A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and i have been together off and on for about two years now, about 2 months ago he decided i was the one, we couldn't stay away from each other, it was amazing, it was all so clear where our relationship was going. One night after we were out together he dropped me off at home, and went home, we talked on the phone as soon as he left, he went home, i had given him my password to everything, and he went into my facebook and found a messege from a guy about when i was with this other guy, but my bf and i weren't talking, he was with another girl, but what he is upset about is that i kept this guy around as a friend and had him over to our place. and i never told him. now, we are trying to work things out, and everything seems to be going well, but not like it was before. How do i get him to look at me the way he did before this happen. how do i get him to be interested in me like that again? Please help.
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (16 August 2008):
 With you being with this other guy during the break and keeping him around creates this person as a threat to your relationship with your boyfriend. This rule is the same as with someone who cheats in a relationship. Number one is to end contact with those who may pose a threat to your partner, then you can work on your relationship. You said he was with another girl. Is she coming to your home and hanging out? If not, and if she were too, how would you feel about her doing so? Would you feel comfortable leaving the house to go to the store or somewhere and leave the two of the at the house alone? If not, she wouldn't be someone who I'd recommend keeping withing the relationship as a friend. This is the same with this other guy. You have this guy coming over as a friend, who you dated and didn't tell your boyfriend. I bet he's thinking "what is she hiding."
The best thing to do is to sit down with him and talk this over. If you didn't mean to hurt him, express that. Even if you don't see it as being wrong, don't argue that fact. You're dealing with how he feels about it, so if he sees it as being wrong that's how it needs to be addressed.
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