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... Send *cn a private message | | | *cn's profile:Like many others on here, I've had my share of relationship issues. I've been in an abusive relationship, where I was the abused. I've had times where I'd drink and party a bit much, times of depression and really feeling lost as to what I should be doing to improve my life and the lives of my children.
I have four children. I'm a single parent, of two children a boy (19) and a girl (10). My ex-wife has the two children we share living with her, 2 girls (16, and 14).
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| Latest articles: Know who you're with
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 July 2008: This is an article I received from local news. When reading this I think about how important it is to know who you know, and to notice changes in the behaviors of others. In cases like this, the agressor displays subtle signs prior to acting. He may ...
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Our sex life is in tatters due to his affair. How can We move on!?
Q. Hi people, My husband had an affair last year. We have made enourmous progress in trying to get back on track, but it is tough. Through the recovery process, our sex life obviously has come into discussion and debate. Our sex life pri...
A. 29 January 2008: First of all cheating is an act. Unfortunately it's an act that affects other people and causes harm. It sounds as if he's appologized over and over again for his actions. From your end, that just isn't good enough. Why? You're in pain, and as long ... (read in full...)
Our sex life is in tatters due to his affair. How can We move on!?
Q. Hi people, My husband had an affair last year. We have made enourmous progress in trying to get back on track, but it is tough. Through the recovery process, our sex life obviously has come into discussion and debate. Our sex life pri...
A. 28 January 2008: I sure hope you feel better. You can type and go off about your feelings, when you really need to sit him down and reapeat what you told us to him. Forgiving him is not forgetting. He may not even deserve the forgiveness, but you'd be doing it for ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's past involved threesomes, 2x rape, or was this just 2 big mistakes? What am I to believe?
Q. Hello there!! I have this little problem with my girlfriend. Only recently after her many lies she told me that she had two times on two different ocassions sex with 2 guys. But it gets much more complicated than this. The first time it happened...
A. 28 January 2008: It does help her to not feel revictimized. This happened before you got together. When she's, more than likely, felt guilt for this time and time again, why do you feel it's in your place to continue her being haunted by this event. How do you feel ... (read in full...)
My old friend has a wife and child now, but I love him from 10 years ago and want him back now
Q. I have been friends with this man since we were 15yrs old we are both now almost 40. I always knew he was attracted to me, i was also but was always involved with someone else and he was so painfully shy he never tried or said anything. The day ...
A. 28 January 2008: It was difficult. When loving her, I chose her best interest over my personal desires. Doing that was very hard, but who said doing what's right is always easy.... (read in full...)
My old friend has a wife and child now, but I love him from 10 years ago and want him back now
Q. I have been friends with this man since we were 15yrs old we are both now almost 40. I always knew he was attracted to me, i was also but was always involved with someone else and he was so painfully shy he never tried or said anything. The day ...
A. 28 January 2008: We were friends, then a relationship, then back to being friends. She lives half way accross the U.S. but we still chat. With her, my love had to be of an unselfish nature. She's happy, and I'm happy that she is. ... (read in full...)
My old friend has a wife and child now, but I love him from 10 years ago and want him back now
Q. I have been friends with this man since we were 15yrs old we are both now almost 40. I always knew he was attracted to me, i was also but was always involved with someone else and he was so painfully shy he never tried or said anything. The day ...
A. 28 January 2008: You're welcome. I had to do the same thing once years ago, and had to let her go. It was hard. But I did it because I do love her, and her happiness meant more to me than being with her myself.
Take care.... (read in full...)
Girlfriend's past involved threesomes, 2x rape, or was this just 2 big mistakes? What am I to believe?
Q. Hello there!! I have this little problem with my girlfriend. Only recently after her many lies she told me that she had two times on two different ocassions sex with 2 guys. But it gets much more complicated than this. The first time it happened...
A. 28 January 2008: I would have to say it was just 2 big mistakes. You're right about this may happen once, but twice. Thinking two separate people would joke about it. That's not very likely.
The problem here is why are you viewing her past like you are. What real... (read in full...)
I want to move abroad with my daughter. Where do I stand legally in regards to her father?
Q. Hi i want to take my daughter to live abroad.Iwas not married to the father however he is on the birth certificate,how do i stand legally?...
A. 28 January 2008: I don't know the laws there in the U.K. Here in the U.S. after divorce or separation, married or unmarried, an order to establish custody created by the court. The order establishes visitation, chid support, medical etc. It's also created to be in ... (read in full...)
Our sex life is in tatters due to his affair. How can We move on!?
