Like what
he writes?
... Add *cn to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
|
|
| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
|
My husband told me to sleep with another man, I have and liked it,will we have problems?
Q. my husband, of two years,. has given me permission to have sex with other men. i did not ask him for this, he just told me it was ok one day while we were raking the yard (why, when we were raking the yard...wouldn't bed be a better place...but ...
A. 21 January 2008: It's not him sleeping with others. Your question is with you. With marriage comes responsability, respect, honesty. He told you to do it, you liked it and want to keep doing it. That's fine, if he said you can do it over and over again. If it was ... (read in full...)
Could it be depression? The past two years seem to have mounted up, I don't know where I'm standing.
Q. hi guys. i always rely on this site to help me with minor problems but recently so much as been mounting up and it has turned into one big problem. here it is.....: first of all: i dont know whether i have depression or not but i go through ...
A. 16 January 2008: Good luck with everything. I mentioned hormones because of your age. My daughter, in a way is the same. The boy hugs another girl, or someone talks behind someone else's back, it's like the whole world just came crashing. I've gotten calls at work ... (read in full...)
My uncle is the 'town nutjob'...what can I do to get him from hurting our family?
Q. My uncle is ruining our lives. He (Let's just call him "Bob") lives on the same street as us and he is becoming absolutely unbearable. I have felt increasingly suicidal due to this man and he is making me ill. I do not want to be related to him as ...
A. 16 January 2008: I'm not trying to get you to switch faiths, just to get you to understand Christians are not going to come to your house, light a bush on fire and tell you they found a burning bush in your yard.
Speaking in tongues. A pastor at my church witn... (read in full...)
Married but lusting after someone else..what can I do?
Q. im recently married and i do love my husband more than anything, he has just started to work away but i cant stop thinking and lusting after someone else, i dont know what to do as he knows how i feel and he wants it to. should i just for fill my ...
A. 16 January 2008: Go ahead and do it. Afterward realize you just put your personal desire infront of your marriage, your husband and the love you claim to have for him.
If you love him more than anything, then you'll protect the relationship you have with him and ... (read in full...)
My best friend is being beaten by the father of her baby..how do I help her?
Q. My best friend is being beaten by the father of her baby. This is quite complecated so bear with me please. My friend had a baby a year ago with her then boyfriend, she has a flat and its ment to be for her and baby only but the dad lives there ...
A. 16 January 2008: He needs to be arrested. I know it's scary to be in an abusive situation. I was in one (I'm a male too) my ex has borderline personality disorder, which is not only verbally and physically abusive behaviors but if you just leave them they ... (read in full...)
My uncle is the 'town nutjob'...what can I do to get him from hurting our family?
Q. My uncle is ruining our lives. He (Let's just call him "Bob") lives on the same street as us and he is becoming absolutely unbearable. I have felt increasingly suicidal due to this man and he is making me ill. I do not want to be related to him as ...
A. 16 January 2008: First of all, find out who Grandma's executor is, send them a letter explaining the intimidation and pressure to enter it, this will invalidate the will. A will has to be entered into of the maker's own free will, free from intimidation.
S... (read in full...)
He's unmotivated and I have suddenly stopped feeling for him. Help me understand all this!
Q. I've been dating this guy for a couple of months now and I like him a lot although I can't understand why I have suddenly stopped feeling for him. I have recently started working out again and we had been talking about getting in shape and eating ...
A. 16 January 2008: Of course you feel this way. If cookies looked good to you, you'd be compromizing your getting into shape. What you're doing wrong is too much expectation. It's OK for him to not jump on the bandwagon with you and get right into working out. People ... (read in full...)
He's not affectionate and I love it! I want more and he's pulling away..what can we do?
Q. Hi hope you all can help as I'm feeling pretty down right now. Basically I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 6 months. He is wonderful we have the exact same sense of humour, similar interests, similar tastes, we basically on the outside looking ...
A. 16 January 2008: The problem in relationships is that we tend to, after the introduction is over, show the other person we love them the way we personally feel loved, and forgetting the way they feel loved may be completely opposite of how we feel it.
As an exam... (read in full...)
He's not in the mood anymore! Should I stay or leave?
Q. Should I stay or should I leave? My boyfriend and I have been together for close to 15 months now. Ou physical intimacy has been non-existent for the last 3-4 months. But we still have a great time when we are together. There is no tension, whenever...
