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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I gave up the custody of my grandson as my daughter would have troubled us, the man I was dating has "shut off," how do I stop the the constant heartaches, misery and let downs?
Q. I find it hard to ask for help myself though I often help other people, I guess its because Im concerned about being condemmned or made fun of so I hope someone can help. I have had quite a traumatic childhood and adult life so far but things h...
A. 27 November 2007: when I spoke about being positive, I'm talking about how we view things that happen to us. I am a very positive person, I've had obsticals to overcome, and some have been very difficult, but I tend to look past the obstical its self, set up a plan ... (read in full...)
Lost love found after 30 years.
Q. 30 years ago, I had the most wonderful girlfriend. She was three years younger than me. We were best friends and complimented each other so well. We really expected to live a normal life, by getting married and having a family. I loved her more than ...
A. 19 November 2007: That is simply amazing. Good luck to the both of you. I wish you many happy years together. Take care.... (read in full...)
He's looking at teen sites, is he a pedophile
Q. So a little background info: Me and my husband, a US Marine, are both 19, and we got married this year in a quick ceremony. Four days before we got married, I found out (thru snooping in his email that he gave me the password to) that he cheated on ...
A. 10 November 2007: If he's leaving fairly soon. I would have you little talk with him before hand. If this isn't settled it's going to take the jealousy, insecurity, and wondering to an accelerated level. What I'm worried about for you if it's not taken care of, I ... (read in full...)
Why am I so over sensitive all the time?
Q. I'm starting to get seriously worried; I'm gettting to over sensitive. Every nasty comment or intention that someone says to someone else I feel the damage and hurt it does to the other person. I can barely have a decent conversation without ...
A. 10 November 2007: You'll be OK. It's fine to feel empathy for what others are going through. The feeling where you can feel there emotions, it's called transference. For some reason your just a bit more open to receiving it. Psychologists go through it all the time. ... (read in full...)
I need help telling someone.
Q. Im still in doubt with who i should tell and stuff. I mean, well i dont get along at home at all, my parents get physical with me sometimes and can be very argumentive. But i mean at school. Im just wondering who can i tell at school about the past ...
A. 10 November 2007: Do you have a counselor at school you can talk too? That's someone you can spill your guts too, that knows how to help you in so many ways. You didn't mention too much about what has happened, but from what you had, your laughing and then snapping ... (read in full...)
Is my teacher right or wrong?
Q. So, I was hugging my girlfriend as usual. Im 13, goin on 14 in january. My teacher saw me huggin her and said " No more physical contact with her". Seriously, I don't get why hes sayin that. He has 3 daughters. Its like huggin is against the law, ...
A. 9 November 2007: I'm sorry. It's not right, but according to school policies, the teacher is right. People have complained about hugging and making out in public within the school, and claim it made the uncomfortable.
Public affection in schools is no longer allo... (read in full...)
He blames me because I won't move back in.
Q. I don't know if I should continue on. I left my husband a year ago- I don't want a divorce; but I don't want to be unhappy either. We both have children, creating a blended family. We have one child together. He won't work, cook, clean, ...
A. 9 November 2007: So he's on Social Security? Now keep in mind it's not your fault. Even if someone blames you, if you know it isn't, that shouldn't affect you. His behavior is his own. His not working is his choice, it has nothing to do with anything else.
I'd comp... (read in full...)
He's looking at teen sites, is he a pedophile
Q. So a little background info: Me and my husband, a US Marine, are both 19, and we got married this year in a quick ceremony. Four days before we got married, I found out (thru snooping in his email that he gave me the password to) that he cheated on ...
A. 9 November 2007: A pedophile is someone who seeks sexual contact with a minor. But, even if he's not making direct contact with them, it is unlawful for him to transport, obtain, solicit, or possess illicit material of minors on his computer, or use his computer for ... (read in full...)
I'm 14, am I going through depression?
Q. Hi I'm 14 and I can't help but wonder if I am going through a depression.. Here is my situation. Well my bf and I recently broke up after 3 years I am okay with that but I also have no friends. When I say this, I am exaggerating a little bc I do hav...
