A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a girlfriend and I love her her very very very much. I have another friend who is kind of attractive, and she has had a crush on me for a while....I kissed her twice, but never really felt, or wanted it. I just couldn't stop it the first two times, and I always did then after till she stopped. I still talk to that girl, but I feel kind of guilty for not telling my girlfriend.....whom i love so very much...i feel very guilty and don't know what to do...logically i understand that it would create a big mess by telling her...and I"m better off letting the whole thing go...the girl with whom it happened has a boyfriend too, and she would never say anything, and surprisingly she is not really guilty either, but guilty is kind of climbing on me....please help me...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): I dont know who the second post is from. It starts as, I agree with rcn..but you almost killed the person by asking him to go to therapy! god..whats wrong with you...can't you see he's guility, and that girl wasn't a random girl, she was his friend for more than a year, and kind of attractive. Such things happen, I'm a guy, and I think its okay. I don't know whether you should tell or not, but definitely I don't think he needs selfhelp book or therapy! cheese!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): Hey there- this might sound like a surprising answer to you but, having been in your situation and also in your girl's shoes, if you really love her, don't tell her. The fact that you let some girl kiss you 'twice' does not mean anything because guess what? Everyone make mistakes. It's all part on being human. It doesn't mean that you love her any less.
If you tell her, it might possibly be discussed, she'll give you a hard time but then she'll appreciate that you've told her and your bond will grow stronger... OR, please realize that by telling her you run the risk of her doubting your love for her and trust is something that is very hard to regain once it has been broken.
Listen, you have made a mistake and guilt is not a bad thing. You're a decent guy, I'm sure, so of course you'll feel bad. Just learn from it and don't let it happen again. The way I see it is: YOU made the mistake and its normal to feel the burden of it. Don't just tell her to relieve yourself of that burden- she does not deserve to be hurt like that, especially if there's no other way she'll find out and its merely a meaningless random kiss. Ok?
Importantly, there is no right or wrong way to go about this. What is done is done. Past is past. Just make sure that you focus your decision on what is best for your future. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2007): I agree with rcn.
You feel guilty because you did something bad and though you can't change what you have done, you can change the way you have handled the situation.
You say you love your girlfriend but real love doesn't cheat or lie. You don't deceive and manipulate the one you love. You should really have more respect for her than that, because she deserves it.
You must tell her. It is not fair to her for you to continue to lie to her.
You say you "couldn't" stop- well that's not true at all. You have more control over your body and over your actions than that. Your girlfriend needs to know that, even though you "don't want" to kiss other girls, that you "can't stop". It's sad that you have so little self-control, that you can't even resist a girl whom you're only slightly attracted to, and that you did it twice.
But regardless, she needs to know that she is with a man so weak that he cannot resist even the slightest temptation. Because you've done it twice now, you'll likely do it again if another somewhat attractive chick comes along and puts herself on you.
Perhaps you need to read a few selfhelp books or go to therapy to learn the art of self-control?
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (27 November 2007):
 It will climb all over you until you tell your girlfriend. The problem with gilt is it works as real 100% pain. This type of pain, unlike physical, grows if not taken care of. The way to do so is to tell your girlfriend and work things out from there. Even if you were albe to take care of the guilt from the actual event, you'd still cary the guilt of living with this secret. How we're developed is very interesting. If we get hurt, it hurts, and if we cause hurt, it hurts. The only way to solve that is to put your relationship and feelings of her above want or desire.
I hear so many times with people "I've made the biggest mistake" Well should have thought about that before you made it. Unfortunately time can't be reversed to eliminate the cause.
I could be with a girl I love very much, and be in a room full of the most beautiful naked women. I wouldn't cheat, because I have more resepect and desire not to hurt the one I love than to take advantage of the situation.
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