A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Please help, I'm 18 weeks 3 days pregnant. I've always thought that if ever I fell pregnant I would have an abortion. I found out I was pregant last tuesday. I'm 17, and have split up from my ex as he cheated on me. I can't even say I was in love with him either, to me he was just a rebound that developed into a relationship. He's 20 and works full time, ( the girl he cheated on me with is 15) -just thought I'd drop that in. Although he cheated on me, he isnt a bad person, I just don't want him to be the father of my child. Infact I don't want kids until I'm married and can support them.The reason I fell pregnant was not because I was careless, I was told by my doctor not to use the pill, injection or the rod as my fertility could be at risk. I asked what should I do as a form of contraception and she said just to use condoms. The one time I had sex with my ex, the condom must have split. I had no ther side effects of being pregnant apart from not having a period, my doctor told me to wait for it and that it just because of the amount of morning after pill I'd taken in a previous relationship. I only found out as my stomach began to grow.I smoked a lot before last week when I realised I was pregnant, I've also drank lots of alcohol and had tetnis and malaria injections, these would all be harmful to my unborn child.My parents found out today, I dint want them to know as I was going to go through with my idea of an abortion. Now they have made my decision a lot harder than what it is. I'm a catholic, so I'm scared incase I will go to hell for killing a baby I never wanted. And I feel so selfish for not wanting it. But the thought of being a mum scares me so much. I'm not ready for the responcibility. What makes matters worse is my mum and dad want me to keep it. They say they will look after it and support it. I know life wont be the same, and I'm sick of mums that had unwanted children telling me it's the best thing that happened to them. I don't want to spend my 18th birthday heavily pregnant. I've been waiting and looking forward to going out with my friends. I wont have my own life if I have a kid. It'll be my responcibility forever. I want my own life back.I just want to throw myself off a bridge or something, it's my worst nightmare come true. Will someone please help me?
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abortion, cheated on me, condom, my ex, period, split up, the pill Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2007): Dear poster
I think you are doing the right thing, and everything you have siad has come from the heart.
Do NOT listen to other poster here on the abortion view this is very personal and Flyn 24 yes you have your view that does not make it right also YOU will NEVER KNOW what its like your MALE!
Thinking of you on the 22nd poster, I support you and hope many others do.
Take care x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): Thanks Flynn 24, It's nice to know I'm a selfish shit, that only wants to go out clubbing. The reason I wrote this in here was not to get abused by my decision but for support. I have an abortion appointment for the 22nd. I was having 2nd thoughts. Maybe I would be depressed, but I'd be more depressed watching my mum & dad struggle to raise a child I never wanted. Watching my dad with a heart condition do the best he can to go out and bring back money in from nowhere. Waking up in the middle of the night & wanting to suffocate my own child then hating myself for wanting to do that.
I've seen my friends have kids, I also know of people that have had abortions. You don't know me so you don't know why what I'm doing is for the best.
I don't see the father as a fit role model to raise a child, I don't think my dad will be here much longer to support this baby & give it help. God knows I wont be able to do it on my own.
Maybe I'm mentally unfit even now to even concider looking after another life, I completely lack in common sense. It wouldnt be fair to give me rights over another life.
As for putting it up for adoption, my ex has made it clear he wouldnt stand for that. He'd want to raise it. & by the way he lives thats the most evilest thing that I could do.
No I've not drank or smoked since I found out I was pregnant. But I am immature, and that isn't going to change any time soon even if I wanted it to.
I don't want my child to be born into a world where it knows it's not wanted. I want to be married, have life experience & enough finacial support so I can give my child everything that it could ever want. I don't want it to live with the slightest heartache that I will never love it, then probably loose my mind because of that.
People say that once you hold your child for the first time that you will fall in love with it. But if I'm being honest as horrible as it may sound I don't think I ever could, which would kill me, so I don't want to take that chance.
And as horrible as it may seem, I did my best not to get pregnant. I can't go through with this. Thats somehting I'm just going to have to except and live with.
