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male
age
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anonymous
writes:my wife married met me, married me, and great sex with me, i was a big man when she met me....now we've been married for 5 years and fot the last few years, she dosnt want to have sex with me anymore becasue of my weight, she says i need to lose weight if i want a sex lfe with her, my arguement is, i was the same size when you met me, how can you now say if i want sex i have to lose weight, its really causing a lot of strain on our relationship, its been making me bring up divorce quite often and she just keeps telling me, do what need to do(lose weight) i know losing weight would be good for me, but i feel i shouldnt have to lose weight to save my marriage, im haveing a ton of resentment....am i wrong im my thinking?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you everyone for your responses, after seeing everyones different view points, i do need to lose weight, for myself and my health, and it can only help things in my relationship with my wife, i feel she does love me and deep down, i know it would be a more enjoyable sex life if i were able to do more....i need to put my resentment behind me and concentrate on making what would be a positive change.....thanks again and everyone have a great christmas and happy new year!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): Also, being fat is very unhealthy. it leads to heart disease, etc., and a downward spiral towards a terrible health consequence.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): Listen up,
I have the same problem with my wife. I want her to lose weight, or no sex here. It's been 2months without it, and I don't feel attractive to a big person, and even if I met her big, not everyone is continously attracted with someone who is unhealthy.
You can't hold her responsible for something you can change. You see, you can't change your skin color, but thank God, we can change our weight. Being big is not something you have to accept, but it seems you do. Being big is not like being deformed and unchangable. Try to give it a chance to lose the weight, and maybe, you will like what you see within yourself. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): go elsewhere mate! she obviously doesnt love you for who you are.
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male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Hmm peoriaman makes a good point. Has she done this because she deep down she wants a divorce? Or is it just a convenient way of withdrawing from sex knowing that you won't lose weight?
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male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (13 December 2007):
Hi - well there's a good range of answers here. My suggestion is that you trade. "If you do this...then I'll do that." She really should be putting sex back into the relationship and taking on a challenge as dificult as your weight loss. If she won't put the sex back then it gets more dangerous and you need to tell her that. Because if she continues to withdraw sex then it is going to lead you into withdrawing something she expects from the marriage. And before you know it you have a war and marriage breakdown.
Good luck
Richard
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni do understand the point made that maybe im not attractive to her with my weight....if that is the case, the whole purpose of my question is...why did she marry me in the first place? im no uglier today than i was 5 years ago....lol im the same size then as i am now...
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female
reader, lolo89 +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Maybe she is worried for you health and just wants to see you happier and this is the only way she thinks you'll lose weight?
If not...Ive always believed good sex is more to do with an emoitionall connection to the other person not just their body and looks.
I think if a woman is in love, then she wants to make love to that person.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): Did it ever occur to you that you may be unattractive in your present overweight state? Is she overweight, is she unattractive? Why don't you just lose weight. Everyone wins.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Yeah I think she is going about it all wrong and I can see how you would feel resentful. She is your wife and she should love you unconditionally and not bribe you for sex.
But listen, she does love you and she just wants to see that you care about yourself and that you care about her. Don't you want to look sexy for her?? I think deep down she means well even though she may not realise that she is being callous. And I don't think she is trying to hurt you intentionally. But she is being insensitive.
But don't rebel against her wishes just because you are mad. Just swallow your pride and lose the damn weight. You are going to feel so good about yourself its not even funny. She is doing you a favor by making you do this. And if after you lose the weight you are still resentful and don't feel the same way, then maybe you need a seperation. But in the meantime just go on a diet.
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reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (12 December 2007):
 She is probably doing this to try and make you lose weight for your health there are alot of problems that come with being overweight so get in shape to save your sex life and your relationship and more importantly your health, although it is proven that sex is a good way to lose weight so agree to go to the gym 3 times a week for atleast an hour or walk to work everyday or even walk the dog (if you have one)if you get sex once a week or something sex related
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy point is, i should'nt have to lose so many pounds to have sex with my wife, you cant have the most amazing sex i've ever had, then marry me and them tell me you dont like having it with me...go lose some weight if ya want it!!!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionbabyduck, i understand what you are saying, and if i was a samller man when she met me and i blew up in size, i could understand her being upset with me, but i tell her im still the same man you married and she should love me the way i am(the way she married me) and that if i do lose weight, that should be a bonus. your also correct in another area, she does tell me that if i loved her enough i would lose the weight to make it more pleasing for her! its so hard living with a women who dosn't like having sex with you, i keep thinking i could have married someone, who would love me the way i am and would have a great sex life with me, i just really feel there's someone out there like that and it makes me really unhappy..i do love my wife, but i dont want to be married to someone who breaks down and gives me mercy sex once every couple of weeks!
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Notwithstanding all the other advice here, tell her that you'll lose weight if she grows bigger boobies.
Phil
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reader, hello1 +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Maybe you have put on a lot of weight, she's not attracted too you anymore, at least she's telling you this instead of you standing there, shaking your head and wondering why your wife won't have sex with you. Lose some weight, thats it. Bloody hell
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reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Start an exercise program as soon as possible, for the sake of your own health. After a week or two, after she sees that you are committed to the program, remind your wife how many calories sex burns and the fact that your trainer recommends it. It's not right to withhold sex from a partner, and a good sexual connection is vital for a healthy marriage. I'm sure that her intentions are good, even if her execution is terrible. Best of luck with everything.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): I think it's wrong of her not to have sex with you until you loose weight. But I can understand her all the same. You say that this has been going on now for a few years and maybe she thinks that this is the only way to make you loose weight.
If you think it will do you good to loose weight than tell her that you'll try to loose weight and ask her for her help and advice. But please make it VERY clear to her that your decision to loose weight has nothing to do with her stopping your sex life, else she might think she can make you do everything when she threatens to have no sex with you.
Maybe you could have no sex with her for a while after you lost weight.
Well, you'll see what you'll do. I hope you and your wife won't get a divorce because of this. Wish you luck!
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reader, rcn +, writes (12 December 2007):
 We know when we need to change. We know when we have to loose weight. I'm keeping a bit more active trying to loose a few pounds. It's NOT OK to use sex as a punishment. She is wrong by the way she is treating you. If you were to file for divorce, all though most states are no fault now, you have fault in her with this. Now, it's not OK and illegal to force sex on a spouse (spousal rape), but it's also not OK to withhold sex from the other person also.
If you are looking at loosing weight, it's much better to work together in changing poor habits and enhancing good habits than it is to make threats.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): I feel she is being a bitch.Is she a fit lady? i'm sure she has flaws that need worked on.Tell her her needs and make her feel bad.It's only fair.I wouldn't loose weight for her.She should love you for who you are.Is she a attractive looking woman?Maybe she has someone on the side.Did that ever cross your mind?If you decide to loose weight do it for yourself not her.I'm sure you look fine.
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