A. 9 November 2007: First, would we answer your questions, if we didn't care. See there are people other than your family who do. You know you are a very sweet, loving, caring, empathetic, compassionate individual who doesn't exaggerate, likes the fact, don't beet ... (read in full...)
Any good links for break up advise for dads.
Q. I can't get over my ex. We have 3 kids together, have bought a house together and were together for 6 yrs. We are both 27. She ended it with me about 7 months ago and I begged her for months not to do it. I have to see her all the time because ...
A. 9 November 2007: First, you need a psychologist. Anytime things get bad enough to consider ending it, you need that additional help.
A bit of advise, anytime your statement begins with "I have tried to." It doesn't work. It reminds me of cartoons. A fire star... (read in full...)
He blames me because I won't move back in.
Q. I don't know if I should continue on. I left my husband a year ago- I don't want a divorce; but I don't want to be unhappy either. We both have children, creating a blended family. We have one child together. He won't work, cook, clean, ...
A. 9 November 2007: If he doesn't work, how is it he's supporting himself? And why is it he chooses not to work?
If you could answer those, It would be appreciated.... (read in full...)
Will he change if I move in?
Q. Ok ... so I'm 35 yrs old ... a mother of one ... divorced ... and dating ... again. We've been dating for 4 months and he lives about an hour away (which might as well be a billion miles to him). He begs me to move to his town, which is very ...
A. 9 November 2007: You seem like a good mom, taking precautions. As well as consistently tying one on. Saying it's because you're not there? NOPE WRONG. He's there because it's a choice he makes. Saying it's because you're not there is a way of placing responsibility ... (read in full...)
My husband is an asylum seeker who only married me to get to live here. What can I do?
Q. i am in panic i live with my husband since march 2000 we get married in april 2003 is been treat me very bad since i had my 1 child with him now 6, i am the wife n0 3,is got 2 girls in angola 19 and 21 years old another 10 years with a ex-partner ...
A. 9 November 2007: You're going to have to get rid of him. This is not a good person to be with. Doing what he's doing doesn't make him a man it makes him a wannabe.
I may have some good news for you. England laws and the laws here are fairly close in nature. With... (read in full...)
I gave up the custody of my grandson as my daughter would have troubled us, the man I was dating has "shut off," how do I stop the the constant heartaches, misery and let downs?
Q. I find it hard to ask for help myself though I often help other people, I guess its because Im concerned about being condemmned or made fun of so I hope someone can help. I have had quite a traumatic childhood and adult life so far but things h...
A. 9 November 2007: I know you must be saying, easier said than done. I would too if I was just reading some weird guy saying be positive take action. That's what I tole myself 7 years ago, when I had a suicide level depression and I was drinking a bottle or rum every ... (read in full...)
My husband cheated, now this girl wont leave us alone? Why?
Q. My husband cheated on me. The thing is that the girl keeps bugging him and saying she wont leave him alone because he has hurt her so much. What does she means with that? I read this on a letter she wrote to him. Why is she so insistent?...
A. 9 November 2007: You step in and tell her to back off. If she doesn't, I believe your country as well offers restraining orders. I'd seek one. It's one thing to be involved with cheating, but this behavior is abnormal.... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and the 22 year old guy I met online wants to meet me!
Q. I met this boy over a chat room started talking but the problem is hes 22 im only 14 i know hes not an old man or anything becasue he sent me a picture with my name on i told him first that i thought he was a fake but now i know hes not. He wants ...
A. 9 November 2007: Your right you don't get many like that. Be a bit more careful. These older guys have experience and they know how to play you, they know how to catch your heart, and they know how to destroy you as they seek out their next victim. Watch yourself, ... (read in full...)
Why can't I get a relationship for more than three months.
Q. why cant i stay in a relationship for more than 3 months, after that i always try pushing away, finding her flaws, and making fun of her? all in all i become an asshole...
A. 9 November 2007: Your need to take time seek some counseling and figure out what's causing these changes in you. There has to be a reason your behavior toward them change.... (read in full...)
How do I lift my self esteem?
Q. I am 23 years old and have never had a real relationship before. I have had a boyfriend in the past but it was nothing serious. There was no real passion, love or a deep emotional connection between the two of us. Thinking back, there was nothing ...