A. 16 January 2008: I agree with the other poster, and I'd also like to add not being so stale in the approach to sex. Sometimes what is too familier becomes dull. Talk to him about maybe trying some new things, different places and styles. Spice it up a bit. Let him ... (read in full...)
I still love her and she knows that. Why is she doing this hurtful thing?
Q. My ex broke up with me about a month and a half ago, she's now been going out with another guy for about 3 weeks. I don't know if it's a rebound, she saw a different guy for a couple of days before, and that was definitely a rebound. But this one ...
A. 16 January 2008: Tell her how you feel. Let her know it's OK that you're over, but it's not OK to keep bringing up this guy to you. This is a huge form of dis respect. She needs to let you heal and move on in peace.... (read in full...)
How do I stop my bulimia?
Q. Im 26 and feel pathetic ,ive got 2 children and i suffer with bullimia ive had it 4 years now and just feel so stuck cos i dont no how to stop or try to eat healthy.I need to stop as im afraid to die leavin my children but i just dont no how ,it ...
A. 16 January 2008: I agree with the other poster. Find a support network so people help others, and be there for eachother. From my end, I want you to look at your children and keep telling yourself you're going to change your behavior because you love your ... (read in full...)
Would a therapist help?
Q. I'm 45 years old, all my children are grown. 14 Months ago my husband decided to have an affair,and the woman is 41 years old, got pregant and had the baby. I try so hard to walk away but he keeps began for forgiveness I kick him out and he goes and ...
A. 16 January 2008: You think it's embarrassing what he's doing? What about what you're doing? This is an extremely damaged relationship. You both have dependency issues. I can tell because you asked him to walk away from a child that is his. That's dependency, wrong, ... (read in full...)
I had an abortion. How do I bring up the subject in conversation?
Q. Hi, I'm 24 years old. At the age of 16 I had a teenage pregnancy which I decided to abort. It all went a bit complicated and they couldn't abort and I was asked back over the next few days but I miscarried as a result of the first botched ab...
A. 16 January 2008: It's OK to say you're still affected by this. You say, no regrets. I bet if you dig deep enough you'll find them. You haven't had a boyfriend since, and lie awake thinking about it. All though you're not crying, deep pain sometimes just lies around ... (read in full...)
The ex's other children have no manners and swear profusely..my 3 year old is picking up on this this! Advice?
Q. My ex's other children have no manners and swear profusely. Our 3 year old is now picking up on this. I have tried to keep our relationship friendly for the sake of our son but my ex is more interested in being awkward and making life difficult s...
A. 16 January 2008: This child that's part of both of you, makes it both of your problems.... Tell him to stop being a wimp and step up and be a dad. It's his job as it is yours to protect your children and provide them with an environment that promotes positive growth ... (read in full...)
How does she get rid of this friend, whom she dislikes?
Q. My friend has this problem and she needs help so i thought of posting it out here.Well, she's been friends with this guy for...like....1 year.They were really good friends but now he has been very sensitive for her.She has a boyfriend but that guy ...
A. 16 January 2008: I think you are right when calling him a psycho. If I were her, I'd simply let him know that he can't be a real friend because a real friend doesn't act inappropriate as he is behaving, and definately doesn't make threats to another person.
By this... (read in full...)
My husband told me to sleep with another man, I have and liked it,will we have problems?
Q. my husband, of two years,. has given me permission to have sex with other men. i did not ask him for this, he just told me it was ok one day while we were raking the yard (why, when we were raking the yard...wouldn't bed be a better place...but ...
A. 16 January 2008: So you tell your husband after every time, or just that once. It sounds like he was not giving an open invitation to the whole buffet, just to one dish.
You're taking advantage of your husband. You're putting sexual desire over your marriage, and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has gotten another girl pregnant during our break, how do I cope?
Q. my boyfriend got another girl prenant when we fell out how do i cope we have 3 kids together...
A. 16 January 2008: You can be angry with him for not taking proper precaution, but never take it out on the child that didn't ask to be here. Children need love, and deserves it just as your children do.
What are these breaks anyway. You take breaks from work, etc,... (read in full...)
Could it be depression? The past two years seem to have mounted up, I don't know where I'm standing.
Q. hi guys. i always rely on this site to help me with minor problems but recently so much as been mounting up and it has turned into one big problem. here it is.....: first of all: i dont know whether i have depression or not but i go through ...
