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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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We got back together again but I feel like I made a big mistake. Any advice?
Q. i broke up withmy boyfriend of 4 years but we got back together after about 4 weeks now been together a further 3 months, i feel like i made a mistake i really like this guy (who i was seeing whilst we were apart) and i feel like i just need to be ...
A. 1 January 2008: souds as if your a bit confused on which direction to take. Let me tell you a bit about why it's extrememly important to build yourself before bieng with someone else.
I've personally worked with behaviors for 14 years. Studying and analysing how ... (read in full...)
She dumped me and is with someone else but says she still loves me, do I try to move on or try to get her back?
Q. ok, I am not together with my girl anymore. she has gotten into something with another guy and everything. she broke it off with me. I still love her and i want her back. I could let this go, but she's not letting me. she still wants to talk with me ...
A. 1 January 2008: You need to moove on. I had someone like that once years ago. I finally told her I loved her and always will, but I can no longer be with her.
We're currently recording a song that is based of that behavior. The corus says "I wasn't good enough for ... (read in full...)
My ex wants me back but he's hurt me in the past, how do I move on and find someone else?
Q. So New Year's Day would have been mine and my fiance's two year anniversary. I recently seperated. He was the love of my life. He still wants a relationship with me and wants to be my friend, but it's so difficult. I am hurting so bad right now, and ...
A. 1 January 2008: As long as you can't see yourself being with someone else, you need to remain single This is a healing process, not a go find another guy to hopefully fix the problem process.
If he hurt you, he's not someone to be with. I keep studying relation... (read in full...)
16, mature for my age, dating a 25 year old for a year now. His parents approve of our relationship, but I have difficulties with my parents who've only recently found out. Suggestions?
Q. ok i am 16.... i'm mature for my age and look like im 19-22.... i hooked up with my friends brother who is 25... when we first hooked up he didn't know how old i was but assumed i was at least 18... i'd known him for awhile but we had never ...
A. 1 January 2008: You say you're mature for your age? That may be in some senses. Maturity comes from a wide variety of different directions. One direction, which is very important in considering maturity, is not making a decision that can possibly affect someone in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's Mom gets into our arguements and doesn't like me, do I tell her to butt out?
Q. me and my boyfriend been dating for 1 year and 4 months. last night i got drunk and talked to him about everything and how i feel about him, even the bad stuff. so we got into a fight and his mom got into it. She is pathic... shes not a good ...
A. 1 January 2008: You need to leave her out of your life. Her behavior is "noticeably" abnormal and fairly dangerous.
Does he live with his mom, or with his dad? If this behavior is affecting his way of being and positive growth, he may want to make a change in wher... (read in full...)
Should I choose the high school sweetheart or the stable friend?
Q. I am getting married in a couple of months. Today we had a high school class reunion and I saw someone I kinda liked back then. The thing is he kinda liked me too. He is still single and we started talking and I got to asking myself whether I ...
A. 1 January 2008: The fact that you have to ask this questions tells that you are not ready to get married, weather or not you choose someone else. People who are really prepared and "in love" to be married, seeing someone they liked or had a crush on wouldn't change ... (read in full...)
I don't want my ex to be hurt that I've found someone else, and I don't want my church group to think I'm a slut
Q. So I met my ex through my church youth group. We dated for a little over 3 years, but then i broke up with him. Only a few people in the youth group know that I have a new boyfriend. I'm afriad that if someone finds out, they will go and tell my ex. ...
A. 1 January 2008: He's your ex, why is it of importance how you choose to move one? You're open to be able to date again. As far as being thought of as a slut. How people see your behavior is how they label how they think about you. Dating someone new shouldn't cause ... (read in full...)
What does an emotional relationship involve?
Q. Hiya i'm just curious here. But when people say they have been having an emotional relationship what do they mean? Well what does it involve?...
A. 1 January 2008: An emotional relationship is the desire to be with someone, but without physical interactions. In a way it's another way of saying, they have a crush.... (read in full...)
My husband suffered a severe depression for four years and I have worked very hard to take care of us and the kids. Nothing has been better over these years and now I feel I want out and find happiness somewhere else, what shall I do?