Q. Hi people, My husband had an affair last year. We have made enourmous progress in trying to get back on track, but it is tough. Through the recovery process, our sex life obviously has come into discussion and debate. Our sex life pri...
A. 28 January 2008: You keep saying that he needs to open up and talk about what had happened. Why is that? When someone cheats, usually the other person doesn't want the details of it. You say you're the one who threw up, showered and slept on the couch. The issue ... (read in full...)
My husband doesn't trust me! help!
Q. in the pass, i have done something unforgiven! i am very regretful of it! i wouldnt let him down again! never! we got back together, we had a baby and got married! he works away, and i rearly go out! occasionally when i do go out, he dont approve ...
A. 28 January 2008: Are you sure it's really unforgiven, or are you not allowing the room to be forgiven? Your going out is OK, it's not a disrespect to the marriage. He acts are based by fear. The fear that you haven't learned from your mistake. Remember actions speak ... (read in full...)
I've been seeing one of his mates for 5 months.
Q. I have been with my partner for 5 years and we recently got engaged! But he doesnt know that I have been seeing one of his mates behind his back for about 5 months!I know what I am doing is wrong and we have tried to stop it so many times but we ...
A. 28 January 2008: Your right, it will be impossible to do this without hurting. You're feeling horrible says you know what the right thing to do is. You have to tell your fiance. Not being honest makes the guilt grow and grow. He may forgive you, and he may decide ... (read in full...)
I feel my parents see me as a fattie looser
Q. Hey...so bascially im a girl, pretty depressed cuz my brother is doing a sport and so is my sister, and that is pretty much all my parents talk about at all. when were having dinner, its all they talk about and it gets on my nerves!!! i mean, i dont ...
A. 28 January 2008: Just talk to them, let them know you feel a bit ignored that they don't talk about anything else. ... (read in full...)
My old friend has a wife and child now, but I love him from 10 years ago and want him back now
Q. I have been friends with this man since we were 15yrs old we are both now almost 40. I always knew he was attracted to me, i was also but was always involved with someone else and he was so painfully shy he never tried or said anything. The day ...
A. 28 January 2008: Divorce is extremely painful. I know cheating is not the right thing to do. Trying to pry in between a husband and wife is not right also. There's more at stake than just a marriage, their is a child there. That child needs both mom and dad to act ... (read in full...)
I am thinking about going on anti-depressants...any advice??
Q. I have been depressed off and on for some years and am thinking about going on an anti-depressant. What have you heard? Any suggestions? I know that most of them have the same side-effects. I was on Prozac before and it didn't work out. I know this ...
A. 28 January 2008: The reason I asked, not giving too much detail, is BPD is a disorder that the main element is past trauma. Working with people with this disorder, they have had close relations die tragically, have been rape victims (which may include being sexually ... (read in full...)
Whats going on through his head?
Q. Hey i have to talk to someone or im either going to cry or scream or do something stupid. Argh so here goes. First off Im going to tell u the story of how 4 and a half months of my life get flushed down the toilet in a single weekend, my ...
A. 27 January 2008: I sounds as if he'd been hurt in some way. Had you given him any reason to believe you haven't been faithful or truthful with him? Is there a friend you both know, who might feel they benefit by breaking up your relationship? When you were sleeping... (read in full...)
Haven't spoken to my family in 10 years! Now my Aunt is trying to contact me...advice?
Q. Hi, i haven't spoken to my family in over 10yrs and since new year an aunt of mine has been trying to get in touch with me through a private detective. When i was 17 i realised i was a lesbian and started a relationship with a girl at school, we got ...
A. 27 January 2008: It's up to you. It depends on if your ready to make that move or not. Let me ask you this, growing up in their family, building your life etc. Realistically, how many people has Jesus turned His back on? If it were me, I'd let her contact me, but ... (read in full...)
How do I stop the abuse, I inflict on him?
Q. my boyfriend has cheated on me a couple times in the past but has completely changed all that but ever since it happened i have become incredibly abusive towards him. any time i get upset i hit him til i feel better, how do i stop this? i love him ...
A. 27 January 2008: You love him so much, but you choose to hit him. You need to remember this. What he did was wrong, but it was a choice he made. It was your choice to stay with him, and it's also your choice to inflict violence on him as well.
Being angry is OK. ... (read in full...)
Wondering if I'm fantasizing
Q. My bf and I had been together for about 4 years now. We've known each other for more than that, but only be seriously dating for that time. We've had some really bumps on the road, and I had always been the one trying to salvage our relationship. ...
