Like what
he writes?
... Add *cn to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
|
|
| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
|
My bf's ex-gf is psycho? And now, I'm going nutty..help me out here!
Q. I don't know where to begin. I have had alot of bad relationships. I know what you're supposed to say and not say. Pretty much I always get sick of how people treat me and then I just act like them and I can't help it. I hate myself cause I like do ...
A. 21 January 2008: I think you really have a good grasp on these behaviors and recognizing how they are not OK and can cause problems and also really destroy relationships. That's good. What is not is there is too much transferance going on here. That's where these ... (read in full...)
My bf's ex-gf is psycho? And now, I'm going nutty..help me out here!
Q. I don't know where to begin. I have had alot of bad relationships. I know what you're supposed to say and not say. Pretty much I always get sick of how people treat me and then I just act like them and I can't help it. I hate myself cause I like do ...
A. 20 January 2008: First of all, you do belong, if there wasn't part of you that believe that, you wouldn't be on here asking for help. He needs to get out of your life. Not because you don't love him, just that you can't jeprodize the possible safety of your ... (read in full...)
What is a good lie I can use so my forbidden love can visit my house?
Q. I have no problem with my parents.They don't care what's going on either way. But my girlfriend's parents absolutely HATE me. They have no issue with me coming over there, but I would love to spend some time with her at my house. The issue is, they ...
A. 20 January 2008: Find out why her parents feel this way, and address the issues. Running around hiding, all though it's not a good choice to lie, is no way to have a relationship. I agree with the other poster about her being over 18 and making her own decisions. ... (read in full...)
Is it right to date your step sister?
Q. is it right to date your step sister? things were good until i think sm found out a few years ago. i was in the military this has been an issue for 20 years. i never married she married 4 times when things go bad she comes to me. when things are ...
A. 20 January 2008: It's not against the law to marry a step sibling. What I would look at is her track record. Sounds as if she's having difficulty maintaining a positive relationship. This may cause a problem. If the two of you don't work out, she's still your step ... (read in full...)
What if the grass isn't greener on the other side?
Q. Need a little advice...it may be long. I apologize in advance, but it's best to tell the whole story. Okay, I am in over my head...I have this absolutely wonderful boyfriend who i would never deliberately hurt, but about a month ago a good...
A. 20 January 2008: Too bad you can't just take the two and merger them into one. What I'm worried about, as far as any decision, is his love you, then be cold toward you. This shows (all though responsible) fear of commitment or difficulty in starting or making ... (read in full...)
I have cheating husband with debt --what should I do?
Q. I know my husband from age 15 but we dated for almost 12years before we got married. Married for 6 years. Recently i found out that he sent a vedio clip with love song to this girl and some communications with this girl. I asked him at that time he ...
A. 20 January 2008: Speak to someone in your country who is in law. No it's not a guy thing. You're husband is a very selfish person. He seems to want what he wants with no responsibility for who gets hurt by this behavior.
I know here, if I was looking at your case... (read in full...)
I cant tell him I've been sleeping with his best friend!
Q. about 4 years ago i met this lad and fell head over heels in love with him i flirted my ass off but he was still a virgin and wouldnt make a move .We were both very stuborn and wouldnt make the first move, Now i live with his bestfriend who has been ...
A. 19 January 2008: Your right, you can't tell him your sleeping with the best friend because he's being an ass. That would be a lie. You're sleeping with the best friend because you made a choice to cheat. His being an ass has absolutely no ability to cause sex as a ... (read in full...)
We were to be married but he dropped me for a woman with money! Can love be sold out for money?
Q. I belong from a very conservative country where people still believe in caste and religion. I was in a relationship with this guy from last 4 years. He was from a higher caste than me. He always knew but he said he doesn't believe in all this and ...
A. 19 January 2008: You may live in a different country, and have different beliefs, but one thing that doesn't have different cultures is the chance of being treated bad.
I'd let it go. I'd find someone who will love you back the way you love them. Trading money for ... (read in full...)
Am I crazy to think he's on the verge of starting an affair?
Q. I am a 21 year old girl I have been married for only a year, my husband and I have been together for 4 1/2 years. Throughout our relationship we have had several issues with him flirting with other girls, chatting online inappropriately, hiding ...
