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female
age
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anonymous
writes:I am a 48 year old woman with two kids ages 11 and 15. I live in Massachusetts. After 17 years of marriage I filed for divorce. I was in a marriage where I was doing everything by myself so it became emotionally draining. Husband refused to get counseling to make the marriage work so I went to the next step of filing for divorce. It would be over in September 2008 (Hopefully). Here is my situation. I was told that I have to split everything 50/50 because of the years of marriage, etc. I am splitting over $100K in my 401K he is splitting $4K (you heard me four thousand dollars). Apparently he cashed out on his 401K and now owes the IRS. I found out the hard way when we were doing our taxes together last year. Anyway I was told that I can keep the house until the youngest gets out of high school which is about 7 years from now. (she is a September born) The problem that I now face is I have a mortgage of only $81,000 ($1,140 monthly mortgage payment) left and I now would have to take some sort of loan to buy him out. That would put me in a financial strain. My salary is under $50K so I don't know if I am able to undertake this. I am currently getting child support money from him every week $235 for the two kids. Can anyone give me some advice as to the best way to handle this without putting myself in financial constraint where I would eventually loose the house? Thank you!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2008): From Anony Mous in Massachusetts: Thanks for all the great advice to my pending divorce problem regarding deciding to keep or sell the house. To get a better picture to my situation. I have owned my house for 16 years. It is a two-family dwelling. One portion of the dwelling is income propery where I get $1300 a month for rent. Yes I had proof of my husband cashing out his 401K and I showed my lawyer this. This now counts as part of the marital assets. Overall his contribution to his 401K was far lesser than what I contributed to mines. I knew the value of saving for a rainy day. Massachusetts apparently splits the marriage assets 50/50 ir-regardless of the situation. In my case I paid for everything and he just sit back and reaped the benefit of it. I have met with a financial advisor but I wasn't confident that he knew how to deal with my situation. And yes, I cannot do anything with my money because it is being tied up legally. You all have provided me with some good food for thought.
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reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (5 August 2008):
 I think you will lose the house. The mortgage payment of $1140 represents 27% of your before-tax income but really comes out of your after-tax income, so what is left over for all of your other expenses and investments?
So if you have equity now, sell the house and downsize as recommended by Irish49. You need to reduce your monthly payment as an owner or you might consider putting away any profit earned on the sale of your current house and renting until you can find a house with mortgage payment that you can afford.
I wish I had a better option to recommend, but as an objective third party I can look at your situation without the emotional attachment I'm sure you feel towards your home and see that selling while you can make a profit may enable you to have a clean break and a new start. Good luck and take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): Depending on the market in you area, you might consider selling the marital home and downsizing. When I divorced, I still had one child at home...so we sold the larger family home and I 'downsized' to a smaller, but more affordable home for myself and my son. What a great feeling it was, owning that house, all on my own. My ex and I paid off the remaining mortgage on marital home, then I used my half as a good down payment on a the new home. My ex got his share and I ended up with a fresh start and a nice, new home, in the same area so my son's life wasn't disrupted, by having to change his school. Talk to a financial planner and you might consider visiting bankers to look for the best interest rates and mortgage plans suited to your level of income, if you go this route. Here is a link for your interest:
http://www.sptimes.com/2004/09/19/Business/Should_you_keep_the_h.shtml
Good Luck
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (5 August 2008):
 How long ago did he cash in his 401K? What was the money used for? If it happened after you filed for divorce, it could be seen as hiding assets. If you know the amount he had before the withdraw, and it was used for personal and not to benefit the family, he may be required to reimburse his account for the purpose of the settlement.
In some states divorce is not equitably positive. Cash and assets attained after saying "I do" becomes a product of the marriage. This method is okay, when you have a stay at home mom, no personal assets, she raises the children and cares for the home. This way she's not thrown out, as some may do when angry and looking for revenge.
I'd recommend speaking to your accountant or a financial consultant to see what your options would be in rebuilding your assets.
Take care.
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