A
male
age
36-40,
*im Morrison
writes:Hello,I have been going out with my girlfriend for about 4 or 5 years now. She is the sweetest girl and is family oriented and a genuinely good person. We went on trips across the country, hung out every day over summers -- basically did everything together. Recently she has been working out at the gym a lot and busy at work. I brought up the issue that she has been working out a lot which is great for her health, but I brought up the issue that she never comes and takes an hour ride to visit me at school. I believe her though, when she says we get more time together if I came back to our hometown on the weekends. But anyways, I'd bring up things like that, or her not wanting to hang out past 10PM with me because she has work the next day. I brought it up only because I love spending time with her, but I believe this has caused her to be agitated and me seeming uncompassionate and demanding. I didn’t mean to come off like that, but now she says she wants space and time. We had fights every week almost, but we always resolved them rather quickly. From my point of view, she was the one who started fights, and it would be on the most insignificant things, but who knows eh?She IMed me today to tell me she was going to call me later on in the night. We talked just for a few minutes, very briefly about how school is going for me and how the gym is going for her, and how she likes the space and not fighting during the holiday season.She says she’s not sick of me, just sick of fighting. She said I can call or text whenever I want but she needs "time n Space"...ill call you soon promise. I told her I can't be happy without her and she says she isn’t happy either but she is sick of fighting. I told her I'll give her space and always be around to answer her call and she said "thank you that means a lot"So to make a long story short, do you think she wants to take a break just to feel things out? Or is she just trying to soften a blow? I couldn’t comprehend my sweet woman playing mind games, but over these two weeks we haven’t talked and I have done a lot of thinking and I regret taking her for granted at times. Thanks a bunch for your time!
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male
reader, Jim Morrison +, writes (30 November 2007):
Jim Morrison is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd most women will make you bang your head on the wall one out of ten times, and when they do, they want to see how you react. If you can take it well, then they will make you bang your head on the wall less! If you dont take it well, well then they make you bang your head on the wall more!
A
male
reader, Jim Morrison +, writes (30 November 2007):
Jim Morrison is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I think I may have her back! Persistance is the key when you don't want to let someone special go. You must go through hoops, and thats the fact of life. I had sent her a letter, then last night I drove 60 miles down to put a festive gift on her windshield. She called me up today real happy sounding, said the gift was real cute, read my letter a few times, and wanted to know when I was coming back home! Whoever said girls are delicate flowers hit the head on the nail! Thats the lesson I learned!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (29 November 2007):
 Jim, there's a chance you didn't give us the whole picture, and I honestly hope so. It would be best if you could come out of the hell you're going through. Honestly, I do hope the facts of life prove me wrong on this one. I know how happy you would be.
However, I notice you're doing what we all do in these cases. You said you're the only one to blame. That is rarely the case. And sometimes no one is to blame; people just fall out of love.
I wish you the best. I hope I'm proven wrong here.
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A
male
reader, Jim Morrison +, writes (29 November 2007):
Jim Morrison is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPerhaps I have painted a wrong picture about her. She has called me a few times, and responds to all of my texts. When we had our 'final argument' she said that she would've married me if I asked her. She also said she still loves me in ways. How can someone who wanted to marry all of a sudden drop it? I wrote her a letter, and explained that everything was all my fault, that the seperation allowed me to reflect and realize that it was my legal troubles and getting kicked out of my old college that had made me mean. I fully took fault for the problems but I assured her that the problems are gone now. The letter should arrive by tommorow and hopefully she will call me when she gets it. I spent a whole day writing it making sure it was perfect, so I dont know we will see
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (27 November 2007):
Rcn noticed an important point: if the fighting is the problem, why won't she discuss the root of it? How can your staying away help to solve the problem? Doesn't she see that the problem would come back when the break is over? This is nonsense if your premise is that she wants to solve the problem, but it makes perfect sense if your starting point is that she doesn't want the relationship anymore. If you want to dump someone, why would you bother to solve any problems you two had?
When you love someone, you find the way to see him or her. It doesn't matter how busy you are, or how far you live, et cetera, because the feeling is there and that gives you a reason to do whatever it takes. For two weeks, after asking for "space", she hasn't found a reason to call you. That speaks volumes.
She dumped you, but chose to tell you the sad news in the most encrypted manner, so that your gut feeling will tell you that something is the huge matter, but her words and actions won't. This is why you're confused.
I wonder why it is that so many people, men or women, think that not being straightforward is a good idea. It brings a lot of misery and pain to the pair involved. I guess people do this because they don't want to take the bull by the horns and give you the unfortunate news. In this case, she knows you love her, and she doesn't want to feel bad by telling you.
Since she has asked for space, give it to her. Don't try to communicate with her, ever. I disagree with rcn in one point: she WON'T try to have coffee or dinner with you. Let her be. Consider it over, and act accordingly. Don't ever try to talk to her, and resist the temptation to apologize or write another handwritten letter, et cetera. Let her be, I insist. You don't need any more rejection, man.
You'll be in a lot of pain. Well, as Frankie sung, "some people get their kicks stomping on a dream. But I don't let it, let it get me down, 'cause this fine old world, it keeps spinning around". You were happy before you met her. You will be happy again, someday. You're young and you'll find someone else. Life is giving you a new beginning, and you've got plenty of time to enjoy yourself.
Just in case, a situation like yours brought me here. I know all the steps.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 November 2007):
 Let me ask you something. She says it's the fighting she needs to get away from. Unfortunatley when you're the one she's fighting with it includes you. So, is the solution, taking a break. That's like a boxer sitting down for a few minutes in between rounds. Wouldn't the solution be to figure out together what's causing this fighting and coming to a compromise in eliminating or lessening the fighting? I don't see that taking a break will be a positive solution. When the break is over, what caused the break in the first place comes back into the relationship.
I'd still give her space, not to push her away, but when you talk ask her to meet up for coffee or dinner and let her know you love her and want to get to the bottom of what's causing these issues so a solution can be developed.
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A
male
reader, Jim Morrison +, writes (27 November 2007):
Jim Morrison is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I talked to her on the phone, she said 'why dontchu give me a call tommorow?' so I am very confused. She makes it seem like she 'wont make the mistake of dating someone like me again' and yet she tells me to call her tommorow? At any rate, I wrote a long handwritten note explaining how unfortunate it is for us to fight over nothing, and if she still wants to stay seperated I dont feel so bad because I made an excellent case in this letter.
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