And Flynn if you had any decency, you would understand the pain I'm going through. I don't want anything to do with men, never mind going out to clubs to go back home with strangers. And you don't even need to mention STD's my ex boyfriend made sure I caught lots of those. I've always been careful, it's always the careful one though that gets all the bad luck isn't it?
And I can understand your aggression about it, because my hearts giving my head a pretty bad time about it aswell. But I can't think of anything more evil than me having a child right now.
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A
female
reader, frizzylizzy  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 Hi there, the exact same thing happened me when I was 17, I had just finished my exams and i fell pregant. I am also catholic and my parents were very supportive. I was made to keep my son, Now don't get me wrong I adore my son, he's my whole life but I wasn't giving any options. And if i was asked if I would do it all again, I'm not sure I would. the whole world is your oyster, im not telling you to have an abortion but it is one option especially since you really don't want the baby. I missed out on alot but I also gained alot. My son has made me the person i am today. i have no regrets.
this is your decision and don't let anyone make it for you.
Good luck and I hope you make the right decision
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (19 December 2007):
 your parents seem as if they are helpful and understanding. you should be grateful for having parents like that. if i was your age, i'd have the same things going through my mind as a father. my son was born when i was 19. we considered all the options, and decided to keep him. he's now 17, and it's been a blessing that we made that choice.
i know you want to keep your life the way it is. life changes often and many times the scary parts turn out to be the best. i want you to really consider something about abortion. it's what the doctors usually leave out. i have talked with numerous people over the years with many different circumstances. i can't remember one female i've talked too who had an abortion who didn't receive long term psychological pain because of that choice. they develop either major depressive disorder or post traumatic stress disorder. i'll tell you treating those is far harder than raising a child. whatever you decide, make sure your choice is right for you for the long haul, not just what feels right today.
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A
female
reader, xapathyxrebornx +, writes (19 December 2007):
 I'm sorry you feel that way hun, it can be very stressful. Hopefully things may not be as bad as you might think they might, hun if you go through with this pregnancy (which I hope you do as I am also against abortion) and when you give birth to your child you still feel you can't raise him or her maybe you should see into putting the child up for adoption.
If your parents said they will help support you and care then honey your lucky. Not many have such supporting parents and if they said that then i sure if you wanted to go out and maybe have a belated 18th birthday they wouldn't mind looking after your baby for you, they may want to help you with the responability.
I'm sorry i dont have a magic wand hun but message me if you need someoen to talk to hun , I'm here x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): Ready or not, that baby is coming.
Children are anything but a nightmare. It might be difficult at 17 these days, but women have given birth younger than you and lead full and productive lives. My own sister was pregnant at your age. And she's as productive as anyone.
You need to stop saying 'I' now. And say 'we'. Meaning 'the baby, father and I'. Your parents are trying to stop you making a mistake.
There is no excuse for abortion unless the baby will not live til birth anyway, or it will be born so severely disabled that it will not live long after. And even these reasons are sketchy.
You can have a life when you have a kid. It may not be a life of sex, drugs and rock and roll. But it will be more. Instead of getting STD's you'll be watching a life YOU created take its first step. Smile its first smile. And utter its first word. These are far more fulfilling then any of the nightclubbing adventures you will ever have.
You may be having a child sooner than you thought, but there is no reason to harm the baby by being an immature little bitch and smoking and drinking it to death.
There is not Heaven or Hell. You should know that now. Or, there probably isn't. No one can prove it either way.
And you should feel selfish. Because that is how you are acting.
You are going to have to grow up extremely fast if you want that kid to NOT hate the shit out of you. And the fact your parents are Catholics and haven't chucked a shit because you ain't married is a blessing. Run with it.
You have the strength to do this. And you have a responsibility to tell the father. He deserves to know that he has a son or daughter.
Now I hope you will make the right decision. Keep the kid and raise it well, because the biggest adventure you have ever faced is fast approaching.
Flynn 24
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