A. 9 November 2007: Being an introvert isn't all that bad. I am and quite enjoy it. Helps me to stay out of trouble.
Jealousy and wanting what someone else has, isn't going to get you what it is you desire. Being dependent upon someone else to make you happy does... (read in full...)
I am a male and I don't enjoy sex.
Q. I am an adult male, have had sex a couple of times and have never really enjoyed it. The sex all seem mechanical with no real pleasurable sensation or feeling like you read about or see in movies. I also don't ejaculate during sex but ejaculate when ...
A. 9 November 2007: I think if you get married like this, you may have a problem. Don't look at the mechanics of sex and kissing. It's not about that, it's about pleasing the other person.
Are you experiencing fear? Some people have difficulty if they fear their perf... (read in full...)
Mom won't let me date.
Q. My mom won't let me date till im 16. I really like this girl, and she likes me back. I have tried to talk to her about it by like saying that i am mature and stuff like that. What should i do? Wait it out, or go behind her back...
A. 9 November 2007: You need to wait. Don't be disrespecting you mom. She's doing what she feels is best for you. Believe it or not, moms are generally right. ... (read in full...)
Why are men like this?
Q. hi,i have one question. when you tell a man that you love him why does he feel like a king and that he is the master of everything and ignores you , and drives so far away from you? ...
A. 9 November 2007: If he feels like the king, he'd better be treating you like a queen. No man is the master over what you do, where you go, or who you talk to. Ge out of there, because this form of behavior gets worse not better.
I'm a man and you'd never catch me t... (read in full...)
Why are men like this?
Q. hi,i have one question. when you tell a man that you love him why does he feel like a king and that he is the master of everything and ignores you , and drives so far away from you? ...
A. 9 November 2007: If he feels like the king, he'd better be treating you like a queen. No man is the master over what you do, where you go, or who you talk to. Ge out of there, because this form of behavior gets worse not better.
I'm a man and you'd never catch me t... (read in full...)
Lost love found after 30 years.
Q. 30 years ago, I had the most wonderful girlfriend. She was three years younger than me. We were best friends and complimented each other so well. We really expected to live a normal life, by getting married and having a family. I loved her more than ...
A. 9 November 2007: Your story absolutely overwhelmed me. Such a wonderful connection the two of you must have, and to have it last all these years. I really wish the both of you the best. I'd say after 30 years, bring all of it, I don't think you'll overwhelm her. It ... (read in full...)
Lost love found after 30 years.
Q. 30 years ago, I had the most wonderful girlfriend. She was three years younger than me. We were best friends and complimented each other so well. We really expected to live a normal life, by getting married and having a family. I loved her more than ...
A. 9 November 2007: Your story absolutely overwhelmed me. Such a wonderful connection the two of you must have, and to have it last all these years. I really wish the both of you the best. I'd say after 30 years, bring all of it, I don't think you'll overwhelm her. It ... (read in full...)
He cheated, but says its because he was high, can I forgive him?
Q. So here's the thing, I moved in with a girl who had a spare room. She seemed pretty cool and all that and we got along for while, and I began involving her in my life, letting her come out with me and shop with me, everything friends do. And after ...
A. 9 November 2007: First I want you to understand something. No suicide talk. Over a boy, come one. What boy is really worth that.
It's up to you if you forgive him. It's hard when you trust someone and they do this. This guy is really a looser. I'm not using that... (read in full...)
He cheated, but says its because he was high, can I forgive him?
Q. So here's the thing, I moved in with a girl who had a spare room. She seemed pretty cool and all that and we got along for while, and I began involving her in my life, letting her come out with me and shop with me, everything friends do. And after ...
A. 9 November 2007: First I want you to understand something. No suicide talk. Over a boy, come one. What boy is really worth that.
It's up to you if you forgive him. It's hard when you trust someone and they do this. This guy is really a looser. I'm not using that... (read in full...)
He cheated, but says its because he was high, can I forgive him?
Q. So here's the thing, I moved in with a girl who had a spare room. She seemed pretty cool and all that and we got along for while, and I began involving her in my life, letting her come out with me and shop with me, everything friends do. And after ...
