A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:My wife maintains mostly men as friends. They are mostly coworkers. She also had sexual affairs with some of them. Her frienships with these guys make me very uncomfotable, and she knows it. I have asked her a few times to cool down those male friendships. She still keeps a few as close friends who know whats going on in her life more then I do. She is on her cell phone a lot with them and it angers me she continues to take the time I do have with her and communicate with these other men. She claims there is nothing going on, but she said that too when she was screwing them. Today she went Christmas shopping with one of them. She knew this bothered me, she went anyway. I have no idea if she is shopping with him or screwing him in a motel somewhere. I am getting very close to the end of my rope as I would think a person who was caught cheating more than once, who wanted to stay married would be a lot more careful about how this is effecting our marriage. I do love my wife and I know she loves me, but how much love could she really have for me when she does whatever she wants with her male friends despite what we've been thourgh and how it makes me feel inside. We have 2 teenagers so I tried to get past the cheating by her and have done many things to change my life that were her reasons why she cheated. Her cheating has resulted in a complete loss of trust and I feel I've done all I could to make things better while she still see's her friends and hasn't done that much herself to help improve this marriage. I feel this is very unfair to me and our children because its affecting all of us, and there is always the possibilty she is still having sex with some of them infrequently, even though she denies it. Do you think her actions are selfish? Am I over reacting? Is it finally time to leave her ? Please answer my last 3 questions. Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): I have to agree with the last poster. Why are you still with her? She is also a hypocrite by asking you to remain faithful while she sees other men. Thats not love. Thats exploitation. Not all women act like her. You could find happiness with another women who has the same idea about marriage as you do.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): the real question is why are you still with her? obviously she doesnt care a whit about how you feel or she wouldnt do these things. am surprised you would have to ask
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (8 December 2007):
 Do you think her actions are selfish? YES
Am I over reacting? NOT AT ALL
Is it finally time to leave her ? YES
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (8 December 2007):
 her actions are extremely selfish. it seems as if there is no compromise on her end. She does what she's going to do and expects you to just accept it. That's not right. Being married means you have to compromise and act in a manner that doesn't make your partner feel uncomfortable.
The way I live my life is safe but a good example. I live in a way at home and away from home as if my children were sitting there watching me. It's how I choose to display my integrity and character and what I would be blessed to pass on to my children.
Lets look at the adultery. There is never an excuse for it. She's not just being selfish and affecting you, her behavior is selfish toward your children as well. Those who choose to work it out after an adultery has been committed, the first rule in doing so is cutting ties and no longer being friends with the person who the act was committed with.
Now you'd think she'd be more careful, unless she believes she has you wrapped around her finger and can get away with everything in the past and possibly anything else. If you were going to have a small slice of pie (watching health) and someone offered you a much larger slice than you were going to take, if you thought you could get away with the quick indulgence, most of us would look around and scarf the additional amount. If she looks at you as someone who accepts or allows poor behavior she has, she'll continue to indulge.
Is it time for divorce. If she's not willing to accept help or change her behavior, I'd say yes. Not just because of how the behavior affects you, but the both of you are teaching your children the proper way to behave, and how to handle poor behavior others display. I'd sit her down and have a serious talk. Let her know everything you feel, and how this is affecting you, and the kids. Find out if this is a marriage she really wants to remain in, and if so is she willing to make changes with you to improve and have a marriage the both of you can be proud to be in. Look within yourself too, I'm sure you can find some areas you can improve in that will benefit your family as well.
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