A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid, my dad frowns upon me having friends if they are not up to par with my sister's standards. All she cares about is looks and "coolness" by her standards. I am not like that and never have been. And I don't necessarily think that the things that she thinks are cool are all that cool. She was a sorority girl in college and I don't care. The thing is that my dad has no personality of his own and she's always full of criticism about me (for the SHALLOWEST) reasons just because I am not like her. I don't care one bit that she criticizes me or my friends. What irks me is that whatever she says (with the shallowest intent) my dad accepts and considers it a problem?! I find that weird and so do all my friends. I mean he is an ADULT. But he has no personality. It makes me feel like I am doing something "wrong" when I am not. Excuse me for having friends who my sister thinks are dorks. I think my friends are cool and I love them. Furthermore, they are both shallow and if I have friends who aren't really pretty they both see it as "wrong" and weird. I am not like that though. And to top it off my sister has the shallowest friendships and my dad doesn't even have any friends. This has been going on my whole life and I have suffered tremendous insecurities because of it. I have had to go to therapy on and off. Am I missing something or am I really doing something wrong by not being shallow?? I don't hate my sister cause I make fun of her ALL the time too. She can say whatever she wants and I just laugh and throw it back in her face. We totally understand eachother. Its NOT her who I have a problem with. Who I do hate is my dad for even considering what she is saying and making it an issue. Its really demoralizing. Please please Help!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (18 December 2007):
 Just let them be who they are and you be who you are. If you want to change it in your home, don't accept it. Live with your beliefs and don't let anyone change you just because of their ignorance. I'm not saying to be real mean, but for example "your friends are dorks", you say "so why don't you define dork and give me reason why you feel that way".
If they know they can't play this little game, eventually this game will stop.
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