A. 9 November 2007: First I want you to understand something. No suicide talk. Over a boy, come one. What boy is really worth that.
It's up to you if you forgive him. It's hard when you trust someone and they do this. This guy is really a looser. I'm not using that... (read in full...)
He cheated, but says its because he was high, can I forgive him?
Q. So here's the thing, I moved in with a girl who had a spare room. She seemed pretty cool and all that and we got along for while, and I began involving her in my life, letting her come out with me and shop with me, everything friends do. And after ...
A. 9 November 2007: First I want you to understand something. No suicide talk. Over a boy, come one. What boy is really worth that.
It's up to you if you forgive him. It's hard when you trust someone and they do this. This guy is really a looser. I'm not using that... (read in full...)
He cheated, but says its because he was high, can I forgive him?
Q. So here's the thing, I moved in with a girl who had a spare room. She seemed pretty cool and all that and we got along for while, and I began involving her in my life, letting her come out with me and shop with me, everything friends do. And after ...
A. 9 November 2007: First I want you to understand something. No suicide talk. Over a boy, come one. What boy is really worth that.
It's up to you if you forgive him. It's hard when you trust someone and they do this. This guy is really a looser. I'm not using that... (read in full...)
He's even ignoring our kids to spend time upstairs ranting in his room, about everything. This is his constant behaviour. How do I deal?
Q. I've been married to my husband for a month now, and things have been great so far... until now. We've got a three-year-old daughter and a four-year-old son. However, recently my husband's changed. He's began ranting about everything and a...
A. 9 November 2007: Dear Laura:
I'm sorry, I know this is an issue, but I had to laugh. It reminded me of the tv program "the honeymooners" The husband was always ranting and raving. My daughter said to tell him to "build a bridge and get over it."
What is he ra... (read in full...)
I don't want to be with my fiance any more. What should I do?
Q. Going to have to put this briefly... I don't think i want to be with my fiance any more. Have felt this way for a long time. One of the main reasons i am still with him is our 1 year old daughter. Our families are one of the main problems. My mum...
A. 9 November 2007: I agree, you don't love him, so be honest and let him go.... (read in full...)
Why is my husband so unaffectionate and secretive?
Q. A male or expert perspective on this is highly appreciated. My husband of 5 years is not very passionate or affectionate towards me. He hardly ever gives me any compliments, especially not of the type that would make me feel attractive. He does say ...
A. 9 November 2007: Let's first look at something you did that you shouldn't need to do in marriage, which is offering cosmetic changes to make him happy. It's your body, all though you're married, making cosmetic changes needs to be a choice to make you feel better ... (read in full...)
Law to have my abusive husband removed.
Q. is there a law in illinois to have an abusive husband removed from my home?...
A. 9 November 2007: I believe most states have such laws. Call your local police department and victim services.... (read in full...)
All my exes have cheated on me, now I think my new partner may be as well, how can I trust her?
Q. i'm not sure if she is cheating on me. i have never had a good relationship. every woman i have been with has either cheated on me, used me, stole from me. you name it. they have done it in the worst way. i seem to be way too forgiving and i get ...
A. 9 November 2007: Remember from when you were cheated on and you knew before hand, wasn't that a deep down feeling. That's why they call it a gut feeling.
We tend to worry about the possibility of something happening. We do that because of our own insecurities. You ... (read in full...)
I gave up the custody of my grandson as my daughter would have troubled us, the man I was dating has "shut off," how do I stop the the constant heartaches, misery and let downs?
Q. I find it hard to ask for help myself though I often help other people, I guess its because Im concerned about being condemmned or made fun of so I hope someone can help. I have had quite a traumatic childhood and adult life so far but things h...
A. 8 November 2007: You've had a difficult life. Now it's never time to give up on life. It's also never time to do self harm. Now, what we learn from our parents can determine our actions as an adult. When growing up like you had, now that you're an adult, it's up to ... (read in full...)
Is the saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater" true?
Q. Is the saying true? Once a cheater, always a cheater?" Is it possible that the 'cheater' simply hasn't found the right one, or is it a flawed gene or something? Can a married man (for instance) find love outside his marriage and maintain that he ...
