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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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I gave up the custody of my grandson as my daughter would have troubled us, the man I was dating has "shut off," how do I stop the the constant heartaches, misery and let downs?
Q. I find it hard to ask for help myself though I often help other people, I guess its because Im concerned about being condemmned or made fun of so I hope someone can help. I have had quite a traumatic childhood and adult life so far but things h...
A. 27 November 2007: when I spoke about being positive, I'm talking about how we view things that happen to us. I am a very positive person, I've had obsticals to overcome, and some have been very difficult, but I tend to look past the obstical its self, set up a plan ... (read in full...)
How do I get over how my ex abused me emotionally? He made me feel guilty for not wanting sex before marriage, for ex.
Q. How do I get over what he did to me? I broke up with my fiance a month ago because he was very emotionally abusive. He hasn't been leaving me alone, and though I shouldn't have called him last night, I did because I'm sick of him harassing me on ...
A. 27 November 2007: Remember forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, not does it mean they really deserve the forgiveneess. You forgive them in your heart to clear out the pain they caused you, so you can move on and be happy. You don't need to cary this hate with you, if ... (read in full...)
I was a workaholic and my wife left me, I've turned things around now, how can I convince my wife that I've changed?
Q. My wife of 9 years ask me to leave 9 months ago. She told me that she held on to hope the last couple of years but had finally given up and eventually fell out of love with me. Her reason are that I was disconnected from our family and was not ...
A. 23 November 2007: I think so, don't just take fears as the answer. Ask her what is it she is afraid of. Fears of reverting back is too general. Reading your question and how you talk about your family, I have no doubt but to believe the change you've made is a ... (read in full...)
I need advice on how to cure my mother's depression or get her mind off things. Are there any free councillors?
Q. i'm really stressed someone please help me. My parents have argued a lot but this time it has got really serious. So bad that my dad has said too much and my mum is in extreme severe depression and at a point where she cant even control her own ...
A. 23 November 2007: I hope you understand this. Sometimes when dealing with real mental issues, we want a ready answer, but at times there isn't any. This is beyond your control aside from doing what you're doing now. Did she just take the anti-depressant this morning? ... (read in full...)
This is my second question about ex at the gym..please answer Richard
Q. I first posted my question on Nov 12th and got a response from richard,,,Pls respond back to me. Ok its day 10 after my last question about this....I miss him like crazy and i did excatly what Richard said to do..not sure if it worked..Yeste...
A. 23 November 2007: I think he's a bit jealous. Even though he's your ex, I can't be for sure if he wants to return to the relationship, but guys to get jealous seeing someone they had intimate times with handing around or being shown interest by another male. You see ... (read in full...)
I'm not horney any more, is it normal
Q. i used to be horny all the time when i was with my last boyfriend. i then started finding him unattractive and never wanted to do anythin with him for a long time. its been months and months since i was last THAT horny. now im with my new boyfriend ...
A. 22 November 2007: NO, it's not normal, but what is normal is how stress and worry affects certain abilities, in your case (sexual) You said it in your writing, as soon as he attempts to get close you begin to worry. That can definitely affect your experience.
Learn... (read in full...)
I cheated, it will never happen again, but the guilt is driving me crazy, how can I go on like this?
Q. Hi everybody....Im coming to you a as a cheater. I feel like such a horrible person. Although I know Im not, I made one terrible mistake. The worst I have ever made in my life. I have been with my GF for a little over 3 years, and cheated on ONE ...
A. 22 November 2007: I'm sure if you've read some of my answers, you'd find why I believe in telling someone when you cheat. You have half that say don't and half that say do. I don't tell people to do that so they get in trouble or break hearts, I do so, so this guilt ... (read in full...)
My husband shows zero affection towards me... Am I entitled to divorce him or should I stay for the kids?
Q. I have not been happily married for about 10 years, but no one would ever know. Through the years, we have had UPS and DOWNS. I have been to marriage counceling ALONE several times to save our marriage. He will not go. My husband is not ...
A. 21 November 2007: It all depends on if you're talking religion or legal. Legal you have grounds. I'm not going to give religious advise. Legally it's called "loss of consortion". That's the failure to give love and affection.
I think, other than the kids, you woul... (read in full...)
My husband always yells about how I raise the kids
Q. ive been married for 11months ihave 2 children from a first marraige and a 2year old from this one. my husband is always dissagring with the way i bring up the children, how can i get him to sit and talk with me rather then shouting at me, saying ...
A. 21 November 2007: And does he think shouting at you is healthy for the children? You'll have to tell him how you feel about this. The way I'd do it is when he says that, say "We don't have to talk about it, how about I talk, you listen."... (read in full...)
