A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi,I'll keep it as short as i can..I recently broke up with my fiance of 3 yrs. I had decided what I was living wasn't how I wanted to live for the rest of my life..soon after I began to have feelings of this, I began speaking on e-mail to a guy at work...we had got quite close quickly (3 months), he had offered both my daughter and I to go live with him and decorate a new property he was buying, as it was kind of an investment..to do up and sell on and I had said that I was really good at deorating and the plans had gone from there. We were seeing each other for 5 weeks, things moved quickly-though we didn't have sex, we had slept in the same bed on a few occasions etc...he had said that he wanted me to meet his parents and brother, then one evening we went out for dinner and i stopped over, I left in the morning and we kissed and hugged before I left, as normal and he had said to text him later, I did and then it took him hrs to txt bk..things went downhill from there... be e-mail, I asked him if something was different between us, he then told me he had all of a sudden realised the seriousness of the situation and didn't know what he wanted..after a couple of weeks deciding, he ended it, but asked if we could be friends, I basically said we couldn't after the way he had behaved and we haven't spoke since then..we see each other everyday, but ignore each other..I feel bad for saying I didn't want to be friends, coz I really liked him, but I had to say what I did, in order to get through to him how he hurt me, but in the back of mind,I wish we could try talk about things..and maybe try things out, I just don't know whether to or how I would go about...?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): Let this be a lesson. You have a daughter. Don';t go spending the night with people until you have known them for a much longer period of time. Becuase you have been engaged you will want to rush into a relationship so you can quickly get to that comfortable level with someone new. Take your time and don't allow anything to get serious until you have been dating that person long enough to know they are worth it.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (6 December 2007):
 This really doesn't sound like something that can be worked out. Does he have children? If not, his realization may be around getting involved with a "ready made" family. He may not be ready for a greater commitment, and that's something you won't be able to change. I'd just move on. You said you liked him, but were going to move in with him. Don't put your daughter through that unless you really love the guy first. You'll be the one who will have the largest impact on her life weather teaching what's right or what is the wrong way to conduct herself.
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