A. 8 November 2007: Unfortunately in is generally true. It's not about genes. It's partially damaged self esteem, character and integrity.
They are self centered. They're going to get what they want sexually, or what they crave, no matter if they really hurt the pers... (read in full...)
She doesn't know if she loves me
Q. Can anyone help me I've been with my partner for 4 years now we have lived together with her 2 kids aged 16 and 17 for 3 1/2 years we have made a house a lovely home we've been on lots of hoildays as a family with our friends and on or own,most ...
A. 8 November 2007: People many times think when someone's behavior changes all of a sudden that it's natural, NOPE something changes within the person's routine that causes the sudden change. Cheating is a big one that changes it. I re-read through your statement 3 ... (read in full...)
She doesn't know if she loves me
Q. Can anyone help me I've been with my partner for 4 years now we have lived together with her 2 kids aged 16 and 17 for 3 1/2 years we have made a house a lovely home we've been on lots of hoildays as a family with our friends and on or own,most ...
A. 8 November 2007: People many times think when someone's behavior changes all of a sudden that it's natural, NOPE something changes within the person's routine that causes the sudden change. Cheating is a big one that changes it. I re-read through your statement 3 ... (read in full...)
How can I be strong and stay away from him?
Q. For the past 2 years i was dating a loser. The First 6 months were heaven! after that things slowly deteriorated, in the 2nd year i knew i had to get out of this relationship. I lost touch with my family and friends one by one who decided they...
A. 8 November 2007: So he cuts you down, can't keep a job, drinks and does drugs, and what kind of future do you want to have with him. It got so bad because it was always that bad. Abusers don't being abusing the first day (usually) they wait until they have you right ... (read in full...)
How to get him to start having sex with me again
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for almost four years now. In the beginning we would have sex all the time, but for the last year and a half he doesnt want to. He would rather look up porn and masterbate instead. How do i get him to stop ...
A. 8 November 2007: A year and a half. Isn't that a bit long to accept this treatment? What is going on with men (no offense to my whole gender), but there are so many guys who'd love to have a girl come by for a night, and those who have it right there would rather ... (read in full...)
I'm 25, male and I've fallen for a 15 year old female online! Do I go for it?
Q. Hey there i'm not regular to this site but hope someone might like to give me advice. . . . . . I'm a 25 year old man, i do not have a job as I quit a few months back and I'm a writer. . . I drink most nights a week and live with my parents....
A. 8 November 2007: It's wrong to do this. I'm a parent too, and I keep think as my girls progress through the teen years, it's time to buy that shotgun.
I think if you pursue this, the next post we'll be seeing is asking for everyone to send you soap on a rope.
Yo... (read in full...)
He financially raped me, what to do?
Q. about 6 months ago i went against all the advice of my friends and family and paid my then boyfriends phone bill for him. he said it was really high that month and he couldnt afford it so since i have more money than him, could i pay it off for him. ...
A. 8 November 2007: We all learn these lessons. I'd send him a letter in the mail. Call it INTENT TO COLLECT DEBT So if you decide to take it to court, if he doesn't respond within the time allowed, they may see it as something owed.... (read in full...)
Vengeful ex-boss is potentially ruining my career.
Q. I live in a USA territory. I quit this terrible six month job a year and a half ago because of a very disrespectful and verbal abusive woman boss, who called herself christian by the way. She felt so rejected when I quit the job she promised me she ...
A. 8 November 2007: I don't this past employer having an issue in background checks. Which country was this past employment from? I know what you're saying about Christian. I'm a Christian also and the station on the radio I was listening too was talking about people ... (read in full...)
I feel I should give up on him and move on.
Q. Hmm, this is hard to write down because I can't quite get my head around it. The thing is the guy I am with has four children of his own and 2 of his late wifes where as I don't have any I am 18 years old and he is 17 years older than I am. His...
A. 8 November 2007: Nobody deserves to die. You're not stealing her life. Being a parent myself, if I were married, and I passed I would want my wife to find someone who's good to her and good to the children. If you love being with him, I think you should give it a ... (read in full...)
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