A. 27 January 2008: Do you believe fairy tale stories just happen, or are they created? I don't know of any "chick flick" where someone said, I have this idea, no go do it. As far as being unrealistic, that's up to the people involved. The fact is, weather on a white ... (read in full...)
Breaking on through to the other side
Q. i feel like i have/going to miss out on so much in life because of my shyness. i find it hard to bring up conversations, and most of the time in social situations i just stand there, not talking. however, when im with my frends, i can be so t...
A. 27 January 2008: I grew us with the same isssues you have. Its OK. For some it's part of growing up. Now everyone is outgoing and talkative to everyone, or the social butterfly a the party. I'll tell you what hels me. Small talk.
I'm still like that, I was in an e... (read in full...)
Whats the best way to handle pain? How can you deal with more than one serious painful subject?
Q. What is the best way to handle pain? How can yu deal,with more than one serious painful subject ,if your life seems to go that way?What should You say to yourself if all doors seem to close and you feel so alone with your pain. I feel ,i want to ...
A. 27 January 2008: If you could give a description of the problems you're facing, it will make it much easier. Pain takes a few different forms, knowing what's causing it will give information to best point you in the right direction.
Dealing with trauma, chil... (read in full...)
He never came home last night. He cheated before... I'm lost. Can you help?
Q. I don't know what to do i'm with my partner 9 years we have two boys. two years ago when i was pregnant he had two affairs and used stay out all nyt i kicked his ass out when i found out and 6 months later i took him back but i told him never to ...
A. 27 January 2008: i feel for your situation too. i think he's not respecting you, your relationship and definately not your kids. it's one thing for you to cancel work, but for him to not show up and fulfill his obligation to his children.
i have to tell you, goo... (read in full...)
Life's Great Mysteries
Q. If we are so Smart and Great why there is Pain Hunger and wars on Earth ?AND WHERE IS THE GREAT LOVE THAT WE ALLWAS TALK ABOUT ?THANK YOU...
A. 27 January 2008: It's right here and we're talking about it. There are some very smart and great people in this world, but we still have those who are self centered, greedy, and could really care less people out there.
... (read in full...)
I feel like I don't belong.
Q. I wnt to run away im always getting the blame and feel like i dont belong where can i go and who can i talk im only 13 help me x...
A. 27 January 2008: It's not fun feeling like you're always being blamed. I don't really know too many children who are 13 who feel as if they belong all the time. It's hard growing up. I'm sure being a teen today is very difficult. I know I wouldn't want to repeat my ... (read in full...)
What was my responsibility
Q. please can someone help. Today at work I winessed another member of staff lose their temper and pull a little girls arm because the girl said something about her daughter apparently, the children are yr 3's anyways I had other things to do as in I ...
A. 26 January 2008: I think you did right. Speaking with the head teacher, and the other lady, here is the issue they face. This is someone elses child, someone who they have full responsibility for and liability if something happens.
I could see them saying "was she ... (read in full...)
Why is this a problem
Q. I have read about people writing some negative things about the other woman, I have been in this predictament if a man is saying he is unhappy at home and you are there to comfort him be it sexually or emotionally what is the fuss? I believe I ...
A. 26 January 2008: Not so be it. It's wrong. From your side as not taking the vow. Just like alcohol, drugs, porn, etc, you're being used as a coping tool. A way for the man or women to self medicate and compensate for what they are lacking in their marriage.
M... (read in full...)
What is rape
Q. i'm only 13 years old and I posted a question about a boy in my class rubbing against me while i was pinned against my locker. do you think he was trying to rape me?...
A. 26 January 2008: He definately sexually assaulted you. Rape is the full act of sex without concent, also known as first degree sexual assault. This would be s second degree. Third degree is like telling sexual jokes that offends someone. Comments that are ... (read in full...)
What is my problem
Q. I need to know if this is normal and what i should do about it? Im 28 and live with my dad and up until about 6 months ago my pretty serious boyfriend of like 5+ years lived 1.5 miles away. I would spend the night there every night. Then he got a ...
A. 26 January 2008: Go to a doctor. It sounds as if your experiencing anxiety. It's not something that happens over night, it's a build up of many things that compile and create this feeling. You're being away from him might be the thing that's piled on top of ... (read in full...)
Top five to ten ways to win an ex back
Q. What are the top 5 or 10 ways to get an ex to want you back? I don't want to play mind games with him, I just want him to realize all that he's missing. I know that sounds totally selfish of me. But I guess I just want to try a few things to get ...
A. 26 January 2008: It all depends, what happened in your relationship that caused the break up? That's important while trying to decide what will work and what would cause more harm than good.... (read in full...)
