A
male
age
,
*pt4425
writes:How do I tell my wife she needs to lose weight? We have been married for 8 yrs, 2nd for both of us. When we met she was much thinner ans said she worked out and stayed in shape,but over the years she has slowly gained weight and seems to have lost any interest in doing anything about it. I watch what I eat, excercise regularly and eat healthy. I take it personal that she may think I should just accept things as they are. On top of it she doesnt wear clothes that are very flattering, she could be mistaken as being pregnant. I love her very much, she is a great woman, but I am having big problems with her not thinking that this is affecting things in our relationship, and I think less of myself when I think this stuff, that maybe I'm just shallow. Thoughts???
View related questions:
lose weight Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 November 2008):
 WAIT!! I forgot clothes. She needs to have a day with a personal shopper. Take her to one of those fancy department stores, with an appointment for the personal shopper. Watch some 'What Not To Wear' on TLC or is it Bravo? That show has some great tips. And they deal with real women, not wafer thin supermodels.
A couple of years ago, I had the muumuu-ey dresses and thought that hid the chub. EEEEEENNNNNKKKK. Wrong. I was taken in hand by a boutique owner who stuffed me into some form fitting trousers, a clingy but not tight top and the cutest linen blouse worn open over the whole thing. What an eye-opener! I looked great! And not fat!!! It totally changed the way I shopped. Your wife needs that experience too.
By the way, I've lost 30 lbs since I started this, and I'm still on my way down the scale. Woohoo!!! I've had to get rid of lots of the old fat clothes, and I love it. I'm down from an alltime high of 16 to a 10. Yep. It can be done. You just need to change YOUR attitude and then with some outside help like I outlined, hers will follow. Print my story out if you think it will help.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 November 2008):
Oooh, tricky spot. I know, because I was that wife. Yep. It's a vicious circle, you don't feel good about your looks, you stop trying to look good, and voila! You don't look good. The worst is that it just creeps up on you, a few pounds a year, and before you know it, you're up a couple of clothing sizes. It stinks, I hated it and I'm still working the problem.
Now you have to stop being angry and resentful, she can pick up on that and if she's anything like me, it gets her back up. Why doesn't he love me as I am? Why is he being so negative. So stop that. Start being positive, start working WITH her instead of nagging. Nagging accomplishes zero zilcho NADA!
First stop, the doctors, both of you. Get your bloodwork, find out the blood pressure, see where you stand on the chart. This was motivating for me, I can tell you. It might work for her.
Next stop, the lingerie department. She needs to be properly measured and fitted for a good bra and other undergarments. Spanx are great, they really improve the silhouette. Why undies? If all your bits are smoothed and lifted and properly arranged, clothes look better. If clothes look better, you feel better, if you feel better, you start to make an effort.
Consider joining weightwatchers or a gym together. If money's tight, start working out together. My husband & I walk, are working up to running, and also do exercise DVDs in the living room together at Oh-dark-early. In fact, I've put him in the dust with regard to weight loss. :) Not that I'm competitive or anything.
Next, food. All I can tell you is PORTION CONTROL. Buy a kitchen scale, and use it. You'll be shocked at how small a real serving of pasta is. Fancy diets didn't work well for me, they might for her. You just have to try it.
I cut WAYYY back on pasta, processed wheat stuff, potatoes, bread, kind of the empty calories. Virtually no butter. Olive oil for cooking. Fish 2 or 3 times a week. Red meat at most once a week. Lean chicken or pork rest of the time. And measure those portions too. I think it's like 4 oz. is a service. That's actually eentsy. Use the smalller plates, not the large dinner plates and you'll look like you eating the same amount. Do NOT starve yourself or swear off dessert. Just buy the small dark chocolate squares and dole them out carefully. Unsalted almonds are great snacks. Just a small handful will do. EAT BREAKFAST. Oatmeal, dairy, a little protein, juice/fresh fruit.
YOU DO THIS ALL WITH HER!!!! She needs you to be on board 100% and not just nagging at her. Walk the walk, talk the talk. Don't overindulge in front of her, that would be mean.
Alcohol. Only in moderation and in fact, cut it way back, just for now.
Allow a splurge every now and again.
That's all I've got for you to start with. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Namita  +, writes (12 October 2008):
Well,i dont think you are shallow.You should bring this topic with her very gently,actually suggesting some fun activities that you can do together,like jogging at the park or beach,will also create intimacy,and be a enjoyable exercise for both.It will also reflect that you care for her,try bringing obesity and health related issues in your conversation in a subtle way.You've been married 8 years, i dont think she will take offence if u bring it up in the right way,I wouldn't if my husband did it, i would think that he cares,belive me i'm divorced now , but when i was married to my loser ex-husband i put on a lot of weight because i was unhappy,and he never once commented or suggested i loose weight,because he just didn't care!
...............................
A
female
reader, starfairy  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 I don't think you're shallow. You make the effort for her, she should make the effort for you. I never understand why girls let themselves go...Yes you should be with someone because you love them, thney have a great personality, etc etc, but being married doesn't automatically mean you'll still find them physically attractive when they let themselves go and get fat!I would take it personally too. I look after myself and for example if I'm going out to dinner with someone, I've made a real big effort but he turns up looking like he just got out of bed, I take that personally!Treat this gently though, women are sensitive to weight issues, it might be she's been unhappy too and has been comfort eating. Find out what's going on, be honest with her, work out what you want and where you want to go with it.Good luck xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): Often when women are very happy in a family situation they become very complacent about their appearance. They eat more and stop making an effort with their appearance because they have achieved everything they wanted ie/ a happy home, husband, family etc. I was married for a long time and when I was very happy I did put on weight and neglected myself. My husband like you went to the gym and worked out and generally didn't change body shape at all, having children often increases weight with ladies which can be hard to lose. Although I was never very big, I went from a size zero to a size 4 and my husband constantly used to tell me to smarten up and get off my arse and lose weight. He did it in a kind of digging , nagging way which put my back up. He took this to extremes and expected me to sit around the house fully made up looking like s supermodel. Discussing weight is a very touchy issue with women in particular. There is no nice way of saying that you have let yourself go. Personally I would have preferred my husband to have said it outright that he wanted me to lose weight and to wear smarter more attractive clothes in an outright manner rather than drip feed it by digs over months. For me I realised one day that i was just not as attractive as I was and I just sought of changed overnight. Although your wife will be furious you need to bite the bullet on this and just say it. Undoubtedly this will produce a tremendous row and sulk for days but if you reassure her that you love her very much and that she is the one for you etc she may well take on board what you are saying. Tell her how beautiful she was and still is but she would look even more beautiful a bit thinner. You could also offer her the incentive of some money for clothes or a new wardrobe. I appreciate this is a very difficult subject and needs very careful handling and it is likely that whatever you say will not go down well but in the main people only get bigger so grab the bull by the horns and say something now.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 October 2008):
 You have absorbed issues. Trouble accepting her as she is. Marriage doesn't regulate a certain body style that must be maintained.
Change has to be personal, not for anyone else. To demand change would be wrong and damaging. You exercise on a regular basis is your choice, and doesn't mean she has to follow and do the same.
If you love her, you'll allow her to be herself. If she decides to loose weight, it has to be a decision to improve herself, no matter who accepts or doesn't accept her decision.
...............................
|