Q. I have been married for 7 years. We have a beautiful child, age 7, and another age 4. About 4 years ago, my husband was fired from his job and two of his siblings were killed in unrelated homicides. These events happened within 3 months of each ...
A. 24 December 2007: As you know, history really has a great amount of proof when people consider trading up for a new model. You can tell with those who say they're on their 3rd, 4th, 5th marriage. It seems as if that doesn't work too well. You state you have emotional ... (read in full...)
How do I make my ex stop harrassing me? I answered one of his text messages, can I still file for a restraining order?
Q. My ex sent me a Christmas gift after I told him not to contact me. He has called about twenty times asking if I've gotten it and then texted me saying how he wants me to go see him on Christmas and try to make our relationship work. I hadn't ...
A. 24 December 2007: But as a Christian you will need to forgive him for his poor behavior. Without doing so is where we hold hatred and grudges for others. It's not a good way to live. You don't have to text him or anything, but in your heart find forgiveness.
Y... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lied to me and now I don't know what to do?
Q. my boyfriend lied 2 me and i don't know what 2 do...
A. 24 December 2007: we do need more information, and not everyone lies. ... (read in full...)
I'm 12 and upset that there are so many in my grade that are already having sex. I'm worried about everyone and I didn't think I would have this drama till high school. What should I do?
Q. I'll try to make this short. Ok, i'm worried and kinda just upset. i'm 12 in 7th grade and I already know about 8 people in my grade who have had sex and gotten drunk. One of them used to be a good friend of mine who actually lost their virginity ...
A. 24 December 2007: I just had to make a slight correction. Here in the United States, it is considered incest and is against statutes as intimate family relations, something about the increased possibility of birth defects.
Now to answer the question. We live in a wo... (read in full...)
Am I right to question his integrity??
Q. I am seeing a guy who I go to university with. He is home for the holidays (Diff. Province entirely). We have been using web cam to stay in touch. I was taken by surprise when I saw that he was 'shaven'. My question pertains to why might he shave ...
A. 24 December 2007: I'm glad you cleared it up as well. Until I saw the update I was going to mention, being a single male, I shave my face daily. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has a split personality
Q. ok me and my bf have been going out for the last 2 months and i have found out he has split personalitys and one side is my bf and the other is another girls bf a long with girls online bf i don't know what to do i am in pain knowing when he is with ...
A. 24 December 2007: I think he is playing you. What is his history like. MPD (Multiple personality disorder) is developed by major severe mental trauma. As an example. I personally have not met an MPD patient, but a psychiatrist I'm acquainted with had a patient with ... (read in full...)
We have verbally abusive fights that spiral into rage and tears. Can we learn how to fight and how to negociate? How??
Q. Hi, I'm a woman who is very much in love with my boyfriend of 3 years. He loves me very much too and we have become entangled in a deep, intense, but complicated relationship. I say complicated because there are extreme highs and extreme lo...
A. 24 December 2007: How are you a different person now, from when you first got together? You do not need to change for anyone. People who get married due so because they love who they are with, not trying to create or mold a new and improved person. I do agree, change ... (read in full...)
My boss told me to do something and now I feel like I'm going to get fired
Q. For the past few days, I have a feeling I may get fired for something my boss told us to do, knew about and therefore, continued on doing. We had a meeting this past Wednesday and denied 90 percent of it. His boss believed him. He made me look...
A. 24 December 2007: I agree with the other poster. Having dates and times, witnesses etc. written down is important. I would have helped if you listed what it is they asked you to do. The problem you have is that most of the U.S. is "at will employment" you can ... (read in full...)
My boss told me to do something and now I feel like I'm going to get fired
Q. For the past few days, I have a feeling I may get fired for something my boss told us to do, knew about and therefore, continued on doing. We had a meeting this past Wednesday and denied 90 percent of it. His boss believed him. He made me look...
A. 24 December 2007: I agree with the other poster. Having dates and times, witnesses etc. written down is important. I would have helped if you listed what it is they asked you to do. The problem you have is that most of the U.S. is "at will employment" you can ... (read in full...)