Tormented by love for cousin
Q. First off I wanna say The bible says nothing about being with a cousin as bad. Actually there are stories of key members being with their cousins. Its bad when you're with a brother or sister, thats considered incest. Anyways I am in severe agony ...
A. 26 January 2008: There are different areas of love. Love that's meant to be in a relationship and love that is not. You may be soul mates, but what is your position their. Is it a marital position, or is it a be there for her and help her through challenges ... (read in full...)
She can't see that sex is love for me
Q. hi I'm 54 my wife is 34 we have 3 kids in the beginning we had the best sex i ever had i love her so much it hearts dont work i have money look after kids all day we don't sleep together we have sex 4/5 times a year she dont touch me just says put ...
A. 26 January 2008: Ending it for sexual differences would not be upstanding for your children. Sex, in a marriage has so many different areas. You have the act, you have the love that's included with the act. Sex in a marraige is also about making the other person ... (read in full...)
Want baby to have daddy but he's a bum
Q. i feel so messed up right now and i dont know what to do. im 6 months pregnant at 19 and ive just found out that my ex boyfriend has gonorrhea, he says he didnt have it when we spilt up but he is such a liar i dont think i can trust him. we spilt up...
A. 26 January 2008: remember this, all though you may not be together, and even if he's not good for you in a relationship, children don't judge parents the same way we judge a partner. i'd wait and see if he steps up to the plate after the child is born. i've seen ... (read in full...)
Odds of her being pregnant
Q. I fingered my girlfriend a few weeks ago before i did I masterbated a bit bit i did not come before i fingered her we tickled each other for about an hour then i did it its almost time for her period and she is nervous that she is pregant. This may ...
A. 26 January 2008: if you weren't having sex, she wouldn't get pregnant. even if you masterbate, get stuff on your hands and finger her, the sperm is no longer alive to get her pregnant. ... (read in full...)
What should I be doing
Q. I am in university, I am doing a good degree and have good friends and can socialise easily. Yet the only part of me that I'm not happy about is my relationship with women. OK I have friends that are girls but I'm not as close to them as I am with ...
A. 26 January 2008: You like yourself, but you don't feel good enough. I worked with a lady who had the same issue. I asked her, why does she feel it's her position to decide why her husband is with her? It's her place to know why she's with him, and his to know why ... (read in full...)
Is 20 a position
Q. A woman told me about a sexual position that she loves... she said its 20. Can you help me with this one? What is it???...
A. 26 January 2008: Can't help you there. I looked it up and the first heading was "Astronauts try sex in space." I don't know if she's takling about no gravity sex, but that would be interesting. lol... (read in full...)
Will our values keep us apart
Q. Hi i'm 20 and met this wonderful guy at uni. We have been together for a couple of months. Anyway its transpired he is a virgin, weve discussed this and i have told him about my sexual history warts and all. The trouble is he says, not the fact tha...
A. 26 January 2008: Not everyone has one night stands. Some people do, but from his angle he's seeing the issue with "sex for love" or "sex for instant gradification". Some people from his side as well look at it as "if we have an issue in our relationship, will they ... (read in full...)
I am thinking about going on anti-depressants...any advice??
Q. I have been depressed off and on for some years and am thinking about going on an anti-depressant. What have you heard? Any suggestions? I know that most of them have the same side-effects. I was on Prozac before and it didn't work out. I know this ...
A. 26 January 2008: OK the, Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not saying, you personally would choose to use it as a cure. Let me ask you this. Asside from hurting yourself, what was your diagnosis of BPD based off of? BPD is much different than depression, and ... (read in full...)
I'm disgusted... I found a fake rubber vagina in my bf's closet!
Q. I found a fake rubber sex toy resembling a woman’s vagina in my boyfriend’s closet! I got furious at him and threw it at his face and said “What’s this?” He got angry at me back and said it wasn’t my business, and he had it long before he knew me. ...
A. 26 January 2008: You may or may not be going overboard. It depends, when did he use it last. How long has he lived where he's at? I know my closet doesn't get cleaned out regularely. Not talking to him, isn't going to solve your issues, just fuel the anger you all ... (read in full...)
I have a problem down there..will the doctor do the exam or will I go to a clinic?
Q. Just a quick question so i know what to expect... Im going to see my GP next week, i made the appointment because i think ive got a problem down there. What i want to know is, is he going to examine me or is this not part of his job? Will i...