A. 19 January 2008: Having a gut feeling means he has given your reason to suspect the possibility of this taking place. A marriage is a true commitment between two people. It's about compromise, making the other person feel secure and loved within the boundaries of ... (read in full...)
Do I help him because I feel sorry for him? Should I give this up?
Q. I've been dating a man for close to a year. We met when one of my friends was dating him. Things didn't work out between them and we didn't talk for about a year. We began dating at the end of my high school senior year (the same school he ...
A. 19 January 2008: You should have given up the fight a long time ago. Not with him, but with your family. It sounds like it's difficult to put themselves in his shoes. Working since age 14, that shows ambition, and it shows a willingness to do what it takes to make ... (read in full...)
Neen advice on how to deal with my 16 year old nephew who is troubled.
Q. My 16yo nephew who is living with his grandparents is being verbally abusive towards them as well as my wife and her sister (his mother). This all started a few months ago when he decided he didn't want to live with his mother and her new husband ...
A. 19 January 2008: Look at his history. He's not living with parents. Mom has a new husband, who's not the father, and he chooses not to live with his father. A bit more history on why they got divorced, why kind of life was it living with both the father and mother. ... (read in full...)
He says they're just friends. Am I wrong to be upset by this?
Q. I have been going out with my boyfriend for over 3 months now and we have become very close. I really care about him and he's nicer than any other man I have met. About a year ago he lost his girlfriend and he is very close to her sister who had set ...
A. 19 January 2008: Yes and no. It's not OK to control who people are friends with and who they are not. It's OK for him to feel love for someone who really helped him out in this manner. That love is different from a love of a boyfriend, girlfriend. Holding his hand ... (read in full...)
How can I meet and date guys in a new state?
Q. Hello all, I am a 23 year old female graduate student in a clinical psychology program. I am a first year out of state student, and I dont have any one that I am very close to in the city. The only people I know are my 12 classmates 4 of which are ...
A. 19 January 2008: You're only 23 years old. Your life hasn't even begun yet. First of all, be proud that you're still a virgin. The problem I found in younger girls who loose their virginity the get "screwed over" is at 13 +, they begin developing real adult ... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so paranoid when he is so good to me?
Q. I know a lot of people will read this and instantly get confused and maybe even mad at the idea that i feel so paranoid and insecure..but i can't change the way i feel. I have the most amazing boyfriend, he does mean the world to me and at 20 I a...
A. 19 January 2008: Sory to hear about your past and how you're being affected. All though there's quite a bit of information that goes a long with this type of pain. I'll highlight what's going on and give you a direction to begin. There are two separate issues and ... (read in full...)
What do you do when your life is going all wrong but you cover it up and act like everything is okay?
Q. what do you do when your life is going all wrong but to cover it up you fake a smile and act like its all, all right? see i have this boyfriend named Dylan hes suppost to be my love and everything but hes always agreeing with Joe. see Joe always ...
A. 18 January 2008: Your boyfriend needs to stop agreeing with his friends when they spread untruths. If their always saying bad about you and others, it sounds as if they're the ones with big mouths. Talking about other people is not cool. Personally I wouldn't want ... (read in full...)
I thought going participating in a lap dancing session would be fun with my husband, now I'm jealous, how can I deal with this?
Q. hi, my husband and i have been married a couple of years and have recently had a new baby(4months). it was a significant birthday for him at the weekend and he asked if we could go to a pole dancing club, i said yes, though inside felt alit...
A. 18 January 2008: All though it was erotically based. You both did it just for fun, no extended attachment to the ladies. Your jealousy comes from you, not the situation. You just had a baby and now there's an erotic dancer naked. I think with the new baby, you may ... (read in full...)
I thought going participating in a lap dancing session would be fun with my husband, now I'm jealous, how can I deal with this?
Q. hi, my husband and i have been married a couple of years and have recently had a new baby(4months). it was a significant birthday for him at the weekend and he asked if we could go to a pole dancing club, i said yes, though inside felt alit...
A. 18 January 2008: All though it was erotically based. You both did it just for fun, no extended attachment to the ladies. Your jealousy comes from you, not the situation. You just had a baby and now there's an erotic dancer naked. I think with the new baby, you may ... (read in full...)
Should I accept this sitatuation?
Q. I have a very rare situation here. For 6 years I have worked in the adult industry where I well have to do things with other men and woman for $$ My fiance has stuck through with me all these years and cause he believed that he was allowed to do op...