How do I tell my partner I no longer want us to be together? And will I regret it if I end it?
Q. How do I tell my partner that I no longer want us to be together? And will I regret it if I end things? My partner and I had been seeing each other for just over 4 years when we split up in February. He then kept texting me and desperately want...
A. 24 December 2007: I agree with the other poster. It's not going to work out, you won't allow that to happen. You two have a history together, you split up for a while and decided to give it another try. The relationship has no chance of surviving when one of the ... (read in full...)
The distance between me and him due to his drama queen daughter is driving us to the point of breaking-up.
Q. hi, I really need some strong advice now please! I've posted before on cupid , a few times , and i'm now struggling again. I have a relationship with a man, whose got 2 chuldren , similar ages to me. They don't really get along , but it hasnt sto...
A. 24 December 2007: You may be a bit jealous. The problem here is, she's now an adult. She needs to be treated as such. It's so true when said "we are not raising children, we're raising adults." It's up to us as parents to train our children as the adult they will ... (read in full...)
The distance between me and him due to his drama queen daughter is driving us to the point of breaking-up.
Q. hi, I really need some strong advice now please! I've posted before on cupid , a few times , and i'm now struggling again. I have a relationship with a man, whose got 2 chuldren , similar ages to me. They don't really get along , but it hasnt sto...
A. 24 December 2007: You may be a bit jealous. The problem here is, she's now an adult. She needs to be treated as such. It's so true when said "we are not raising children, we're raising adults." It's up to us as parents to train our children as the adult they will ... (read in full...)
Why Does My Mum Blame Me For Losing The Person She Loved?
Q. why does my mum blame me for the person she loved going to prision? i know what he did was wrong, and i know my mum loved him, and i know she'd choose her childen over him, but why does she still blame me for losing the person she ever loved? ...
A. 24 December 2007: for some it's easier to place blame than it is to face the poor decisions we make.
If this person committed a crime and went to prison, it's due to their own actions and choices, you're not to blame for the poor choices of others, nor is your mom.... (read in full...)
He cheated on me 4 times and I'n furious but I can't let go of him.. Advice needed!
Q. Last night, I my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years confessed that he has cheated on me 4 times in the past. We have been in a long distance relationship for a good chunk of it because we are both very ambitious people. I travel a lot and he is in the ...
A. 24 December 2007: Your right love does play a major role. It's not being in love with him. That's a small part of it, it's love for yourself. I'm someone who was cheated on multiple times by my ex-wife. I realized I kept giving her changes because for some reason I ... (read in full...)
How can I stop him blackmailing me, as I am becoming scared?? We've had a turbulent relationship so far, now live together as lodges.
Q. I have been in my current relationship for 6 years, living together for 3 of those. We have had a turbulent relationship to say the least, it has been a 'can't live with or without you' type. We decided last xmas to split, however, we have been...
A. 23 December 2007: he's doing so, because he feels as if he has the power over you to do something. i'd ask him, if he really can't wait to do something about it, what's taking him so long. offer him a ride to do it.
you need to get away from him. i would seek a dome... (read in full...)
I'm always super-frustrated when they go out together, my gf and her cousin. I'm afraid her cousin who is dishonest and promiscuous will trick her into being the same way.
Q. I don't want to seem to be a shallow, judmental guy, but I need to get opinions. I have a major problem with my girlfriend's cousin, whom she spends a lot of time with. The first thing is that she is untrustworthy. We are both adul...
A. 22 December 2007: I am a Christian as well. I am a strong individual and present myself with a high level of integrity, and character. If I was in a relationship or a marriage, because of my strength, I could be in a room with many naked, beautiful women and I ... (read in full...)
He says there's not enough passion, what do I do about it?
Q. My boyfriend and I have just had a bit of an arguement, more a discussion. He says he feels there isn't enough passion in the relationship, and can't see himself staying with someone 5, 10, 15 years with no passion. I thought our sex life has bee...