There's no trust and we keep fighting! Help!
Q. Hello, I’m 22, just finished university and have been in relationships for almost all of the last 7 years. I have cheated on each boyfriend besides the latest one for the same reason – I became bored and/or unattracted to them, realised the ...
A. 21 November 2007: That sure took a while to read. I'm going to address the issues I can remember. I'll apologize a head of time if I miss anything. First, the cheating. You have a history of, with him and before. The way to prove yourself is not put yourself in ... (read in full...)
My lover is taking trips with her ex alone, is that right?
Q. I am a lesbian, I am dating a Bisexual woman of 9 months. She remains friends with an ex boyfrined from a relationship for a year. Now they are planning trips to Haiwai and Las vegas alone. She gets jeaulous if I hang out with friends. Do I have a ...
A. 21 November 2007: I think her intentions could be questioned. I wouldn't approach in an upset way. Try to get her to see your side and why you're uncomfortable with this situation.... (read in full...)
Doctor said I might have syphilis or Lupus, when I called to check they were rude and wouldn't return my calls. I'm very confused as to what to do.
Q. O.K. this is very complicated,I am ten weeks pregnant,10 days ago my ob-gyn told me my blood work came back suspicious,so I basically have syphilis or Lupus. She said she would rush the blood work and I would no something by the 4th day,when I call ...
A. 20 November 2007: Call them back and let them know you need to speak to the lab. if they are rude again, let them know they can either provide you with the information you you'd file a complaint, and request the Health Department contact them and request the ... (read in full...)
I woke up next to my bf's best friend, I cant remember anything, now he's blackmailing me for sex, what can I do?
Q. Help me please! i am so lost i have been with my boyfriend now for 3 years and love him with all my heart but on friday night i had way too much too drink and my bf went to work the next morning i woke up in bed with his best friend but i dont rem...
A. 19 November 2007: This is a real difficult situation. First, STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM. This is his friend, no I don't think so. Also let him know when you do, black mailing in exchange for sex is a prosecutable offense. He could tell your boyfriend. But he can also ... (read in full...)
Lost love found after 30 years.
Q. 30 years ago, I had the most wonderful girlfriend. She was three years younger than me. We were best friends and complimented each other so well. We really expected to live a normal life, by getting married and having a family. I loved her more than ...
A. 19 November 2007: That is simply amazing. Good luck to the both of you. I wish you many happy years together. Take care.... (read in full...)
We played truth or dare, what did my wife get up to?
Q. Hi. A bunch of us (about 12-14 people) were playing Truth or Dare a week ago at our house. My wife and I are happily married for a few years, and this is not the first time we have had 'semi-wild' parties (read, not swinger parties, just 'fun' ...
A. 18 November 2007: I'd say, definitely something she doesn't want to tell you. The way she answered says it all.
The two of you need to sit down and discuss this. Even if it's not what you want to hear, knowing is better than her acting guilty and you carrying the ... (read in full...)
Have I gotten into a serious relationship too young? It's been 5 yrs together, but recently I slept with a teacher whom I accidentally met on net.
Q. I'm sorry this is so long! I'm 18 years old and I've been wth my boyfriend for 5 years. He's the same age as me. We've spoken about marriage and I love him so very much. However, about 9 months ago I met this guy when he added me on msn by accident ...
A. 18 November 2007: You may have gotten into a relationship too young. You may have to give up on the teacher. I hate to say it this way, but it sounds like he got what he wanted then moved on. What makes it even harder is in order to carry on with your boyfriend, if ... (read in full...)
My husband wants to forgive me for cheating but I'm not sure I will be able to change. What shall I do?
Q. I'm going to try to make this as short and sweet (ahem) as possible. I'm also going to ask for no slaughter type replies, as my self esteem is shot, and I obviously have many issues...(you will see why). I'm a 44 year old woman, married for 18 ...
A. 18 November 2007: So you're not sure if you'll be able to change, or you don't want to change? Your husband really is a good man to put up with what these behaviors put him through. He's willing to stick with you for counseling. I'd take him up on that offer. He'd be ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to sleep with other people while you are on a break?
Q. If a person sleeps with someone else, while you are on a break, and also has feelings for the new person AND you as well. Does it count as cheating? Is it right to get back with that person after this has happened? Should the fact that they slept ...
A. 18 November 2007: Yes, it is cheating. A break doesn't mean break up. I wouldn't get back with someone who did that and had feelings for both. Being in a relationship shouldn't be a competition with another person. That just sets it up for failure. I'd just walk away ... (read in full...)
What do I do to get him to listen.
