A
female
age
36-40,
*onfusedbx180
writes:I'm 22 i've been with my boyfriend for 9 months(we've been friends for 5 yrs. I love him and he loves me and my son but i'm not in love with him, and i just ran into my sons father after 10 months. I still love him but when i wanted a relationship he wasn't ready (we were together for 2 1/2 years) but now he is ready and he wants to be a family. Should i leave my boyfriend (the sweetest guy in the world) for my sons father even though i really don't want to hurt him or lose his friendship? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007): stay with your current boyfriend. he took both you an dyour child on.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 December 2007):
 I'd have to say NO. Reason being, if he wasn't ready before, what's the guarantee he's ready now? What has he done to change? What steps did he take to prepare himself for this commitment? When weighing the difference between the last time and this gentleman that you love, how do they compare? Just because he's ready, doesn't mean your long term experience would differ from the last time.
I wouldn't leave someone i really love, that's perfect for someone that I can't predetermine the outcome. Doing that, and if it didn't work out, that would really suck. Put some great thought into this. Get a piece of paper and write down the pros and cons of each option and see what that comes up with. You don't want to be one of the people 5 years down the road saying "could of, would of, should of."
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 If you are not in love with your bf and have STRONG feelings for your EX then LEAVE.
Stringing your current bf along is going to make him HATE you when he eventually gets wind of it. He might already have his suspicions; "WHy has she changed?", "She seems different?", "What have I done?".
Trust me, this will drive him potty until your current relationship is DESTROYED.
If you care about your current bf you ned to do the right thing and TELL HIM. You owe him at least that. I'd be INSULTED that my gf couldn't do the right thing and just tell me how she feels.
It's not easy and takes guts to do it but make no mistake it needs to be done. Waiting for your current bf to go out of his mind and end it for you is plain CRUEL and COWARDLY. This might sound patronising but NOTHING in life worth anything is EASY.
TELL HIM, YOU'LL FEEL BETTER WHEN IT'S DONE AND YOU CAN MOVE ON. However, be as sure as you can about your EX. Whether you pursue a relationship with your EX or not I don't think you really should be with your current bf.
Just my opinion though, you know yourslef, your bf and your EX better than I do and how strong your feelings are.
Let us know how you get on :)
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A
female
reader, angelblueeyes +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Hi,
Thats quite a pickle, but really you have already answered your question when you said your not 'in love' with the current b/f but you still love your son's father.
When you share a child with someone there will always be a special bond between you, as you share something that is so precious, i think you have to follow your heart, you may be with the most fantastic guy ever but if your heart belongs to someone else then i believe you should be with him.
I hope it all works out for the best for you x
Lu x
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Just so I have this straight, we have:
a) son's father, wasn't ready to be a father to your son or support to you before when you both probably needed him most.
b) really sweet guy who you had a great friendship with but you don't love him, and don't want to hurt him or lose his friendship.
You haven't mentioned if you are in love with your sons father?
Personally, I don't think you should be with either. I'm sure you want to be with your son's father simply because he completes the family and is your son's biological father, and you probably think it's best for your son.
As for the sweet guy, it's a shame you don't love him but you can't help your feelings. You're going to lose the friendship if you break up, but at some point in the future after feelings have healed, I;m sure you can strike up the friendship again.
You do need to think about your son, but you're number one. Your happiness and welfare is very important. You could be with either man, for whatever reason, but if you're not in love, or they don't make you happy, or you are only together for your son, it's best to maintain a good friendship with your son's father, for his sake, and try to maintain a friendship with your current boyfriend after you have split up and are over each other.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Gosh,sometimes I'm convinced that girls are confused.How cud u have known your present boyfriend this long and still want to dump him, after all he is "the sweetest guy in the world" and u know he loves u and your son[who belongs to your ex-boyfriend.]So what more do u want? Why do u want to break his heart?
What makes you think that your ex-boyfriend is really serious and ready for a relationship? Honestly, I think u should stick to what you've got and don't make the same mistake twice,it's not worth gambling.
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