A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my ex dated for almost three years. He broke up with me because he thought I cheated on him. When he broke up with me I was 4 months pregnant. The day he dumped me he started going out with another girl. There were rumors that he was cheating on me with her when we were together. So that makes that suspicous. Well for the past three months he's done nothing but lead me on to think he will give me another chance..everyone is saying they are getting married in October. But everytime he comes over he tells me they aren't and he gives me hope that we will get back together. He's saying that after I give birth to our son he will give me another chance to see if i turn back into a 'b****' meanwhile everyone is saying that they are getting married and that they are living together and a bunch of other b.s. I don't know what to believe anymore. I love him so much and would do anything for him. I want to marry him.. we we're engaged before he dumped me.. if this makes sense to anyone can someone please try to help me? I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm tired of feeling crappy all the time and crying
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2008): I was in a similar situation about 8yrs ago. The first think I want to say is this "Run" as fast and as hard as you can. Being pregnant is going to magnify your emotions and you are going to feel the weakest you have ever felt in you life. It does pass after you have your kid not right after you give birth. You will feel so strong later. Just remember the saying "This to will pass" Think about how you want to be treated and how you want to be loved. Do you really believe this person can ever really love you that way.? I'm usually a private person but if my story can help you I will tell it.
I was in a relationship about 8 years ago and it sounds so much like what you are going through. I don't know all the details of your situation but here's what happened to me and if it sounds the same then take my advice and run. Possibly even leave the state while your still pregnant and completely forget him.
I was 24yrs old and was with a man we'll call "it I became pregnant at this age but had been living with this guy for about 5 yrs. I'm not going to sit here and say I was the perfect girlfriend or that I was awful. It wasn't a perfect relationship but it was no Jerry Springer one either. I was 100 % faithful to him and thought he was too. I broke up with him a couple of times during our relationship for different reasons. He would never let me go. He would cry and pretend he couldn't breathe. He came into my work crying and you can imagine how bad and guilty I felt. I stayed because I thought wow he really loves me and how could I do this to him. We both grew unhappy and I gained some weight. I was always a fun person that liked to do things and he just wanted to drink beer, smoke weed and stay home. It came to a point that I had a low self a steam and thought that this was as good as it got and he would never let me go. I even made myself believe that I loved him. I started to desire marriage and a family and so forth. He knew that I wanted a baby. He said he wanted one too. I would ask him if he was sure that I was what he wanted. He would say yes. At about the beginning of the year things got really bad. Before they hit rock bottom we became engaged. Things got worse even after that and then I felt him distant and I couldn't figure it out. He wasn't the cheating kind. I mean we spent every night together. The only times I wasn’t with him was towards the end when started to work out of town. We kind of broke up or had a big fight. I'm not sure how to define it. I was still living there. I started to feel bad and started to think that he really loved me and that I really loved him and no one else was going to want me. I had gained some weight not grossly or anything. I felt regret and now I was the one crying but he started to reject me. I started to change and forgot all about my needs. I started to think that I couldn't live without him and so on. I look back now and think how stupid. We stayed together but I could feel the coldness even though we were still saying I love you and all that to each other it wasn't the same but I didn't know why. I got pregnant and we still would talk about having a family and how it would possibly help us. I kept getting the feeling that he didn't love me anymore but I didn't know why. I kept thinking it was all me. That I could fix myself and that he would love me again. I lost like 30lbs and was back to a good size. We were sleeping together more and things seemed to get better. I got pregnant. I started wanting more. I wanted to be married, especially since I was pregnant but he would keep telling me he just didn't know what he wanted. I finally moved out because I didn't know what was going on with him. I was 4 months pregnant and full of hormones so you can imagine. I got my own apartment and I was crying everyday. I felt horrible and so sad. Well one day I came over to where we use to live and there she was. The reason he was so distant the reason he kept me on the limbo. There was the confusion there it was and I couldn't believe it. I was so sad and still blamed myself. I just kept thinking how am I going to get through this. This wasn't "it" who was this man? How did he manage to keep such a big lie from me? How could I ever trust him again? Everyone would ask is there someone else? I would say "no, he wouldn't do that to me" Let me tell you this man was cold as ice when I found out and confronted him it was like he never loved me at all. He kept telling me that he didn't know