Q. oki so im dying inside becuase my boyfriend doesnt even want to look at me because of all teh shame he had put apon me and my daughter for what hes put us through. Being a addict so he goes to get help for crack buts still drinks alot, and hasnt ...
A. 18 November 2007: He's an addict, there's not much you can do to get him to listen to you. It's hard, but sometimes the best thing is to let them go and pray some day they get the help they need for themselves. You don't need to put yourself or your daughter through ... (read in full...)
Is it cheating when a wife exchanges expensive gifts and dates another man, even if they never had sex.
Q. A married woman dates a man who is not her husband and for Christmas gives him a gift of a Playstation and two games while accepting an expensive watch in return. She never had sex with this man, but has embraced him and seen him behind her ...
A. 18 November 2007: Sex or no sex, cheating can be physical or emotional. Dating and seeing a guy behind the back of her husband, would be considered cheating. She's pulling her emotions and desires from the one she's married to and sharing them with another who she is ... (read in full...)
My ex is pregnant, has agreed to a abortion and I have no problem with it, am I a bad person
Q. I broke up with my ex as i found information she was cheating on me. she denies it and still does a month later (she was telling another guy "i love you"). the problem now is that she is pregnant. apparently the docs were able to tell her the exact ...
A. 18 November 2007: You mentioned her changing her mind when the decision time came up with adoption. You can sign a contract which if her mind was changed that would still relieve you of responsibility. It's a way of terminating your rights if the original agreement ... (read in full...)
My ex is pregnant, has agreed to a abortion and I have no problem with it, am I a bad person
Q. I broke up with my ex as i found information she was cheating on me. she denies it and still does a month later (she was telling another guy "i love you"). the problem now is that she is pregnant. apparently the docs were able to tell her the exact ...
A. 16 November 2007: Here is what does make you wrong in your thinking. If you don't want children, now or in the future, then you don't insert part A into part B.
You are an extremely self centered person. In all of this, you only talk about how you don't want a chil... (read in full...)
I'm abused by my own family.
Q. Hi, please help me! My family hit me and honestly i'm sick and tierd of it what am i mean to do? How can i stop this happening? My brother beats me up the most and my mum or dad or sisters don't say anything to him he always hits me hard i've got ...
A. 16 November 2007: What needs to happen is getting you out of that environment. You must have access to a computer, or you wouldn't be able to ask for help here. I looked up a site for you in the UK called Contact Childline. ... (read in full...)
I'm divorcing my husband. Will I be able to love again?
Q. Im divorcing my husband. We've been married for 22 years and have a daughter. Our marriage has up and down and I've been trying very hard to save it. It's so painful to make the decision to end it. At 45 I suddenly realised life is too short I ...
A. 16 November 2007: Go to a psychologist. What you are experiencing is called blocks, or red flags. Our brains enable protection from elements known to cause harm. In your marriage you had a hard time at love, and a difficult time trying to salvage the little bit your ... (read in full...)
I'm divorcing my husband. Will I be able to love again?
Q. Im divorcing my husband. We've been married for 22 years and have a daughter. Our marriage has up and down and I've been trying very hard to save it. It's so painful to make the decision to end it. At 45 I suddenly realised life is too short I ...
A. 16 November 2007: Go to a psychologist. What you are experiencing is called blocks, or red flags. Our brains enable protection from elements known to cause harm. In your marriage you had a hard time at love, and a difficult time trying to salvage the little bit your ... (read in full...)
A newlywed needing advice.
Q. Hi I really need advice. Im just newlywed, under a month and already with stress that I cannot cope with. My husband and I are to move to the States because of his job contract which is fine. He is away down in the states for a week to est...
A. 16 November 2007: Be very very careful with your husband. How long were you dating before getting married? This abrupt behavior, then not acknowledging it is an early sign of abuse. He behavior was uncalled for in the way he talked to you. You need to get this issue ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to tell my bf I'm pregnant. I'm 16 and he's currently in another country until June.
Q. A little help here guys? Okay im 16 years old and 4 weeks ago my boyfriend moved to another country, to be back sometime between January and June!! BIG problem. Today i found out, im six weeks pregnant, definatley my boyfriends i...
A. 15 November 2007: See, guys sometimes turn out OK and happy when they know they're going to be a father. Best of luck to you.... (read in full...)
I want my abusive ex to say sorry but should I just leave it be?
Q. About 3 months ago I ended my relationship with my bf because he was abusive. But I still feel I have so many things I need to say to him. At the time I was to scared of him to say why I was breaking up...I could barely face him. But now I'm not ...
