A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i went out with a guy for three months was crazy about him, the first time we broke up it was because he decided he didnt want to be in a relationship and because he knew i was ending it with him as i told him we needed to talk he ended it with me in a text message. Then he told me all this stuff that he nearly killed himself one night but couldnt go through with it. I dont know if this is made up or not. He wanted me back and because of the way i felt about him i decided i would. Then he turns around and says when we are back together about ten minutes i dont want a relationship with any girl.As you can imagine i was gutted and soon he started going out with another girl and had been up until recently even though he said he didnt want a relationship. I snogged him one night a while ago just after he broke up with her i dont know why. I regretted it the minute i did it and pulled away very quickly. The problem i have is that i see him a lot now and while in my head i haven't forgiven him for hurting me my friends are telling me that its not right for me to be angry with him. They think i should be friends with him. Is a year to long to hold a grudge against somebody or do ye think i should forgive him for what he did? Have i a right to be angry with him??? Id love any advice on how should i act the next time i see him etc!!!
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 Yes, you have a right to feel angry. There is no such thing as not have a right to your feelings. I do however agree with the previous answerers that you should try and find a way to forgive him so that you can move on. It is not healthy to go around this long feeling that much anger. It doesn't mean you have to be good friends with him, only so that you can feel free at heart again. I think the other answers are excellent and I have not much to add to them except that if you also feel angry with yourself for having been so involved with him, forgive also yourself for this. It was not your fault, you were in love and you couldn't have known it would end like this.
Let him go and there will be other much better guys ahead! Be happy and show him what an amazing girl he has missed out on!
Wish you all the best!
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 Your a bit younger than I am. I want you to keep repeating this to yourself, I believe it should be taught in all schools. It's not OK to hold a grudge. Forgiving him is not for his benefit. He may not even care if you do or not. He may not be being affected like you are for what he did. He may not deserve to be forgiven. But with all that being said, why do you deserve to let his behavior continue affecting you and your ability to move on and find happiness for yourself.
Have you ever hear the saying "she's a cold hearted _____" She's not cold hearted, just carries many grudges, doesn't know how to forgive etc. I'll tell you from experience, it says in the bible, forgiveness is divine. I never really understood that until I took time to forgive those who did me wrong in the past. When I did it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and all the pain attached to being angry immediately disappeared.
Forgive him, not because he deserves it but because do deserve to move past this.
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A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 I just want to get this straight. You were together a total of THREE months? In that time he dumped you because you were going to dump him? He may or may not be suicidal, or just attention seeking. He wants you back, pursues you, you give in and you get back together. 10 minutes later you're dumped.
Even though he didn't want a relationship, he gets with another girl. You then kiss him after they break up.
If it's been a year since all this happened, then yes that is quite a while to hold a grudge, especially after a relationship that only lasted 3 months.
If you still feel raw, you need to avoid him until your feelings have healed.
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