A. 17 January 2008: What a story. I think if you wrote down the details of your relationship, you could sell the movie rights. This would make one heck of a drama.
Lets look at the facts you listed. (1) you're in a job (2) you do sexual acts with men other than your... (read in full...)
What can my husband claim from me?
Q. i need to know what my husband can claim from me.married for 7 yrs now he is with someone else he says he is taking back what he has put into the house.the house was puchased by me before we met so is not classed as the matrimoial home(i live in ...
A. 17 January 2008: Scottland I hear is a beautiful place. I hope one day to visit the country. I am not familier with Scottland laws. Is his name on the deed to the property as well, or just yours?
Now, in some countries he wouldn't have any claim. He chose to upgr... (read in full...)
Working in telesales but not hitting my targets
Q. I wonder if anyone can help. I have been working in telesales for the past 8 years and I'm not reaching targets. I'm finding that Sales may not be the career for me. However, due to the poor wage I earn, and financial commitments I have, I'm unable ...
A. 17 January 2008: education part time outside of work.
Get a co worker who does do well sit down with you, view what you're doing and assist you on changing it.... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my 3 year old son playing with himself?
Q. Hi, I have a 3 year old son, and he has been masturbating, and telling me he likes to play with his tagger and that it feels nice, is this normal for him to be doing this at this age, and also i do i deal with it? Thanks....
A. 17 January 2008: Just let him play away. Scolding him for a natural action may cause later issues in having a healthy sexual relationship with another. I heard boys even grab a bit before their born.
Take care.... (read in full...)
I'm a single mom and out of ideas...
Q. I am a single mum with 12 and 10 year old sons. I work and on WTC. My ex won't pay the maintenance so I fight constantly with the CSA, he has seen the kids twice in 7 yrs. I get very little support from my family. I am bored, lonely, skint, ...
A. 17 January 2008: I know counseling sometimes doesn't work, mainly because there is no real fix asside from what we do ourselves. The system stinks, it needs to be torn apart and rebuild and maybe meeting the needs of current times would be a nice start.
You've had ... (read in full...)
Could she be wetting herself because she's a deep sleeper?
Q. My 5 year old daughter is still very wet at night (the same as when she was a baby). We've tried everthing and nothing seems to change. We've done: Stopping taking fluids after 4:30pm. Toilet before bedtime and lifting her at 11pm as well. Lo...
A. 17 January 2008: First of all 4:30 is a bit early for a child to no longer have a drink. They loose liquid quite a bit faster than adults. Take her to a doctor to get checked. My daughter had the same problem for a while. She went to the doctor and we found out she ... (read in full...)
Having problems teaching my little girl about toilet hygiene
Q. I am writing because I feel like such a bad parent. I have a fantastic little girl, she is 5. She is outgoing, very self confident, resilient, happy go lucky and quite a character. She has also always been popular with her friends. We have a ...
A. 17 January 2008: Your not a bad parent. I have three daughters and one son. Every single one of them had the wiping difficulty at 5. Just keep on reminding her. She'll get it.... (read in full...)
Grandson doesn't seem to stay in his own bed all night
Q. My daughter of 30 and my 4yrs 8mths grandson live at home with me and my husband. For the past two years my grandson hasn't woken up in his own bed. I have spoken to my daughter on and off in the respect that it would be good to try and encourage ...
A. 17 January 2008: It's not the best to interfere with a parent and a child. By doing so, the parent feels as if they are less adequate to take care of their child, and the child seeing that starts to see their parent with less authority as well. Aparently you see ... (read in full...)
How do you handle child swearing?
Q. I just received custody of my 2 1/2 old Granddaughter. She has a bad a habit of using a bad word when she gets angry. I know she is missing her parents right now and she probably just acting out, but how do I stop her from using bad words. I tell ...
A. 17 January 2008: Work with her on positive direction of her anger. Assure her, it's OK to be angry, but instead of using this bad word, let's try something else. It's just a matter of retraining her to respond different.... (read in full...)
When can a child make their own decisions on visitations?
Q. MY NAME IS **** I HAVE A 14 YEAR OLD STEP DAUGHTER BUT HER MUM MY EX SAID SHE CANT SEE ME ANYMORE BUT I HAVE HEARD WHEN YOU TURN A CERTAIN AGE THE CHILD CAN NOT BE STOPED CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME IF THIS IS TRUE THANKYOU C...