A. 15 November 2007: What more do you really want? Trying to get an abuser to admit they were wrong and apologize and have them mean it without an alternative agenda, that would be just wishful thinking.
I wouldn't worry much about him, keep working on yourself. Buil... (read in full...)
I want my abusive ex to say sorry but should I just leave it be?
Q. About 3 months ago I ended my relationship with my bf because he was abusive. But I still feel I have so many things I need to say to him. At the time I was to scared of him to say why I was breaking up...I could barely face him. But now I'm not ...
A. 15 November 2007: What more do you really want? Trying to get an abuser to admit they were wrong and apologize and have them mean it without an alternative agenda, that would be just wishful thinking.
I wouldn't worry much about him, keep working on yourself. Buil... (read in full...)
I want my abusive ex to say sorry but should I just leave it be?
Q. About 3 months ago I ended my relationship with my bf because he was abusive. But I still feel I have so many things I need to say to him. At the time I was to scared of him to say why I was breaking up...I could barely face him. But now I'm not ...
A. 15 November 2007: What more do you really want? Trying to get an abuser to admit they were wrong and apologize and have them mean it without an alternative agenda, that would be just wishful thinking.
I wouldn't worry much about him, keep working on yourself. Buil... (read in full...)
I want my abusive ex to say sorry but should I just leave it be?
Q. About 3 months ago I ended my relationship with my bf because he was abusive. But I still feel I have so many things I need to say to him. At the time I was to scared of him to say why I was breaking up...I could barely face him. But now I'm not ...
A. 15 November 2007: What more do you really want? Trying to get an abuser to admit they were wrong and apologize and have them mean it without an alternative agenda, that would be just wishful thinking.
I wouldn't worry much about him, keep working on yourself. Buil... (read in full...)
Was he emotionally abusive to me? Never wanting to talk about issues that bothered me?
Q. Was it abusive that my ex wouldn't do counseling with me since I think he was emotionally abusive and we argued all the time? He just said he thought I was bipolar, and until I got on medicine he wouldn't consider counseling. I feel like this was ...
A. 15 November 2007: you are extremely confused and need to give further information to really know what was going on here. ... (read in full...)
What to do to make everyone happy.
Q. I love this guy and I recently told him that i did. However he is going out with my friend. He says he still ant to be friends but now his girlfriend has read the text i sent him telling him and is ignoring me. So he now ignores me in front of her ...
A. 15 November 2007: you'll have to wait this one out, or talk to him when she is not around. At your age, with not much relationship experience, writing stuff like that which can be seen by others, you present a threat to his girlfriend. In the future, don't tell a guy ... (read in full...)
Would it be terriable to have sex with him?
Q. I known it is wrong, and i probably shouldn't do it, but A everygood guy friend of mine. WHo happens to be a virgin, whats to lose his virginity and have girlfriend. I am in a good relationship and i love the guy alot. The only thing is i've had a ...
A. 15 November 2007: Well, if you're dating someone all ready, and say you love him, then yes it would be extremely wrong to do that. If you love someone then you really don't need to see if there's a connection.
If you do decide to CHEAT. End it with your boyf... (read in full...)
Infidelity forgiven, now she is pregnant what do I do?
Q. I have been seeing a man for a while and I love him very much. I know beyond a doubt that he loves me too. He came to me about a month ago and confessed an infidelity and begged my forgiveness. I thought about it and realized that the bottom line ...
A. 15 November 2007: Sometimes when people have an affair 9 months later comes the real affect of doing so. I believe the hardest part of this is having yet another lady possibly be part of your life. Now you mentioned you really love your boyfriend? If you do then ... (read in full...)
How can I convince him.
Q. Ok so I want to have a female-female-male 3some with my girlfriend and another girl. but she says she wont have a ffm 3some with me unless i have a male-male-female threesome with her... i dont want to have a mmf 3some but i really want to have a ...
A. 15 November 2007: She says that because she probably doesn't want either. There are people who date who really don't want to share the person they are with, with someone else. ... (read in full...)
He doesn't believe I am a virgin, how can I convince him?
Q. Me and my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years have just started having sex this year. With my past boyfriend(s), I didn't have sex.My boyfriend Im with now seems to think I lost my virginity way before me and him started going together just because my "cherry" ...
A. 15 November 2007: The hymen doesn't always pop as in what people seem to think. It depends on the person. Not all first times are the same.... (read in full...)
She doesn't like oral sex.
Q. I've been dating this girl and we've had sex a few times, one thing I noticed is that she hasn't come. Although Ive ask her why she says is very common, she still likes the sex but it's very hard for her to come and when she does is depending on the ...
A. 15 November 2007: I'm questioning weather this is an authentic question.... (read in full...)
Any thoughts on giving advice.
