A
female
age
30-35,
*yspacestacex3
writes:My current boyfriend Michael and I have been dating for 3 months. Our relationship is amazing. I've known him since i was real little because we used to go to church together. But we never talked at all then. And then just one day i saw him and found him on myyearbook.com and ever since then we been together. Like basiclly conjoined at the hip. We spend everyday together. He spends the night at my house almost everynight. And i'm guessing that im getting too attached because if he says hes not staying one night i make him mad by asking him so many questions like why not and then he ends up staying anyways to make me happy. And then i get real jealous too. I dont have a cell phone but he does. And he always has girls texting him and just the things they say to him makes me so angry and i sneak a peak at his texts when hes not looking and now he knows i do and he thinks i dont trust him when i do. Like i know i can trust him around other girls..but its just what they say to him and what he says to them that makes me angry. Like when we first started dating his friend from grade school, shes like in love with him but he dont like her like that. Well anyways he went over to her house when we parents werent home and they watched a movie together and i got real upset about it and broke up with him. But the breakup only lasted for about 2 days or so. Cause i really need him in my life and i shouldnt let little things like that get to me and i have told myself time and time again to not get jealous but every once in a while it happens. And his "girl" friends never want to hangout with him when hes with me. Only if hes by himself or with other people and it upsets me because it feels like they want to do stuff with him or w/e cuz im not there. IDk i love him to death and hes everything to me and i dont want my jealousy to ruin our relationship. Someone please help me out this has been going on for too long now and i dont want things to end up bad. Thanks i apreciate it a lot!
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female
reader, Myspacestacex3 +, writes (28 November 2007):
Myspacestacex3 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah i understand all this. And about the becoming friends with his friends part...none of his *girl* friends want to be friends with me. Like i siad they only want to hangout with him when im not around and when i mention something about it to him he always says that they dont wanna hangout with us when were together because they would get jealous.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): Ive been in the exactly the same situation, except my relationship did end because of the jealousy. But we managed to work things out in the end. I only relised how serious it was when we ended. I thought i could never change but i did and so can you. Firstly its natural to be a bit jealous, everyone gets that way at times. But by doing it your only hurting yourself and causing unnessecery damage to your relationship. The obvious piont is that he clearly wants to be with you otherwise he wouldnt be. And it doesnt matter what girls he texts or who he talks to hes choosen to be with you and thats that. Your the only one who can change this so just keep telling yourself theres no need for this feeling. If you want to be with you bf then ull do this, ethier way you need to stop this. No just for your relationship but for yourself because feeling jealous is actually horrible. Try to not rely on him so much. have your time apart, when he goes out...dont sit in and worry what hes upto, go out yourself and have a good time. Space away from your partner is actully great for you, for one it lets you be more independant. And dont think everygirl he knows is after him, stop seeing them as the enemy and met them. Become friends with them, once you know what there like you'll feel more at ease. And the next time you go for his messages stop yourself, your just upsetting yourself for no reason. The texts wont mean anything, they'll just be from friends. At the end of the day your his girlfreind, enjoy that and enjoy your relationship, dont let this silly feeling ruin things for you.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 November 2007):
 You answered your own question. First look at your question and tell me you don't sound despirate. You mentioned the word "Need" You don't need him if you didn't have him the sun would still rise and set.
You need to come to realize you're in this relationship as a choice. This is the person you choose to be with. He's with you as a choice as well. Just as you choose to be together, either one of you can choose the opposite and not be together. That too is a choice and is available to boh of you.
Who really cares what these girls do. What matters in the relationship is what the two of you do. It sounds as if you're a bit self conscious, and fear these girls as a competition or a threat to your relationship. It's like a kid carying a sucker. Have you ever walked up to a kid and looked like you may take their candy? They tighten their grip, hold it behind their back and do everything in their power not to let it get away.
If the kid is teased a bunch about people trying to get the candy, even if you walk up with the only intention of giving the child a hug, they still take that candy and hide it or tighten their grip becuase their afraid of the possibility.
There are millions of girls in the US. Many different shapes, sizes, looks and colors. These fears you have need to be addressed or you won't have a happy relationship, without jealousy until your the only one out of the millions left. That's not going to happen, so you need to address the problems.
Look up on the internet a search under attachment disorders, you'll find some good information there. I don't want to judge you because I don't know you or how your home life has been, but many girls who have had a distant or no relationship with their fathers develop these easier because it's a way to fill the void they missed with male affection. If that situation sounds like yours, look it up and you'll find ways to work on these issues to overcome them.
Take care, and good luck.
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