A. 17 January 2008: My guess is you're not the biological father to this child? Let me ask a few questions, prior to being able to give any kind of beneficial answer. (1) Does she have contact with her biological father? (2) How long have you been separated? (3) How ... (read in full...)
I feel so lonely and feel as though we a drifting apart.Am I being stupid or do you think spliting up would be for the best thing?
Q. ive been with my boyfriend for over a year. we were both working when we first started dating. after a couple of months he lost his job, a month later i had to give mine up due to some problems at home. since then we both found it hard to get back ...
A. 17 January 2008: So you're all ready not spending much time together, and you want to split up where you're not together at all. You're not being selfish. You did grow into the idea of him being around all the time, which you'd need to work on a bit. Ask him this... (read in full...)
She's depressed and doesn't want me with her. What should I do as I know she's not thinking clearly?
Q. I am with my girl friend for 3 years and now i want to marry her, but she says she is not ready and she needs some time. I have left my parents, my country everything for her just to be with her. Since last 12years she was taking depression tablets ...
A. 17 January 2008: I agree with the other poster, with anxieties and fears. There must be something more going on that a bit of depression for her to break down every time she's joked with. I just read up on variations of depressive disorders. It sounds like one of t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets angry if I ask for us to move in together
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 18 months now, I am 25 and he is 30- still living at home with his mum. He does hate living with her and Im never invited over there. Have slept there once. He stays at my place about 3 times a week, but then likes ...
A. 17 January 2008: Two examples. There are three main types of dependency. (1) dependent-relying on others (2) independent- doing on one's own (3) interdependent- working together to accomplish a common end result.
Second example: There are three types of people in t... (read in full...)
Pregnant , with my bf but why do I keep thinking of an ex bf who I was with for 9 years.
Q. Hi I am in my mid twenty's I have been with my b/f for little over a year and I am pregnant with his child but I still think a Lot about my ex which I was with for 9 years is it love or not? ...
A. 17 January 2008: I still think of my ex's too from time to time. All though they didn't work out, you can't turn off memories or how the relationship its self impacted where you may be today. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is best friends with both of his ex's and it upsets me!
Q. I need help!!! my boyfriend is best friends with both of his ex's (yes there are two and they both have boyfriends) and it really upsets me. I don't want to be the type of girlfriend that doesn't allow him to be friends with whoever he wants but ...
A. 17 January 2008: So you have a very strong relationship, but your on here asking this question. Why does his past upset you. Are you upset because of him loosing his virginity to this gal, or is it because your jealous that it wasn't you who shared that experience ... (read in full...)
Part 2--Could a guy have sex with someone and totally not remember it happening the next day?
Q. This is an addition to the question I posted yesterday, which can be seen here: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/could-a-guy-have-sex-with-someone-and.html The girl that slept with my friend's boyfriend called me today and she said that sin...
A. 17 January 2008: The hard part here is the children involved. Six years old, she must be a kindergarden or first grade student. I'd talk to the teacher and see if they notice any negative behavioral signs. Kids who are molested are not open about just discussing it, ... (read in full...)
Why haven't I gotten my period in a week and half?
Q. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for about 3 months now and we have not had any luck. But this month when I was suppose to get my period it never came. Now I am about a week and half late. This morning I tried a home pregnancy test ...
A. 17 January 2008: It could be wrong. My recommendation. Stop trying. Keep having sex, and lots of it, but not so much thought on the desired result. My ex-wife wanted a baby so bad, 3 years we tried, once she decided maybe to wait a bit longer was when it happened. ... (read in full...)
Dazed and confused--I feel sometimes not matter what I do for this man its never good enough!
Q. I and my ex recently got back together and I feel like I am alive again. I’ve smiled more and every morning was like a brand new day because of the happiness he put back into my life. Last night however was a nightmare with him. A good friend of ...
A. 17 January 2008: Let him go. True happiness can't be found within any relationship, other than the one you have with yourself. You probably didn't harrass him before, but he now knows he's in the wrong when you said that, so he attempted to take the blame off ... (read in full...)
I think I'm pregnant, but boyfriend wants nothing to do with baby, what can I do?