A. 16 January 2008: Ellie:
How about some examples of how your parents aren't the most understandable. How is your overall relationship with them? How is their relationship with eachother?
I know you're probably saying, oh no not another one talking about the fa... (read in full...)
She only tolerates the missionary position, saying almost all others hurt. Can this be corrected?
Q. My girlfriend and I have regular sex, averaging once a day. When we do, she prefers a very strict missionary position. She says she has comfort/sensitivity issues and it hurts her in almost every other position. Are there any women who have felt ...
A. 16 January 2008: If the other positions are uncomfortable, you may have to move around a bit to make it comfortable for her. I was with someone we had to do that, she had a tilted (U). Going streight in would cause pain.... (read in full...)
I can’t seem to get the courage to tell her how I feel, as I got hurt in the past for doing this.
Q. Hey I have known this girl for quite a while. I’ve started to have feelings for her, but I don’t know how to tell her. I can’t seem to get the courage because last time I let someone know I liked them I got hurt. I’ve tried writing notes but I ju...
A. 16 January 2008: You take a chance and live. Don't let the past determine now, or you may end up letting opportunity pass you by. Remember, rejection is not about you, it's about someone else's choice. It may just be not the right time. I've even turned down a ... (read in full...)
Underage and having a relationship with a married man! - what do I do?
Q. Im in a relationship with a married man and i think im falling in love with him. I also really want to sleep with him but im under age by three years.please help and give me some advice on what to do....
A. 5 January 2008: Don't have relationships with married men. These situations don't usually end up the way the "other" women wants them too. Find someone who's single to be with. When being with a married man, he's deceiving you by the relationship, and doing the ... (read in full...)
How can I save this relationship?
Q. I have a problem with my gf she is starving me sexually, she is currently pregnancy but the problem started before that. we live together I have spoken to her several times but she is not improving at all. After several argument we decided to have ...
A. 5 January 2008: Cheating is never an option. That takes your personal desires and places them at a higher level than the respect and love you have for her. In six months it will be two years since I've had sexual contact with anyone. It's a goal for myself. I can ... (read in full...)
Is there something I can do to forget what she did with this other guy?
Q. Hello there! I have been with my girlfriend for more than a year now and I love her very much. But recently we had some problems. Once after we had a fight she went to her friend and told him about our problems and cried on his shoulder. He ...
A. 5 January 2008: You'll have to really forgive her. Not just try to move on from it. Why do you feel it's important to imagine what it was like? All though she didn't have sex with him, her behavior was still less than proper. The problem with going and crying on a ... (read in full...)
I cannot call him mine. What am I going to do?
Q. i met this guy with a our common friends, we had a relationship knowing that he is a single..after a few months his wife texted me to inform that my so called bf was married..i ended our relationship that but still he keeps on coming back to me, ...
A. 5 January 2008: The problem I worry about for you is his actions, his being untruthful in the beginning. If he's married and beginning a relationship with you, what would really stop him from doing the same with someone else while you're together. I hear so many ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems to be having commitment issues, please help!
Q. Hi I have had a bit of trouble with my boyfriend lately, he confessed recently he was a little scared of us and how close we had got so quickly, and scared of love, because the only time before he had truly loved it had ended up in a mess. I wa...
A. 4 January 2008: It's not the fact of forgiving the past. It happened, it's an experience, another chapter he's written for life experiences. It's forgiving her for her wrong doing (the actions) and him for his (the actions). We don't actually get stuck, or hung up ... (read in full...)
After 25 years of marriage, he tells me I lack sex abilities and he's having an affair!
Q. My husband and i were due to celebrate 25 years of marriage but he has just told me that he has been having an affair for the last 8 months made easy as he is an international truck driver and is away from home for two weeks at time. He also says ...
A. 4 January 2008: Thank you for the additional information. You've been together for quite a while. This other information you gave about his past helps a bit. It opens up a different idea his behavior could have taken. With this history, how do you think he truely ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend seems to be having commitment issues, please help!
Q. Hi I have had a bit of trouble with my boyfriend lately, he confessed recently he was a little scared of us and how close we had got so quickly, and scared of love, because the only time before he had truly loved it had ended up in a mess. I wa...