A. 22 December 2007: Fist of all, sex is not all there is in a relationship. What else could be lacking that he's pinning on the passion. Passion is created from the heart and the true feelings you have for another person. If the passion is low, it has to be created. ... (read in full...)
He's black, I'm white and my parents are racist! What should I do?
Q. A while ago a guy in my class started flirting with him. But cos guys at school never flirt with me a did not believe it and always took it as a joke. We have been chatting on a local chat site alot and have gotten to know him and start gettin...
A. 22 December 2007: i don't agree with the baby thing. of course that depends on which area you live. here, we really don't have anyone who is pure. my daughter is Italian from my side, and from her moms, German, Indian, Russian. I believe there is one race and one ... (read in full...)
What do I do about growing apart? Should I move on or work at what we have left?
Q. I am 22 years old and have been with my bf for over 5 years, we have been living together for over 3 years. Everything has been amazing, but we have just grown apart. We have totally different interests in life right now, I have changed (grown as...
A. 22 December 2007: He gets mad and ignores. I bet deep down, he knows what you're saying is right, after 5 years it might be a bit hard to accept or to face.
It's up to you to decide if you want to work on it, or let it go. Can relationships like this be saved? Gene... (read in full...)
Our threesome with the well-endowed black man has my wife craving more action-but without me!
Q. My wife offered to spice our sex life up by asking me to find a girl to join us, we posted on the internet and we had a great threesome with a younger girl, then my wife wanted to do the same with another man, I was a bit uneasy with it but went ...
A. 22 December 2007: If that wasn't the agreement regarding the threesome, I'd have to say she's overstepping her boundaries within your marriage. How would she feel if you said you liked the younger female so much, you'd like to meet with her, without your wife ... (read in full...)
He's black, I'm white and my parents are racist! What should I do?
Q. A while ago a guy in my class started flirting with him. But cos guys at school never flirt with me a did not believe it and always took it as a joke. We have been chatting on a local chat site alot and have gotten to know him and start gettin...
A. 22 December 2007: I agree with the other poster, stay with your boyfriend.
As far as the racist behaviors, just because their racist, doesn't mean you ever have to agree with their point of view. If you're not racist at all, I'd let your parents know that you see ... (read in full...)
I needed time to figure out my future (studies especially), so he moved in with a new gf but wants me to wait for him and not date others meanwhile. Do I move on?
Q. I was with my bf for almost two years in a long distance relationship....I needed some time to myself to try and sort things out in my life and plan a future and go off to uni...anyhow when i discussed it with my bo he was hurt, but understood..or ...
A. 22 December 2007: you need to move on for your own benefit. he has no right to expect you to wait while he's playing house with some other girl. that would be like saying "honey, you don't mind if we postpone our wedding for a couple of months so I can sleep with ... (read in full...)
My ex claims to still have feeling for me-but is seeking men on personal dating sites!
Q. how do i get over my ex who is telling me that she still has feelings for me /us but had slept with another man and has set herself up on at least three personnel sites looking for a LTR? and she tells me that she is not serious about the sites and ...
A. 22 December 2007: We never really get over someone. That's virtually impossible. We learn to cope with the changes and realize all though we're not with them we can still live and be happy for ourselves.
I'd just tell her that all though she has feelings, with the... (read in full...)
My bf's female friend is causing big problems for us...any advice on how to deal?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 15 months and he has never lied or hurt me but when he started a new job there was this girl who asked him to go out for a drink with him and he went as just friends, he said before he went this is wrong but then ...
A. 22 December 2007: You can't get him to see that, because everyone has the right to make their own choices. You have the right to make yours as well and demand how you are to be treated. If he's lying to you, he's not someone who's really caring toward your needs and ... (read in full...)
How can I overcome my self esteem issues and become more provocotive for my husband?
Q. I am a married woman and I have two kids. For the first several years of my relationship with my husband, our sex life was amazing. We always wanted eachother and we always experimented with different situations, positions and scenerios. I got ...
A. 22 December 2007: you're focusing too much on the physical side of sex, not the emotional. The emotional side of sex really has no weight boundaries. Loosing 30 pounds is the way to make you feel better about yourself, it's a goal, but it doesn't mean you're any less ... (read in full...)