Q. I think i'm pregnant but my boyfriend wants nothing to do with the situation at all. He doesn't even want his mother to know and they're really close! I've tryed to talk to him about it and he just doesn't say anything. He just knows that he doesn't ...
A. 17 January 2008: Keep the baby, dump the looser.... (read in full...)
Could it be depression? The past two years seem to have mounted up, I don't know where I'm standing.
Q. hi guys. i always rely on this site to help me with minor problems but recently so much as been mounting up and it has turned into one big problem. here it is.....: first of all: i dont know whether i have depression or not but i go through ...
A. 16 January 2008: Good luck with everything. I mentioned hormones because of your age. My daughter, in a way is the same. The boy hugs another girl, or someone talks behind someone else's back, it's like the whole world just came crashing. I've gotten calls at work ... (read in full...)
My uncle is the 'town nutjob'...what can I do to get him from hurting our family?
Q. My uncle is ruining our lives. He (Let's just call him "Bob") lives on the same street as us and he is becoming absolutely unbearable. I have felt increasingly suicidal due to this man and he is making me ill. I do not want to be related to him as ...
A. 16 January 2008: I'm not trying to get you to switch faiths, just to get you to understand Christians are not going to come to your house, light a bush on fire and tell you they found a burning bush in your yard.
Speaking in tongues. A pastor at my church witn... (read in full...)
Will he be scared of me now that I've dished out some of his own medicine back to him?
Q. my ex has been controlling me, emotionally, verbally and sometimes physically abusing me for a very long time and never once did i stand up to him really. i now have took enough and i have humiliated him and disclosed something to some people who ...
A. 16 January 2008: Oh heck no. Abuse is control. As you stand up to him his level of control has to increase in order for him to maintain his power over you. I think you're methods were not thought out, because you forgot one important eliment. Protecting you...
I... (read in full...)
I'm depressed and I don't like myself! What should I do?
Q. I don't really like myself, even at the age of 20 and when I'm at university. Last night I left my friends at a bar as I was depressed because I hate myself. I even had a conversation with my dad earlier on today about how I should like myself and ...
A. 16 January 2008: first of all you need to really understand your depression and yourself. I choose to call depression "off balance". If you're lacking socially, emotionally, spiritually, physically can all cause depression. Lack of exercise can cause depression. A ... (read in full...)
I have a crush but he has a girlfriend.
Q. i have a huge crush on a guy i work with. problem is he has a girlfriend. we are pretty flirty with each other when we work together which is 5 days a week. other people we work with have even commented on our chemistry together. he has only be...
A. 16 January 2008: Kissing is cheating. Emotional cheating is cheating. Cuddling is cheating.
If he's saying he doesn't cheat, maybe he just doesn't see it that way. He might just like a bit of variety in his diet. No matter what you call it, it will be the same if ... (read in full...)
Married but lusting after someone else..what can I do?
Q. im recently married and i do love my husband more than anything, he has just started to work away but i cant stop thinking and lusting after someone else, i dont know what to do as he knows how i feel and he wants it to. should i just for fill my ...
A. 16 January 2008: Go ahead and do it. Afterward realize you just put your personal desire infront of your marriage, your husband and the love you claim to have for him.
If you love him more than anything, then you'll protect the relationship you have with him and ... (read in full...)
My uncle is the 'town nutjob'...what can I do to get him from hurting our family?
Q. My uncle is ruining our lives. He (Let's just call him "Bob") lives on the same street as us and he is becoming absolutely unbearable. I have felt increasingly suicidal due to this man and he is making me ill. I do not want to be related to him as ...
A. 16 January 2008: First of all, find out who Grandma's executor is, send them a letter explaining the intimidation and pressure to enter it, this will invalidate the will. A will has to be entered into of the maker's own free will, free from intimidation.
S... (read in full...)
Could it be depression? The past two years seem to have mounted up, I don't know where I'm standing.
Q. hi guys. i always rely on this site to help me with minor problems but recently so much as been mounting up and it has turned into one big problem. here it is.....: first of all: i dont know whether i have depression or not but i go through ...
A. 16 January 2008: Ellie:
How about some examples of how your parents aren't the most understandable. How is your overall relationship with them? How is their relationship with eachother?
I know you're probably saying, oh no not another one talking about the fa... (read in full...)
| *cn's friends
These are mutual friends, so *cn has
added them and they have added *cn!
|