A. 26 January 2008: He might do the exam. It's not usual to be sent from one doctor to another for an exam, unless it's like xrays or something they can't do in the office.... (read in full...)
Found inappropriate conversations between them on the computer...I'm afraid my husband is cheating on me!
Q. My husband and I have been married for nearly a year now and so far everything has been great between us. I've never thought him to be one to do things behind my back or anything like that. But throughout our entire relationship, even before we were ...
A. 26 January 2008: I know this is difficult for you to face. Hearing his answer, the first thing that came to my mind was "this girl needs to put some boots on, cause the s**t is getting deep. That reminds me of a female friend, she walked in her home. Her husband ... (read in full...)
My newly sober husband and a clueless boyfriend! Help!
Q. I'm at a crossroad here..My situation is tearing my heart apart and I need some advice from anyone who is willing to read this. Well I've been married for 3 years and my husband suffered a major car accident 7 years ago (before we met)ever since ...
A. 26 January 2008: I'm sure being in this situation it's been a difficult process. Life isn't suppose to be easy. That's why in marriage they state "for better or worse". I don't know the whole story, but if I were your husband, I'd be thinking "she'll be around when ... (read in full...)
Please help, I love her as she is.
Q. My best friend and girlfriend who is 13 yesturday told me that she is bulimic. Only me and another friend no. We swore to secrecy that we wouldnt tell any 1, which is what we are going to do but how do i try and talk her out of this as she is very ...
A. 25 January 2008: I'm not saying you don't understand the disorder. I'm saying you're not ready to take on this challenge. So you understand that with this disordedr the chemical serotonin is off balance in the brain. You also understand that by purging (throwing ... (read in full...)
Please help, I love her as she is.
Q. My best friend and girlfriend who is 13 yesturday told me that she is bulimic. Only me and another friend no. We swore to secrecy that we wouldnt tell any 1, which is what we are going to do but how do i try and talk her out of this as she is very ...
A. 25 January 2008: I know you're 13 years old. Even though you're young I'm not going to sugar coat this situation for you. It's serious and a bit more serious than your group of holding secrets realize.
With feeling her bones and knowing what she's doing, do you real... (read in full...)
I broke up with my bf several times as he's not contributing to the household, now I suspect he read my private emails! What should I do?
Q. I recently wrote an email to a guy I was seeing in the summer before I got back together with my on again off again bf. There were somethings that were said that was just for him but it was very platonic and i wished him all the best. The next ...
A. 25 January 2008: It sounds to he like he should have be a off and stay off. He's a mooch. Change you e-mail password, and say goodbye to him for good. Find someone who will treat you good and be good for you and with you as a partner. Stop playing this little game.... (read in full...)
Split up with my ex-husband again. What can I do?
Q. Help about 3 years ago I had split up with my ex husband again (we keep trying) and had started seeing a beautiful man, who was also a friend, it was very calm, and pain free and also very deep. But there was no spoken commitment as such though it ...
A. 25 January 2008: Stop being so quick to start the next relationship, take a breather in between. Take more time to choose qualities in someone, before just going for it. ... (read in full...)
How to tell my new girlfriend I have two kids?
Q. HI evryone there! dated a lady for 7 years now and we have two lovely sons the problem is she is not respecting me and she talk to me the way she feel like. I lost my intresting on her and I dated other lady this one seems honest , responsible and ...
A. 25 January 2008: So, she's honest, and responsible, but you're not being honest with her? Being with two at the same time is wrong. You need to tell her you have a new girlfriend and so you're ending the relationship, and you need to tell the other one, you have a ... (read in full...)
Can anyone give me tips on making my guy scream with pleasure in bed!?
Q. Well, another question... since I'm new in this thing called "SEX", I'm so curious, I've give my boyfriend blow jobs, normal thing I know, but the thing is that I don't feel like I'm giving him enough pleasure, when he is doing it to me I'm desperat...
A. 25 January 2008: Cherriepie has some good ideas for you. My idea was much simpler, since generally guys are not too loud (afraid of waking the neighbors...) lol. Right before he climax's light and stick a lighter under his rear. You'll get a scream. lol... (read in full...)
I am thinking about going on anti-depressants...any advice??
Q. I have been depressed off and on for some years and am thinking about going on an anti-depressant. What have you heard? Any suggestions? I know that most of them have the same side-effects. I was on Prozac before and it didn't work out. I know this ...
A. 25 January 2008: i'm on lexapro, it works well for me, with no side affects. of course their may be with any medication if you just stop taking it, instead of slowly getting off of it. as far as the depression is concerned, lexapro works well. you're able to have ... (read in full...)
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