A. 3 January 2008: He needs to realize his past relationship was not a mess, it was the incompatibility of the individuals in it. A relationship its self doesn't have the ability to create its self into a mess, it's takes people to do so.
He needs to realize with... (read in full...)
We've dated for a year, but he still talk to his ex-fiance, and I'm concerned. What do you think I should do?
Q. So i have been dating this guy for a year now. Hes been talking to his ex fiance and its driving me nuts!! I'm not sure why they broke up, all i know is when they broke up he wanted his stuff back and she called the cops and lied to them so he would ...
A. 3 January 2008: This really makes me think. What the hell are you thinking??? It seems as if he has a real low respect for you. He may not even have respect no matter who he dates. He cheated on his ex that many times. Tell me, what makes you that much different ... (read in full...)
I'm so obsessed with this teacher at engineering school that it's scary! What should I do?
Q. Hello, Well… I don’t know how to begin. I’m French, so I hope my English is correct and that you will understand me. You’ll probably think my story is common… honestly, I don’t know. I am a nineteen years-old student. In September, I entered an ...
A. 3 January 2008: This is a hard one. We don't have all the answers for complex issues. There's something going on here that you may need to seek professional help. There are crushes, obsessive crushes, then psychotic obsessions. Yours, unfortunately sees as if it ... (read in full...)
Anyone think this might spark her interest?
Q. I'm trying to find ways to get my wife horned up and wanting sex by leaving sex dvd's laying around my room. I have a nice variety and she is home alone on weekends but she doesn't seem interested. I was thinking male masturbation dvd's? Does anyone ...
A. 3 January 2008: If you're trying to spark a guy's interest it would work. Most guys, their ready without the movies. To spark her interest you need to put yourself in her shoes. Women think differently than guys. We're ready most of the time, they seem to like the ... (read in full...)
She told me not to tell anyone, she was having lunch with a male friend..what's the big secret all about?
Q. hi there, my girlfriend is currently in Durban on holiday with her family, i phoned her earlier, and she said she needed my permission for something, so she asked me if she can go out for lunch with 1 of her male friends on Friday, so i said yes she ...
A. 3 January 2008: This is one of those 'It depends', there isn't enough informaiton to make a determination. it could be a secret within their family, maybe their is a history with them and someone else, and getting out may stir up bad feelings. it sounds like it's ... (read in full...)
After 25 years of marriage, he tells me I lack sex abilities and he's having an affair!
Q. My husband and i were due to celebrate 25 years of marriage but he has just told me that he has been having an affair for the last 8 months made easy as he is an international truck driver and is away from home for two weeks at time. He also says ...
A. 2 January 2008: Sex is not love. It's a personal desire to fulfill something we want. To approach working issues out, with sex, would not be what the real issue is.
For those who are really in love, sex is much more than the act of desire, it's connecting with... (read in full...)
He loves me but doesn't trust me! How do I gain his trust?
Q. Im going out with someone and we have recently just told each other that we love each other. The thing is though he cant trust me, how do i gain his trust? ...
A. 2 January 2008: Tell him if he doesn't trust you, then he really doesn't love you. If you haven't given him a reason not to trust you than his behavior needs to change. One main ingredient to a healthy relationship is trust. ... (read in full...)
He's made too may broken promises and he's out of control. What can I do?
Q. I have two kids with a wonderful person, but I am confused whether this is the person for me. Since we have been together, he has made me so many promises, and broken every single one of them. He is really violent, has never laid a finger on me nor ...
A. 2 January 2008: You need to seek help in your area to get out of that situation. This behavior is not good for you and will have a negative impact on your children. Your kids will grow up with low self esteems, lack of respect for other people, learning from him ... (read in full...)
Help! My ex cheated on me but I cant move on after a yr!
Q. Hi im 24 and live in the UK. In 2005 I met my first love. We were together 4 two years. 6months before we broke up he took me 2paris 4my birthday and proposed, then 6 months later he cheated on me. The girl he cheated on me he met a few months ...
A. 2 January 2008: Your fear, your feelings of attachment toward this person who did not treat you well, this tells me you're not ready for any relationship. You need to work on your sense of self. Cheating is not just a sexual act, but it's a direct disrespect of the ... (read in full...)
Newly married..I have accepted my responsibilities...has he?
Q. What can i do to make things right? Me and my partner both 23 got married 2 months ago after being together 2 years. We have a child that is nearly 10 months old. It seems our lives have switched, me being the party going, drinking and shop...
