A
female
age
41-50,
*im1234
writes:I slept with my friend’s husband and I got pregnant and she thinks it is another man baby. I have and want to tell her because, I have to go for child support and the paper is going to get served. Should I just let her find out through him? And it was just sex! And if I tell her how can I tell her??She is like family too.. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, tamperingtampaguy  +, writes (15 January 2011):
This is to the first post. The word is spelled lose not loose. Before you misspell easy words , you truly should use spellcheck.
To the question posed. You do not seem like a very good friend . Karma is a horrible thing and I am glad you got knocked up. Have a great day.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): what is that you want in life? Family? Kids? Love and understanding?
Do you get that relating to people around you like that?
You need to work a lot to mature!
Now. You have two options:
-abort
- give a birth and loose your friend.
From this you need to learn. There is lack of several things that brought you here:
1. Selfrespect. Do things that you want, not that are offered.
2. Vision and planing. If you enjoy casual sex stop it and think why are you not having proper relationship.
3.Responsibility. Once it's clear to you what is right, you need to take care that your emotional landscape and experiences are right! It is your responsibility!
Start doing this now!
For the begining start feeling bad for what you did not becouse you are going to loose your best friend. prevent causes so this consequences don't occur. If you change this in yourself now you are preventing to lose best friends in future!
good luck and hold on.
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A
female
reader, Annoynomous Gal +, writes (10 December 2007):
Dn't tell her and have an abortion or tell the guy and see how u feel about each other now!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2007): Some radical-thinking people just choose not to have kids that they don't want and didn't plan.
What a concept. Birth control. Condoms. Vasectomy. If it fails there's even abortion as a fallback.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): Hi
If it was just sex judging by your age were you planing/wanting a baby? If not why are you going ahead with this knowing how much chaos and hurt you are going to cause not only for yourself but for others including your baby.
You are lying to your friend by ltting her think its another mans baby, but I also agree with Richard let her husband tell her hopefully before the papers are served.
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A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (7 December 2007):
 Why would you tell her. You already got your side of 'punishment' by becoming pregnant. Of course you screwed up also but it is the primary respnsibility of your 'friend's' husband to tell, if he dares to. In actual fact I am almost certain neither you nor the husband will tell. She will hear or find out somehow. Poor friend...
And I think you would put yourself under a certain risk if you told her. You are already pregnant. You main responsility now is to take care of the baby.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): Very very good advice, Richard and you are so right. The husband has a definite obligation to tell his wife of his role in this mess. She is his wife, let him tell her, Kim.
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (7 December 2007):
 Hi Kim1234 - in friendship terms I don't think it matters whether she learns from the child support people or from you. What is important is you have an unborn child that needs to be protected from harm. The health of 'Mum' is also important to the child's development. So the choice I would suggest is the one that has the least affect on the unborn child. The child is already starting in difficult circumstances and any stress you are going through could affect the baby in some way.
Taking a different perspective on this situation there are two innocent people - your friend and the unborn child. And there are two people responsible for this situation, the husband and you. You have no choice but to take care of the baby, which means the husband should deal with his wife. What is emerging is that it would seem the husband should be telling his wife what has happened leaving you to look after yourself and not worry about your friend. It would be helpful to you though if he can warn you when this will happen, so that you are prepared. The man has some responsibilities in this, not just financial. One of those responsibilities is the bearer of bad news.
Hope this has helped. Take care of yourself and baby.
Richard
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): I feel so badly for this friend of yours. She will suffer a double loss but I think you should tell her the truth. She needs to know what type of man she is married to. And she needs to know how 'you' betrayed her. It will hurt like hell. After you tell her, then you should walk out of her life forever, and mourn the loss of this friendship. Sometimes this happens when one makes self-involved, rash, decisions to hurt others. You slept with her husband. These are the consequences. Leave her and her husband alone and let them deal with the 'shocking aftermath' of this mess. From now on, the only connection to this man is..he will be paying child support and will want visitiations. Remember, Father's have rights too. Have the papers served and I wish you well, in your future with the baby. Nothing more can be said to you about this. I think you learned a life lesson here. Take Care.
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (7 December 2007):
 There is no nice way of saying I am having your husbands baby. If it was just sex why would you want to bring a child into the equation. A women at your age should not have put herself in a positon like this. I feel sorry for you and this child that is a product of a scandolous affair. Have you though about what this is going to do to your so-called friend.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2007): That's gross. If it was just sex, why not do it with someone who isn't your friend's husband? And if you are going to do it with your friend's husband, why not be somewhat smart and choose to use protection? Would that make too much sense?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 December 2007):
 You should definitely tell your friend. She may be angry and hurt but she'll have more respect than hearing it for the first time from paper.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (7 December 2007):
 Wow, what a predicament you are in, no matter what you do here people are going to get hurt. Forgive me for adopting a pessimistic approach to this, but at the end of the day you friend is probably never going to talk to you again, and probably going to split their marriage up to. If you just had sex with him then i would say leave it at that, but as you are pregnant its inevitable people are going to find out, like you say you have to go for child support. I think you should tell your friend everything and just let the chips fall where they may, i feel its your only option really, but whether she will ever speak to you again is somewhat debatable.
K
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female
reader, lillie baybee xoxo +, writes (7 December 2007):
 well what can i say just sit her down and hope she takes it the best way she can .....!:)
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