Am I paranoid or am I right to be suspicious?
Q. My husband and I started our relationship nearly 10 years ago and we've been married for a year and a half. We split up for about 4 years in the middle of this because he started seeing a female colleague of his and like an idiot, I was the last ...
A. 22 December 2007: Suspicions generally are correct. What confirms it is anger when confronted. If there really was not truth to the accusation, there would be no reason to get angry over it.
If it was an OK meeting, innocent, work related or assisting a friend w... (read in full...)
Girlfriend wants a break after 4 years together, just as I move to her hometown to be with her.
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years (I'm 28, she's 22) and have had an excellent relationship with her. We have spent the last 6 months in different towns approx 300 miles apart. We spoke several times a day and I visited her several times in ...
A. 22 December 2007: You can look down on this situation being in a new place, or you can work on developing new, empowering experiences living there. Meet new people, new friends, and still enjoy the change you made under these circumstances.
Give her the space she ... (read in full...)
My parents are divorcing! Is it my fault because I'm such a handful?
Q. ok,my mom and dad have been fighting for awhile and they are getting divorced after christmas.my dad isnt even gonna be with us for christmas hes just gunna stay home or go with his friends.i think itll be kinda weird without a dad.i feel like its ...
A. 22 December 2007: No it's not your fault. Problems parent's develop they bring on themselves. I'm sorry this is happening. Divorce is not an easy subject, and I feel there are never any real winners when it takes place. In any case it's not your fault. You don't ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me 4 times and I'n furious but I can't let go of him.. Advice needed!
Q. Last night, I my boyfriend of 1 1/2 years confessed that he has cheated on me 4 times in the past. We have been in a long distance relationship for a good chunk of it because we are both very ambitious people. I travel a lot and he is in the ...
A. 22 December 2007: I think you could do much better than this guy. He says it happens when he's drunk? OK, so if he knows that, why does he put himself into situations he knows this would happen. I generally don't see being drunk as an excuse for cheating.
C... (read in full...)
How do I help him to realize I AM different - so we can have a functional relationship, which at the moment he is unsure of?
Q. I've recently starting dating this great guy last Sunday (almost 2 weeks. We've been talking since the end of Nov). We've seen each other almost every day since then. I've connected with him so well right off the bat better than most other me...
A. 21 December 2007: your right, at times they are a waste. The reason i brought it us is all though things were done to you, the pain from that still exists.
I've been doing research on cheating and the affects of. My research is based on two areas the act (tra... (read in full...)
My friend is really irritating me, and I can't take her crap anymore. What should I do?
Q. I have a friend who lies about basically everything. She even made up a rumour about one of our other friends having a backstreet abortion. To be honest I think that's sick. She's aparently been pregnant twice, once she had an abortion (she would ...
A. 21 December 2007: This sounds like Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) . People who suffer from this disorder tell some big lies about their life. They do so to fill a much needed void or to cope with pain caused by early childhood abuse. They don't feel good ... (read in full...)
How do I help him to realize I AM different - so we can have a functional relationship, which at the moment he is unsure of?
Q. I've recently starting dating this great guy last Sunday (almost 2 weeks. We've been talking since the end of Nov). We've seen each other almost every day since then. I've connected with him so well right off the bat better than most other me...
A. 21 December 2007: just keep doing what you're doing and not doing what the other ones did.
you both need to work on some personal development. i'm weary about you not knowing if you like them or not until a month. On his side I'm worried about how his past has emot... (read in full...)
I had brief intercourse with a stripper during a lap dance... should I tell my wife?
Q. I’m felling real guilty about what happened to me at a strip bar. I’m a happily married man, ten years married with two kids. I go to strip bars, my wife lets me and its never been an issue. She goes out with her friends too, and admittedly been ...
A. 21 December 2007: This is up to you. It's something that should not have happened. You ask us not to judge you for it, but you're judging yourself. You need to read the post you wrote and come to realization of it not being your fault then forgive yourself for this. ... (read in full...)
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