)
Does my crush like me? How do I know?
Q. how do i tell if my crush likes me? I'm naturely blonde so i act dumb sometimes. when i first moved here i didn't notice him at first until this boy that picks on every day.he stars at me and finds thing to anoy me.every day he would say oh thi...
A. 16 December 2007: quit playing, and staring, and being so shy and ask him out. don't listen to anyone when they ask him if he likes you. boys that age don't tell the truth to their friends because of being made fun of. Protecting his image with his friends. I think ... (read in full...)
My friend seems a little psycho. How do I handle it?
Q. I'm a 13 year old girl. I just made friends with this girl this year and shes 14. People think shes weird but I don't. I have to watch my back because sometimes she can really lie badly. Lately this guy has been flirting with me and I think it makes ...
A. 16 December 2007: wooooh, are we talking a little psycho or a lot. What do you know about this girl? I bet if you look into her history growing up, your answer will be there. I really wonder who's been hurting her? There are two different mental disorders that come ... (read in full...)
His ex girlfriend is a nuisance, should I befriend her?
Q. My boyfriend's ex has tried to come between me and him. She's just clinging on to what they had even though it's been over a year since they split. My friends tell me I need to tell her to back off. She still contacts him quite regularl...
A. 16 December 2007: people do that at times. it's a form of jealousy. they know it's over between them, but then the question keeps arising "why is she good enough for him and i'm not." they miss having what the two of you have now. i wouldn't be too hard on her, just ... (read in full...)
Am I a lesbien and should I tell her.
Q. I work at an all girls school and this has not been a problem until now. I have always been in straight relationships, but recently - since the start of the year - I have had feelings for one student in particular. I can't understand it as...
A. 15 December 2007: You're going to have to control these feelings, I just want to expand on what may be causing this. Now if you were really only attracted to girls, that would take place both on campus and off.
I recently saw an investigative report into this subj... (read in full...)
I'm in love with my teacher, telling him could make things awkward
Q. hi i know you have heard loads of people say this but i really am in love with my teacher. i love him because to me he is perfect though he has faults but i love them anyway. when he smiles at me it makes me want to smile and i feel really happy and ...
A. 14 December 2007: I probably would not tell him. He's a teacher, and even considering relationships with students aside from being their teacher and cause them to loose their jobs and their license to teach in any school. That's my advice.
Now aside from your teac... (read in full...)
How can I help my boyfriend learn to give and receive compliments?
Q. My boyfriend of nearly 6 months never says nice things to me or compliments me. Now, before you say dump him I should like to make a few points before you write him off as a loser. I think it is because all his life he has received negativity from ...
A. 14 December 2007: Sounds like he had many emotional blocks, which are the same as you call barriers. You are a very understanding women. That is nice to see. You didn't at all judge him in a negative way, where others in the same situation might have.
Negative bloc... (read in full...)
I'm feeling broken, any advice.
Q. o.k. time to spill:: i have been with {umm i'll call him "j"} for almost 2 years now! Things aren't going so great anymore since his car wreck because he is too controlling and stuck up my butt 24/7. + he's jealous over me! and i'm tired of it. ...
A. 14 December 2007: My opinion is you have issues deeper than not being able to figure out who to be with. Your lack of being able to make a decision is how it surfaces.
Does your boyfriend know about you cheating? Has that been hidden still? Do you still feel guil... (read in full...)
Am I a lesbien and should I tell her.
Q. I work at an all girls school and this has not been a problem until now. I have always been in straight relationships, but recently - since the start of the year - I have had feelings for one student in particular. I can't understand it as...
A. 14 December 2007: You work at an all girls school? That means you have a duty that comes with your position to protect the students at the school. One big requirement in do that is not to get into a sexual relationship with a student. That would be overstepping your ... (read in full...)
In love with a married man, but how do I cope with our break up?
Q. Hi, i hope you can help me out of this absurd situation. i fell in love with a guy i work with in the same office, he is married, with two kids. out of guilt we both called it a very close friendship, then he called me his soul mate and then his...
