A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 13 year old girl. I just made friends with this girl this year and shes 14. People think shes weird but I don't. I have to watch my back because sometimes she can really lie badly. Lately this guy has been flirting with me and I think it makes her jealous because one time he said I was so pretty and she slammed her locker shut and screamed. And she tells me that he kissed her and stuff? Shes lying. One time he smiled at me in class and I waved and shes like '' Hes making me mad '' what do i do?
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 wooooh, are we talking a little psycho or a lot. What do you know about this girl? I bet if you look into her history growing up, your answer will be there. I really wonder who's been hurting her? There are two different mental disorders that come to mind when reading this behavior (1) PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) (2) BPD (Borderline Personality disorder). Both of which are created by a traumatic experience, but BPD generally has an element of abuse (physical or sexual). Her behavior sounds like a form of imagined (but real in her mind) abandonment. Inside her mind "I have to keep my friend away from others or they'll take her away from me." when spending time with others they think "how dare her ignore time with me to spend time with them" then they cause problems, make you feel guilty for being around them because they really feel as if showing attention to others is throwing them in the trash can.
We have trouble viewing this from the outside, but from them these fears are real. What to do?
This has a bad element to it. If she feels abandoned, she'll retaliate. Two movies were made representing these issues "fatal attraction" and "hand that rocks the cradle." not deeply knowing these issues, I recommend getting to know her better. ask her questions about her family. if the opportunity arises (they seek sympathy) find out how this was caused. if she opens up to you, ask her if she's willing to talk about what ever is going on with a professional, and offer to go with her. if you do, find a way to speak to the counselor before hand, letting them know that she's displaying these symptoms, and she is having abnormal attachment to you.
All though this disorder is dangerous. Treat it with understanding. The level of pain that causes these is much greater than I would ever want to experience. That's where the lying and such comes in. "My normal life is so painful, I'll just create an alternative mental life to cope with the pain."
I know these symptoms because I lived with a BPD for a year. Hers was developed first by 5 years being raped by family members, then her ex killed their 5 month old baby when he was on drugs. It's a very difficult disorder, with help she can cope, but without she may end up hurting someone or herself.
A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (16 December 2007):
 Oh my god. Your friends think she's weird, but you don't. But you have to watch your back with her, she lies compulsively, she slams doors, she screams...She sounds nuts. And seriously someone you should stay away from. Why do you want a friend like her? Someone who lies about kissing the guy you like??
Steer WELL clear of her. She's only going to be trouble.
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