Q. Heyyyy I really like this site do you know one thing wen i am older i want to set up my own site and give people advice they want and also to write poems for people to see have you got any advice for me i am 12 years old and still at school could ...
A. 15 November 2007: Stay in school. Live in the way you advise. It's not a good idea to give advise on how to stop drinking alcohol when your typing the message drunk from drinking.
And when advising on relationships. If you feel they're just being lazy as to why thei... (read in full...)
My partner has accepted my child as his own. Should I tell the real father about the child?
Q. I've only recently registered with facebook and I've managed to trace the father of my first child. I have 2 children now (1 by the person on facebook and a 2nd by my current partner, who has accepted my 1st child as his own). I know deep dow...
A. 14 November 2007: I'm going to disagree with the last poster. It is in the best interest of the child to let the biological father know. He may want to take care of his end and build a relationship, or he may decide it's too much for him, and sign his rights over so ... (read in full...)
In love with the man I'm having an emotional affair with, but don't have the strength to leave my husband.
Q. I've been having an emotional affair with a guy i work with for 4 years, we email all the time. he also sees someone we both work with. I am married. I am in love with him, but don't have the strength to leave my husband.Any advice?...
A. 14 November 2007: If I was having an emotional affair with someone, who would just up and leave their husband. That would tell me to turn the other direction and run. And this other man is seeing someone too, and having this emotional affair. So I guess he finds ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid to tell my bf I'm pregnant. I'm 16 and he's currently in another country until June.
Q. A little help here guys? Okay im 16 years old and 4 weeks ago my boyfriend moved to another country, to be back sometime between January and June!! BIG problem. Today i found out, im six weeks pregnant, definatley my boyfriends i...
A. 13 November 2007: He said he'd be all right with it. I'd just tell him. He deserves to know. I know it's not a mistake, but in a way your fear treats it as such. Don't be fearful and treat this moment as something special the two of you will have this gift to share ... (read in full...)
I gave up the custody of my grandson as my daughter would have troubled us, the man I was dating has "shut off," how do I stop the the constant heartaches, misery and let downs?
Q. I find it hard to ask for help myself though I often help other people, I guess its because Im concerned about being condemmned or made fun of so I hope someone can help. I have had quite a traumatic childhood and adult life so far but things h...
A. 9 November 2007: I know you must be saying, easier said than done. I would too if I was just reading some weird guy saying be positive take action. That's what I tole myself 7 years ago, when I had a suicide level depression and I was drinking a bottle or rum every ... (read in full...)
Lost love found after 30 years.
Q. 30 years ago, I had the most wonderful girlfriend. She was three years younger than me. We were best friends and complimented each other so well. We really expected to live a normal life, by getting married and having a family. I loved her more than ...
A. 9 November 2007: Your story absolutely overwhelmed me. Such a wonderful connection the two of you must have, and to have it last all these years. I really wish the both of you the best. I'd say after 30 years, bring all of it, I don't think you'll overwhelm her. It ... (read in full...)
Lost love found after 30 years.
Q. 30 years ago, I had the most wonderful girlfriend. She was three years younger than me. We were best friends and complimented each other so well. We really expected to live a normal life, by getting married and having a family. I loved her more than ...
A. 9 November 2007: Your story absolutely overwhelmed me. Such a wonderful connection the two of you must have, and to have it last all these years. I really wish the both of you the best. I'd say after 30 years, bring all of it, I don't think you'll overwhelm her. It ... (read in full...)
I gave up the custody of my grandson as my daughter would have troubled us, the man I was dating has "shut off," how do I stop the the constant heartaches, misery and let downs?
Q. I find it hard to ask for help myself though I often help other people, I guess its because Im concerned about being condemmned or made fun of so I hope someone can help. I have had quite a traumatic childhood and adult life so far but things h...
A. 8 November 2007: You've had a difficult life. Now it's never time to give up on life. It's also never time to do self harm. Now, what we learn from our parents can determine our actions as an adult. When growing up like you had, now that you're an adult, it's up to ... (read in full...)
How do I get over how my ex abused me emotionally? He made me feel guilty for not wanting sex before marriage, for ex.
Q. How do I get over what he did to me? I broke up with my fiance a month ago because he was very emotionally abusive. He hasn't been leaving me alone, and though I shouldn't have called him last night, I did because I'm sick of him harassing me on ...
A. 7 November 2007: He is such a manipulator. He got you when you were together trying to get you to compromise your wish of waiting, then when your apart, he's doing the same by "all of a sudden" seeing things the same way.
You should really be grateful that you two ... (read in full...)
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