what he wanted through out my pregnancy I would call and come around and try to talk to him. He insisted that he didn't cheat on me. This man is such a good liar. He had me fooled from the beginning. I finally had my child and I still wanted to be with him but in the back of my head. I knew I would never tolerate someone like this. (Someone that would let you down when you need them the most) But my hormones spoke for me and I was helpless. I would love to say that I got over it the instant I gave birth and that I was “wonder women” after that. But that's not how it happens. When you love or think you love someone it doesn't go away over night. This whole time he stayed with this girl till this day. I did get over him and I was bitter and angry with him for a while. He was horrible to deal with especially when he has this bitch nagging to him that he’s to good to me and that he’s doing me favors. Well 8 years later and they make my life difficult. The girl he left me for is a jealous person and I think that's why he's as bad a person as he is. He hates me. He's a real piece of work a real Asshole. I'm in and out of court and I have so much stress in my life because of him. It's hard for me to trust anyone ever again. I wish I had left and never turned around. I wish I had my baby far from here and I wish I had nothing to do with him. “If I knew then what I know now” There's a lot to the story but my point is this. No one is perfect we all make mistakes some people they grow up and learn to deal with the situation amicably and for the sake of a child. He's not one of them. He's a good liar and good at manipulating things. He's the kind of person that can make you feel that you are wrong and he has everyone around him fooled. If your ex is telling you that you are a bitch he's one of those people and please run. A good person would be honest sit you down and tell you the truth even if it hurts. They wouldn't let you think there's hope or that you need to change for them to love you. He's just checking out the grass on the other side to see if it's greener. He doesn't want you to let go although he has let you go. He’s keeping you just in case. I believe they are co-dependent sociopath. The girl he's cheating with. I guarantee she's filling his head with bullshit about you even though she might not know you. That’s what happened to me. I found out years later that he started seeing her even before we were engaged and even before I was pregnant. She had the nerve to write to me and tell me what they would do and how I had no clue. She told me about the time he had to go out of town and she would be with him. I look back now and it make sense but at the time she's right "I had no clue" I trusted him. If this helps in anyway then I'm glad I wrote it.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 August 2008):
 RCN has given you really good advice here. I would only ask if you have actually been over to his place recently, or does he come over to your place?
I think that he sounds like he has some serious commitment issues if he's not prepared to get back together with you now that you're pregnant. If I were you, I would steel myself for the idea that I'd be raising this child alone. Make sure you name him as the father on the birth certificate and get some sort of agreement on child support from him. You and the baby are going to need all the help you can get.
I'm sorry I don't have any way to make you feel better and stop crying. What I want to do is to encourage you to pull together all the support from your family and friends to help you through this experience. In other words, don't count on him to be there to help you. I just don't like the sound of his comment saying that he'll consider taking you back if you're not a b****. Only a b*****d would say something like that. You should be the one to decide if he's worth taking back. Breaking up with you when you were 4 months pregnant? He sounds like a class A jerk.
Start taking charge, start making plans, start getting ready. Have a Plan A which includes him in the picture, but be sure to have a Plan B, in which he is not a part.
Once YOU put yourself in charge and stop relying on him to do one thing or the other, you'll feel a lot better and you'll be able to cope better with the stress of becoming a new mother.
Congratulations on the new baby, and I hope he or she is a beautiful and healthy child.
With my best wishes.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 August 2008):
 Congratulations on having a child. A child can be such a blessing. Being a parent, I think everyone should have a couple. They keep me young, and raising children is a wonderful experience. I tell you this because I think you may end up being a single parent as well.
He's saying he'll take you back, but under condition that you don't turn into a bitch. Once a person gives a condition, they're leaving the door open to a way out. If he was real, he'd be saying "I want us to have another chance, because there is no one I'd rather spend my time with." There's quite a difference in what he said.
He seems like someone I wouldn't trust in what he's saying. You said you feel crappy and like you want to cry. Ask yourself this. When has love started coming with those feelings? Someone who really loves you would want you to smile, not cry. You might love him, but is he really returning actions of love to you? If he's not, how much heartbreak are you willing to accept to be with this person? Remember also, your child will be affected by your choice too. A good roll model for the child will be much better than a negative one.
I hope this helps. Take care.
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