A. 2 January 2008: how long before you got married did you ignore poor behavior from him? this way of being and treatment is not an overnight development, it's slowly progressed for quite a while. many times the changes are so subtle it's hard to recognize them until ... (read in full...)
Why would a man remark the relationship has no future, yet carry on with it?
Q. can anyone explain why my boyfriend says we aint got a future together yet he wont finish with me...
A. 1 January 2008: if he doesn't see a future, why don't you end it. don't you deserve someone who you can have a future with. you don't deserve being in a dead end relationship. if he sees it that way, simply let him know that you just don't see how you can continute ... (read in full...)
Should I break up by email, as it's the easiest method for me?
Q. Hi, i was wondering what is the easiest way to break up with my long time girlfriend? I know face to face is probably the best way but i cannot handle her crying, last time i tried to break it off i couldnt go through with it and took her back. A...
A. 1 January 2008: in person is the way to. they don't call it breaking up because it's an easy task as the one doing it or the one receiving it. Doing it in person shows that all though you don't see being with her you still respect her enough as a person to do it in ... (read in full...)
His parents aren't happy because our familes are from different backgrounds. What can we do?
Q. Hi, I am currently having problems with my boyfriend. Basically, im not sure if im over reacting on an issue that has come up. Me and my partner come from different backgrounds. Im white british and he is british asian. I knew when we started ...
A. 1 January 2008: Respecting them, by not telling them, but disrespecting you because it shows a form of devalue. I wouldn't care who liked who I was with. If I was in love with them, I'd want everyone to know, no matter what their reaction may be.
You say you're f... (read in full...)
Still in love with my first love. Can you help?
Q. Too make a long story short. I am still in love with my ex. We have a 5 yr history but our relationship only lasted 11 months because of his family and my church family not approving. He has a baby on the way but his girlfriend doesn't do anything ...
A. 1 January 2008: Who's relationship is it? Is it yours or your families? Now the church family, I don't know about what church you attend, mine we teach not to judge people, but to help others in need. This is not their decision it's yours. If you're really in love, ... (read in full...)
Did he go too far or is it my fault? I feel somewhat violated although we did not have sex.
Q. Ok this is kind of an awkward question to ask but I need to know. Today I hooked up with this kid. I'm really not very experienced but this seemed odd to me. The minute we started kissing he tried to unzip my pants and made it clear that he wanted ...
A. 1 January 2008: You did OK, there was no penetration. You did more than quite a few girls have done in keeping yourself from having sex. You drew the line, and he knew not to cross it. All though he did dry hump.
You may feel violated because this was some... (read in full...)
He slept with THREE different women while on a road trip. His excuse was "He had needs". I'm very hurt. What should I do?
Q. this past summer my boyfriend went on a month long road trip with his buddies. i stayed home to work for tuition money, so i couldnt go along. he called me everyday and we talked for a while. i never suspected anything bad was going on. but just a ...
A. 1 January 2008: Say goodbye to him. It's time to wrap it up and move on. Sometimes people change and mistakes can be forgiven, but his answer is piss poor. "if you were there" that's not an excuse it transfering blame. A true individual accepts responsibility for ... (read in full...)
New year blues and so full of despair, what can I do to rectify this?
Q. happy new year. thank you for your advice last year concerning "broken hearted (unemployed) and dreading xmas" question.all the advice is invaluable. i celebrated the new year with a couple of friends and although i quite enjoyed the comp...
A. 1 January 2008: Life is all about choice. All though we have obsticals we face, such as a car accident we were in a couple of days ago, lucky just a bit of soreness and no major injury, that was an obstical, but it doesn't change my end direction I choose to ... (read in full...)
We got back together again but I feel like I made a big mistake. Any advice?
Q. i broke up withmy boyfriend of 4 years but we got back together after about 4 weeks now been together a further 3 months, i feel like i made a mistake i really like this guy (who i was seeing whilst we were apart) and i feel like i just need to be ...
A. 1 January 2008: souds as if your a bit confused on which direction to take. Let me tell you a bit about why it's extrememly important to build yourself before bieng with someone else.
I've personally worked with behaviors for 14 years. Studying and analysing how ... (read in full...)
| *cn's friends
These are mutual friends, so *cn has
added them and they have added *cn!
|