A. 13 December 2007: To the minister student. You're placing blame on God and the world for this happening. I've overcome some big obstacles in my time as well. I haven't given up on God and never will. One area I noticed relating to the bible, and the counseling I have ... (read in full...)
My husband is ruining my self confidence by constantly critizising me, how can I deal with this?
Q. Hi, I am newly married n staying with my husband from August. we had a made a choice of our own through matrimonial site.ours age is same(31 yrs) except he is a month older than me. My Problm is after i hv joined him he continues on critisising ...
A. 12 December 2007: Ask him this question. "Why did you merry me?" Let hims know your reason for asking it, because he's acting like he would to someone he doesn't like, not someone he claims to love.
I don't know where you are from, but I want to share this informat... (read in full...)
Should I leave the sweetest guy in the world for my sons father??
Q. I'm 22 i've been with my boyfriend for 9 months(we've been friends for 5 yrs. I love him and he loves me and my son but i'm not in love with him, and i just ran into my sons father after 10 months. I still love him but when i wanted a relatio...
A. 12 December 2007: I'd have to say NO. Reason being, if he wasn't ready before, what's the guarantee he's ready now? What has he done to change? What steps did he take to prepare himself for this commitment? When weighing the difference between the last time and this ... (read in full...)
He wont go down on me until we are married but we aren't even engaged.
Q. I have been with my man for a little over 2 years and he won't go down on me, he has NEVER gone down on me or anyone else for that matter. He says he'll do it when we are married (not that we are even engaged yet!) but sometimes he teases me and ...
A. 12 December 2007: Believe it or not, some guys are not into giving oral sex, as some girls aren't as well. I use to not enjoy giving oral either, but that was when my ex-wife expected it often. Over expectation lead to loss of desire.
Then my daughters mom came a lo... (read in full...)
My wife says no sex until I loose weight! Am I wrong to be thinking I shouldn't have to lose weight to save my marriage?
Q. my wife married met me, married me, and great sex with me, i was a big man when she met me....now we've been married for 5 years and fot the last few years, she dosnt want to have sex with me anymore becasue of my weight, she says i need to lose ...
A. 12 December 2007: We know when we need to change. We know when we have to loose weight. I'm keeping a bit more active trying to loose a few pounds. It's NOT OK to use sex as a punishment. She is wrong by the way she is treating you. If you were to file for divorce, ... (read in full...)
I really want a baby. How to speed it up.
Q. i realy want a baby but i seems like its guna take ages for me to get preganat . is there any way u can hurry up gettin preganat ??...
A. 12 December 2007: I think the longer it takes for you at your age the better. I know you want a baby, but do you know what it really takes to raise a child. This is only one item. My daughter 13 had to get braces in straighten her teeth. Everything included ... (read in full...)
What happens when a girl gets turned on by a boy?
Q. What happens when a girl gets turned on by a boy?...
A. 12 December 2007: Who knows. Experiences very from person to person. Aren't you a bit young to be asking this type of question? Don't you have adults living with you? This question would make for good conversation at the dinner table.... (read in full...)
Help! My husband is always talking to his ex wife!
Q. My husband and I have been together for almost 2 years. I have 2 daughters from a previous relationship and he has a son from a previous marriage. His son is 6 and very sensitive. His son still has many issues about his mommy and daddy ...
A. 12 December 2007: You need to tell your husband that he really needs to take a step back, take a real deep breath, clear his mind and think about this situation rationally. I don't know you. I read little information, and with the information you provided can tell, ... (read in full...)
What can I do to show him I've moved on?
Q. Do men like to see their ex girlfriends in pain after dumping them. I found out he cheated when I was pregnant he dumped me and stayed with the girl then broke up with her and tried to win me back. When unsuccesful he went back to her and she took ...
A. 10 December 2007: I did answer your other comment, and yes I mentioned focusing on kids, but more from a legal standpoint not a personal standpoint. I wasn't going to answer this one but after reading the last paragraph, I felt the need to add.
(1) Explain (factual... (read in full...)
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