A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been on and off for about 8 years. We have had some amazing times together and have also had huge huge arguments. One minute we are great together and the next we are at each others throat. For the longest, Ive been wanting him to settle down with me and officially meet my parents, get engaged, etc. but he always finds some type of excuse. Now that he is ready, I don't think I am. He is a great guy. I know he loves me very much but at the same time he makes me feel like crap. When we fight he curses at me. He doesn't respect me too much and often doesn't have time to hang out. Im sure I make him feel like crap at times as well. So what should be done? I really dont know what to do and am totally confused.
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (2 August 2008):
 Put simply I think Kermit is right. This has run it's course but neither of you actually wants to admit that so you are keeping yourselves in this limbo which can't be good for either of you in the long-run. What should be done?? Well...I think you both have to realise that this has run it's course and try and part on the best terms possible...it might be a huge blow at first but in the long-run I think it is without question for the best...you may well find that out of the ashes a good friendship will emerge but not if things carry on like this because the bitterness that is stored up will ruin any chances of that....good luck :)
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (2 August 2008):
 The two of you are trapped in a repeating dysfunctional behavior pattern (now that he is ready, you repeat the pattern by being unsure).
Simply put I do not think your relationship has a future. Marriage does not change the repeating behavior patterns. If you are on-off now, you will carry that into your marriage.
Either you both change your behaviors, or you both seek out new partners.
-Frank B Kermit
Author of Guide To The Emotional Needs of Men CD
http://www.lulu.com/content/2587075
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (2 August 2008):
 You too have issues to deal with before getting married. Relationships are about mutual give and take, not who's at who's throat at what time. Both of you need to learn how to be constructive and not destructive during confrontation. Working things out and respecting the other persons point of view. Your views may be different, but it doesn't make them wrong, and not all the time correct either. Seeing something different is okay, it's only the perception of viewing the same thing. Instead of trying to be right, view it as both of you may be right and both may be wrong.
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